Proven Date Nights Every Couple Needs
Ever notice how the person you fell in love with starts feeling more like a roommate or business partner? Between work deadlines, kid schedules, and just keeping up with life, the spark that once came so easily can quietly fade into the background. What used to build intimacy and connection gets buried under busyness, tiredness, and the endless logistics of just making it through the week.
In this episode of the Everyday Disciple Podcast, we explore why date nights aren’t just a nice idea—they’re essential to keeping your marriage vibrant and alive. We’ll talk about escaping the trap of problem-solving mode, the power of modeling a thriving marriage for your kids, and practical ways to make date nights something you both need and look forward to.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- How consistent date nights keep your marriage from drifting into roommate mode
- How to make date nights meaningful without spending a fortune
- The gospel picture your marriage paints when you prioritize time together
- What to avoid and what to pursue to keep dates connecting, not coordinating
From this episode:
“When you have a consistent, intentional date night, you are modeling the importance of your marriage and relationship to your kids and others. Our married children are now carrying on the tradition of having date nights, and they are just getting started in marriage.”
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below.
Also, please leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.
Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Coaching and Mentorship in Missional Living by Caesar and his wife Tina
Resources for missional living and group training – Missio Publishing
Get Caesar’s latest book: Bigger Gospel for FREE… Click here.
Transcript
They don't have to be like elaborate or super expensive.
Speaker:I can remember times when Tina and I, literally, our date night was.
Speaker:We, we packed up like leftovers, you know, in a little cooler bag.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And we went out and just had a picnic somewhere.
Speaker:Huh.
Speaker:And maybe we had enough money for some wine or something.
Speaker:I don't even, you know what I mean?
Speaker:It was just, but it was just that it was special.
Speaker:We went away, we looked out over, you know, Puget Sound or something.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And we just sat, there was no money really.
Speaker:It was, uh, no money.
Speaker:I can remember times this is this, this will date life now driving like 45 minutes to the only Starbucks that was anywhere near us and our date night was like sitting there and having the most expensive coffee we'd ever had in our life.
Speaker:It was like two 10 back then or something.
Speaker:You, yeah.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And it was like the $5 date night.
Speaker:And it was like, man, look, how, how continental are we here?
Speaker:You know, like how European are we having our little, you know, mochas and stuff.
Speaker:But it was our date night, you know what I mean?
Speaker:That's a cool, and we had to drive there.
Speaker:Then we had to drive back.
Speaker:And if it was three or four hours and someone watched the kids for us in the neighborhood or whatever,
Speaker:welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Speaker:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Speaker:This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors.
Speaker:Probably forgot to tell you.
Speaker:And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Speaker:Hey bro.
Speaker:How are you today, man?
Speaker:Good.
Speaker:This is, uh,
Speaker:still having fun with this.
Speaker:Yeah, I was just gonna say, I feel like we're, we're in a rhythm and this is fun and there's content still.
Speaker:So today we're talking about marriage,
Speaker:marriage and dating.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:In your marriage.
Speaker:Like I never saw my folks do that.
Speaker:Neither did I. And uh.
Speaker:They didn't, well, they didn't like each other, my parents, but no, that's not true.
Speaker:They didn't act, they didn't act like they did.
Speaker:Let's say that a lot of the time.
Speaker:I love the heck out of them and they got, they got there, but Wow.
Speaker:Anyway, I didn't see them dating each other, you know, like there was none of that.
Speaker:So,
Speaker:sure.
Speaker:No, and that's something I want my kids to see with, with me and my wife.
Speaker:And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that marriage is really hard work.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:It takes a lot to keep the romance alive.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And love doesn't just happen.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:It
Speaker:doesn't like, like in a movie.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's not Hollywood.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:They're choices that we have to make and, yep.
Speaker:And today we wanna talk about the importance of having these consistent date nights.
Speaker:And, and I'm sure that in your life you've experienced this with even you and Tina, right?
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:43 years this summer of marriage.
Speaker:Man, it's crazy, right?
Speaker:That is, people are like, how old is this Caesar guy?
Speaker:That's longer than I've been alive.
Speaker:We got married when we were eight.
Speaker:This so like, our listeners know 'cause it's a weird little thing.
Speaker:We lived out in the woods.
Speaker:It's a Polish
Speaker:thing.
Speaker:It's a weird Polish thing.
Speaker:No, we've been married a long, long time.
Speaker:And uh, and like you said, marriage is work.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I mean, it is.
Speaker:It's work.
Speaker:I mean, it's, it's, it's better all the time by God's grace, but it is definitely work.
Speaker:And this idea of dating Yeah.
Speaker:Is, is a, is an important thing.
Speaker:Um, yeah.
Speaker:Let's dive into that, man.
Speaker:Let's, let's get out there.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And so, because we try to keep our podcasts around 25 minutes, like we had said, uh, in the past, we want people to give us their drive.
Speaker:That's how long it takes the average commuter to.
Speaker:To work in the morning.
Speaker:Let's jump in.
Speaker:We don't have tons.
Speaker:It's
Speaker:your
Speaker:drive.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Or your gym time.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Here.
Speaker:There we go.
Speaker:Your time.
Speaker:Here we go.
Speaker:It'll be worth your gym time.
Speaker:So I know that you and Tina throughout your marriage have had regular scheduled date nights.
Speaker:It's, we've talked about it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it's been an advice that you've given to both me and Kathleen as well.
Speaker:And you've said even off microphone, that this has been crucial in keeping the fires of your marriage burning.
Speaker:Let's talk about this a
Speaker:little bit.
Speaker:So caveat right away.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So, to be fair, 'cause Latino, you know, listened to the podcast, sold my kids, is.
Speaker:I don't wanna say like, we've had 'em every week for 43 years.
Speaker:It's been amazing.
Speaker:It's perfect.
Speaker:It's, it's not that way.
Speaker:'cause so first half of our marriage we didn't even know about these kinds of things.
Speaker:You know, we're raising the kids, we're flipping out.
Speaker:A lot of our listeners are just buried.
Speaker:You got four kids, it's like
Speaker:we're in the thick of life.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's just like, who date night, what, you know, like, gotta pay bills, you know, or whatever.
Speaker:It's only go to bed, you know, or whatever.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:Um, but.
Speaker:A, as we got introduced to these kind of ideas and we started to invest in that and make it a regular thing, it, it changed a lot.
Speaker:And so it hasn't been perfect.
Speaker:And I'll, and I'll be honest with you here, check, check this out.
Speaker:So now that our kids are grown, two things.
Speaker:One is they're starting to have date nights, like really consistently.
Speaker:Whew.
Speaker:That's cool.
Speaker:Like it worked.
Speaker:We're gonna talk a little bit about why that's one of the bonuses, right.
Speaker:Benefits of it.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:But Tina and I slipped into this foul, this fallacy.
Speaker:Oh well now that the kids are gone.
Speaker:We've got every day and every night together.
Speaker:So that kind of is like every night's a date night.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Guess what?
Speaker:It's not.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Because there's not the intentionality, some of the things we're gonna talk about here of like, you know, loving on each other.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You know, getting dressed up a little bit.
Speaker:Like coming up with something creative to do, you know, you know what I mean?
Speaker:It's like Sure.
Speaker:And so like now we're back to doing it in fact.
Speaker:As we're recording this teen and I have date night tonight.
Speaker:It's great.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:That's
Speaker:cool.
Speaker:And it was just 'cause like, hey, you know what, in the next couple weeks we're gonna be on the road teaching a lot and they'll be together the whole time.
Speaker:It's not the same intentionality and ability to sort of, you know, Gospel each other's hearts mm-hmm.
Speaker:And do any of that.
Speaker:So I would say it has been a very important thing of staying connected at a heart level.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You know, uh, one of the things that I remember reading a while back was, uh.
Speaker:Was the concept of three different types of marriage, which was like the side by side, the face-to-face, and then the business model.
Speaker:Kind of like there's the intimate, so the side by side is like, we're just plowing through life.
Speaker:We don't really care.
Speaker:We're outta love.
Speaker:We're just going for it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Get stuff done, raising the kids, whatever.
Speaker:Paying the bills.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And now the business model of, of, of marriage is, hey, I, we have the same sort of goals.
Speaker:We want our kids to.
Speaker:You know, go to school and get good grades, and get good jobs and have families and make us
Speaker:look good.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But we're, but there's no intimacy.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And then the, the intimate side of things is like, no, we're face to face.
Speaker:We're going through the thick of this.
Speaker:We're, we're taking hits together, we're winning together.
Speaker:Tina and
Speaker:I have been all three of those.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:If I'm being honest, this week we've been all three of those.
Speaker:I was gonna say, I feel like me and my wife bounce around quite a
Speaker:bit.
Speaker:No, that's a I love that breakdown.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And he's so, so one of the things we wanna talk about is how easy it is to fall out of that face to face, intimate, like we're in this together and to more of a problem solving mode of marriage.
Speaker:Like schedules are packed.
Speaker:We gotta get here, we gotta have dinner ready.
Speaker:Kids need to be in bed.
Speaker:We gotta wash their clothes for school tomorrow.
Speaker:Moving from task to task, getting things accomplished, that's kind of the default.
Speaker:So that, I mean, we spent years that way, man.
Speaker:Especially when the kids were little.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Like we were just, you know.
Speaker:I'm working, you know, I've been an entrepreneur and or in ministry or both.
Speaker:'cause all of life is kinda ministry and Sure.
Speaker:It's all work.
Speaker:It's all family.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And uh, we've just been busy people and choose to be and, you know, travel a lot and for ministry and work and all that.
Speaker:And I can remember getting into like seasons, long seasons of years where it was like, it was just task.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:It was like, okay.
Speaker:Yeah, five days a week, this is exactly what it looks like.
Speaker:'cause school drives that, you know?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That school schedule drives it.
Speaker:It's like the first person out the door, first person on the bus, whatever lunch is getting packed, this and that.
Speaker:Got breakfast.
Speaker:Gotta pray a little bit.
Speaker:'cause that's what good Christian parents do, you know?
Speaker:It's like everything was like task, right?
Speaker:And then it was, then it was work, work, work, work.
Speaker:And then it was okay, homework and then it was get to bed and then, and so what we found is that the task of life and parenting sort of took over.
Speaker:Marriage.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:Like, like we were married, we have a marriage, but the relationship came about getting all that stuff done.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So then we'd say, Hey, you know what we should do?
Speaker:We should spend some time together.
Speaker:Kids are gonna bed.
Speaker:Let's get the kids.
Speaker:Watch Thursday night, let's go out.
Speaker:Or let's go, you know, let's just be home.
Speaker:And then we'd go like, oh man, we got about 11 things that are broken or past due to get paid or like problems to solve.
Speaker:And all we would do is in our quote time.
Speaker:Problem solve.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:So you're like, Hey, that was fun.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:Now back to task.
Speaker:So then we go another like week or two weeks or two months or whatever, and then we like, Hey, we really need some time together as a couple.
Speaker:And we would, and we would just problem solve.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:So, you know what I mean?
Speaker:We've
Speaker:had seasons of that too, of like our date nights ended up being.
Speaker:Running to Costco to get diapers, and it's like, no way.
Speaker:We can't.
Speaker:That's
Speaker:not a date night.
Speaker:That's
Speaker:right.
Speaker:I mean, that's being a couple, that's just help, you know?
Speaker:Right, right.
Speaker:You get to
Speaker:nothing special about it,
Speaker:and, and I, I don't, I'm not big on bifurcating everything.
Speaker:I think all of life is all of life, but what we're advocating for today, these date nights, is a real special time.
Speaker:It's an intentional time set aside.
Speaker:That's not a problem solving time.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Now, that doesn't mean that.
Speaker:You might not say, Hey, we're gonna get into deep conversations and get after our heart a little bit, which means maybe some sore spots will come up, or some forgiveness needs to be given or whatever.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:But it's, it's, that's different problem solving in a sense.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:I mean, I'm not saying turn your date nights into big heavy counseling sessions every, every week, you know, or whatever.
Speaker:But I, I would say that.
Speaker:Don't make your date nights times when you're going like, you know, we really gotta refinance the house.
Speaker:Or like, you know, like, the gutter's leaking like crazy.
Speaker:Or like, the car's banging again.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:How are we ever gonna afford a car?
Speaker:It's like, just leave that and make it about you guys.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Make it about what you're loving, what you're needing.
Speaker:Like, you know, what god's, what's God saying to you right now, honey?
Speaker:Like what?
Speaker:Just in life in general, you know?
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:What's been fun?
Speaker:This, what's the worst, what's, you know, play high, low game if you have to.
Speaker:Like, what's the best part of your week?
Speaker:What's the worst part of your week?
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:Yeah, I, it reminds me of, um, what J Pay Lightner said back in episode 1 0 4 when we were talking about children, which was a great episode, and if you haven't heard that, jump in on it, on how to enter into your kids' life.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But.
Speaker:One of the things he said in, in his big takeaway was, make your kids glad that you're in their life.
Speaker:And that's what this date night is as well.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Is going like, we can go to Costco and errands.
Speaker:But no, this is the night to focus.
Speaker:I
Speaker:look forward to, I, I really look forward to being together and having a time that's just about us and it's not trying to fix the world.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Or fix our kids or fix the house or anything.
Speaker:Just we're celebrating that.
Speaker:That's right.
Speaker:Glad you're in our life.
Speaker:That's
Speaker:right.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That is, uh, that's something that we've been trying to work on, but it's really hard.
Speaker:And, and
Speaker:let me give some practicals.
Speaker:Please do, let's just jump in on some practicals here.
Speaker:Um, for like, kind of working on upping our date night game.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So first thing I wanna say is put a regular time in your calendar, like, and if you don't have a shared calendar as a couple, I would suggest it.
Speaker:A lot of people have Gmail, so that means you get a calendar with it.
Speaker:Or even if you don't just.
Speaker:Open up a fake Gmail account that you never used, but get the calendar.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:And share It's pop it in or whatever.
Speaker:I mean, there's a million other apps too.
Speaker:You can just get a nap and have, have a shared calendar though, that kind of keeps track of stuff.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:And if nothing, if if for nothing else, you know, if.
Speaker:Schedule that date night.
Speaker:You know, I tell people like, Hey, did, did you have any conversations this week?
Speaker:Like at work with people, or did you have any meetings that you had to remember to go to?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:How did you remember?
Speaker:Well, I was in my calendar, so a little thing went off, you know?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Or how did you possibly fit that in?
Speaker:Well, it was all, it's been on there for a week, so I know it's coming or, or every week we have staff meetings, so I'm like, how do you, how did you possibly remember to pay your phone bill?
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:Well, it comes up every month, and if I put it in the calendar notification, put the bills on the third, whatever, you know?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So I'm saying, Hey, at least value your marriage and this date night.
Speaker:As much as those kinds of things.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Put it in your calendar.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Put it in your calendar.
Speaker:I believe it or not, this is sort of tangential.
Speaker:I have it every day.
Speaker:Every, every morning at nine 30, I get a little alarm that goes off PFT.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:Pray for Tina.
Speaker:That's what it means.
Speaker:People are like, dude, you, you will remember to pray for your wife if you didn't.
Speaker:You know what?
Speaker:A lot of times I wouldn't.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So I go like, is there anything more important for me than my marriage?
Speaker:My wife?
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Like in relationships?
Speaker:No, there's not.
Speaker:So I got all kinds of stuff on my calendar.
Speaker:A million things a week.
Speaker:Seven of those though, seven of those things I remember to pay for my office.
Speaker:So anyway, first thing is put it in your calendar.
Speaker:Keep it sacred.
Speaker:Like just let everybody know, like let everybody know in, in our communities, when we're really on a roll, the whole community knew like, Hey, can you do that Wednesday?
Speaker:Oh, you can.
Speaker:That's when you guys have a date night.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:And we tried to do it a night that wasn't like.
Speaker:Now we miss a whole ton of community stuff.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:Like if you know your community, you know, like you're mic, like you're in a Michel community or something.
Speaker:Or like there's a time when your community serves.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:And it's always like, at this time, don't make your date night that time.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Find an alternate.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And by the way, date night can just be date time.
Speaker:Like you might choose to do it breakfast 'cause it works better.
Speaker:I, I know couples that do that, they go, oh, and our favorite thing is.
Speaker:You know, the kids go off to school and on Fridays, man, we go out and have a crazy long brunch.
Speaker:Mm.
Speaker:And we see a movie and then we come home and it's, you know, it's time for some couple time.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And we did that with some friends too, that we shared kids swapping.
Speaker:And we'd go out from six to eight at night and then we'd do the reversal and they'd go out from eight
Speaker:10. That's, that's coming.
Speaker:That's one of my big tips.
Speaker:So, anyway.
Speaker:First one though, right?
Speaker:Just keep it, keep it sacred.
Speaker:Calendar, that thing.
Speaker:Make it as important as at least everything else.
Speaker:Uh, secondly, take turns.
Speaker:Planning out your date night.
Speaker:Oh, that's cool.
Speaker:And I wanna advocate, you know, like to, to the husbands listening.
Speaker:Like, lead well, right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Lead.
Speaker:If you have to start this, this is new.
Speaker:Take the lead in it guys.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Like, like, bless your wife by leading and protecting your marriage.
Speaker:Well, but as this gets going, take turns, like plan in it so it doesn't become a hassle or it just like rote thing.
Speaker:Like, well we always do this and we go, you know?
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Take turns, planning it and try to surprise each other a little bit.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:I'm not saying it has to be expensive or weird, whatever.
Speaker:And, and that's like the third tip I'd say is they don't have to be elaborate.
Speaker:But if you take it on and it's like, Hey, it's day night, honey, what are we doing tonight?
Speaker:What'd you plan out?
Speaker:It's like, oh, you're gonna love it.
Speaker:We're doing this.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And then we're gonna go here and, and then at the end of it, we're actually gonna run into so and so and, and we're gonna have, you know, go out for a drink or something afterwards, sort like, you plan the night next week, you don't know what's going on.
Speaker:She's planning it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's, it's cool.
Speaker:It's, it just kind of keeps it fun and unless of a burden and they don't have to be like, elaborate or super expensive.
Speaker:I can remember times when Tina and I, literally, our date night was.
Speaker:We packed up like leftovers, you know, in a little cooler bag.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And we went out and just had a picnic somewhere.
Speaker:Huh.
Speaker:And maybe we had enough money for some wine or something.
Speaker:I don't even, you know what I mean?
Speaker:It was just, but it was just that it was special.
Speaker:We went away, we looked out over, you know, Puget Sound or something.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And we just sat, there was no money really.
Speaker:It was no money.
Speaker:I can remember times this is, this will, this will date life now driving like 45 minutes to the only Starbucks that was anywhere near us.
Speaker:And our date night was like sitting there and having the most expensive coffee we'd ever had in our life.
Speaker:It was like two 10 back then or something.
Speaker:Yeah, right.
Speaker:And it was like a $5 date night.
Speaker:And it was like, man, look.
Speaker:How, how continental are we here?
Speaker:You know, like how European are we having our little, you know, mochas and stuff.
Speaker:But it was our date night, you know what I mean?
Speaker:That's a, and we had the drive there and we had to drive back.
Speaker:And so was three or four hours and someone watched the kids for us in the neighborhood or whatever, but you know what I mean?
Speaker:And you get, and you get conversation, right?
Speaker:Like
Speaker:that's the goal.
Speaker:It's it's not like running to a movie and, and you just stare at a screen for two hours.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:The drive to Starbucks, you have the
Speaker:coffee.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So we like movies a lot, you know, and in fact, I think Tina mentioned maybe we'd see a movie tonight, you know, like it's part of our date night.
Speaker:And I was like, uh, we won't do, you know, you think about it, you know.
Speaker:You can't talk in a movie.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Well, you're not supposed to.
Speaker:I do.
Speaker:My kids holler at me about that, but, but I'm not talking about, I'm usually talking about the movie.
Speaker:I'm not talking about marriage stuff Anyway, so I would say be careful with making movie, going to a movie a date night all the time.
Speaker:I'm not saying never do it, but Sure.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Uh, fourth, and you already kind of tipped your hand on this, swap out babysitting with other couples.
Speaker:Mm.
Speaker:Some people say I can't even, we can barely afford a date night, a cheap one, but if I have to add on.
Speaker:Three hours of babysitting at whatever people pay their babysitters.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:it's expensive these days.
Speaker:It's super expensive, right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it always felt expensive, just so you know.
Speaker:Proportionally it was always like, ah, you know, but now it's really expensive.
Speaker:It's like minimum wage or above.
Speaker:They're charging for
Speaker:child,
Speaker:right?
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so, hey, like swap that out.
Speaker:Get a little collective going.
Speaker:I know people have done that.
Speaker:It's like, you know what, we give three date nights a month because one of the weeks of the month, that's our night.
Speaker:And we take all the kids.
Speaker:Oh yeah.
Speaker:But then the other three, someone else is taking 'em all.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:That's how it works right now, because we got a bunch of kids and we can't afford it, you know?
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:And so work that out however you want.
Speaker:I'm not, I'm not gonna get too much into that.
Speaker:Um, fifth tip, and we kinda already hit on this, is don't talk about work stuff or only problems and negative things.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's, you know, I was gonna underscore that one, even though we've already said it.
Speaker:If you had a movie, you can't talk.
Speaker:But if you're out, you can talk.
Speaker:It's a talk, right?
Speaker:Don't make it a problem solving time and but, but do go after hard stuff.
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:but don't try to fix, you know, like if you've got, like, if you've got a rough spot in your marriage, you know what I mean?
Speaker:Or like there's something like, you might bring it up and try to seek to understand the thing behind the thing or another person's heart a little bit.
Speaker:But remember, keep it up.
Speaker:Make sure that you ke this is a positive thing.
Speaker:I love date night.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And if you determine in that like, we're not getting past this, we might need to get a little constant help or get another couple involved to help us work through it.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:Keep that state night sacred.
Speaker:Fun close, right?
Speaker:That's important, man.
Speaker:I, I know I've been guilty of that where there's seasons of just massive life decisions or, uh.
Speaker:Really struggling with trying to discipline our kids.
Speaker:And so then every date night became about like, well, how are we going to fix this?
Speaker:And for my wife it was like, date nights are no longer something to look forward to.
Speaker:They're just like,
Speaker:they're not like
Speaker:life giving if they're not at all.
Speaker:It's more of a like, I'd rather not have these because we're gonna go super deep.
Speaker:So think if
Speaker:we have to keep going after that stuff, could we just skip it and
Speaker:stay home?
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:Easier to stay catch up
Speaker:on Jane the Virgin or something.
Speaker:Um, and one of the things that you had mentioned, keeping things consistent on the calendar.
Speaker:Uh.
Speaker:You've said that when you have a consistent date night on your calendar, you are also modeling that to your kids that this is important.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:This is keeping mom and dad's marriage together and it's something that you want your kids to expect from their spouse, spouses, and others
Speaker:in the community.
Speaker:That's the
Speaker:point.
Speaker:A lot of folks that, you know, were like drafted behind Tina and I trying to figure out how to have a marriage.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And ours has certainly not been perfect, but God's given us a lot of grace and our desire is to pass that on.
Speaker:One of the things a lot of them have picked up, including our kids, is Wow, you guys are serious about this.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So they've seen, like I said, it hasn't been perfect.
Speaker:Okay, sure.
Speaker:By no stretch.
Speaker:But they've seen certainly long seasons where it's like, no, that's what T and Cesar do.
Speaker:And you know what, they're, they're, you know, they're, they're, they're 10, they're 20, they're 30 plus years now of this.
Speaker:They're saying that's a part of it, right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Maybe we should model that, honey.
Speaker:And so we know a lot of people that do date nights now, and we talked about why.
Speaker:And our kids, our kids saw it, you know?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Our kids have always seen us do this.
Speaker:They've always seen us kiss and hug and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker:And I'll tell you, it brings me.
Speaker:It brings me such great joy now when our kids go on date nights and now it's starting to tip over like, Hey, can you watch Patton?
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker:We'll watch him.
Speaker:What's up?
Speaker:Well, we got date night tonight and we've already done that.
Speaker:He's just a few weeks old.
Speaker:But yeah, there's like, they didn't wanna break the cycle and you, you can think of like, yeah, but it's a baby.
Speaker:You wanna stay home.
Speaker:It's like.
Speaker:We wanna have a great marriage Yeah.
Speaker:So that we can raise a great kid, you know?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And, and, and give him all that God intends.
Speaker:So anyway, it's, it's really important.
Speaker:And you can talk about like, well, your marriage is your most important thing.
Speaker:It doesn't seem like it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You guys like, you're like you're side by side or you're like in business partnership, but I don't see you guys ever having time alone.
Speaker:I don't see ever kissing or being a affection or any that, but No.
Speaker:When they see you kind of getting dressed up and like, yeah, you got flowers.
Speaker:Or Mom was really excited because you planned it this week and it was great.
Speaker:Or Dad was all stoked, you know?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And the daughter's like, I can't wait till I get to plan a date night for my husband someday.
Speaker:It's all good news.
Speaker:Well, it also sets up,
Speaker:it's all good news.
Speaker:A, a mentor of mine had said a while back, like, a consistency in that regard also sets up expectations for your kids of what to expect when they're being romanced in marriage.
Speaker:Because it's like, Hey, I know how dad took care of mom and that's the way I wanna be treated.
Speaker:And, uh, and so I'm not gonna mess around with,
Speaker:you know, and I just wanna tie the gospel back into this.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:'cause it, there is good news in this, you know.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:We, we have a father, right, who for the Bible says four, knew us.
Speaker:Like before we ever were knit together, before we were ever on this planet.
Speaker:Like millions and billions of people before us.
Speaker:But he knew us.
Speaker:And in knowing us in our needs, he sent a son to rescue us so that we could have the life he always dreamed of when we're sort of planning to bless others like that, knowing in advance.
Speaker:Our little kids are watching, they're gonna have marriages someday.
Speaker:That's all sort of good news.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's all sort of a reflection of dad's heart for us.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:It really is.
Speaker:It's a pursuit.
Speaker:Yeah, and, and think about it.
Speaker:We have a father who sent a son to take a bride.
Speaker:You know, the church is called the bride, you know, so when we're intentional about our marriages.
Speaker:Is that, that's a, that's a big thing.
Speaker:That is a really big thing.
Speaker:And, and, and next week, you know, just kind of tip my hand a little bit.
Speaker:Next week we're gonna talk about like, my reading list and how I get there.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And one of the things I'm gonna like, give our listeners is I, I annually try to plan in, Hey, what am I gonna read or learn about marriage to kind of pump the thing again.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:That's
Speaker:cool.
Speaker:Many, like, I, I'm gonna read a lot of books this year, but well, we'll talk about it next week.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But we're not just gonna leave people here today.
Speaker:We actually have something for them this week, which is the big three.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:And that's something that.
Speaker:We do every week that we just want people to have a takeaway, something that they can latch onto right now,
Speaker:boil it down to the big three
Speaker:and, uh, if you're driving or at the gym, or maybe you're setting up your, uh, your shared calendar for your spouse and you got other stuff going on, and you can't write this down right now, you can get this for free at everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Speaker:Caesar, what's the big three for this week?
Speaker:Okay, so here's the big three.
Speaker:One love's a choice.
Speaker:Romance doesn't just happen like in the movies.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:And then magically stay that way.
Speaker:Sometimes you can kind of fall in love, like in the movies, but, but marriage and love and romance is a choice.
Speaker:So just like all fires need to be rekindled and stoked and fed.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So does your marriage, and this is one of the most important things, stoking your marriage, being intentional about it, um, that.
Speaker:It that you can bring intentionality to in your whole life.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:It really is.
Speaker:It's not one to just hope it happens.
Speaker:Let's hope we stay close for the rest of our life.
Speaker:Let's hope our kids somehow, you know, that's, love's a choice.
Speaker:Be intentional.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Two.
Speaker:Um, your marriage is the best picture that gospel that God's given you?
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:Or it can be,
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:What I mean by this, like how we submit one to another.
Speaker:How we serve one another, how we love how we sacrifice our preferences and our quote rights in this relationship can all be a really beautiful picture of Jesus and how he's laid his life down for others.
Speaker:I mean, that's, that's I, I believe with all my heart, Heath.
Speaker:That's why God's given us marriage and kids and families is that when we do that, when we live this way of laying our lives down for them, it's like a picture of the gospel and people who does that.
Speaker:Well we do because Jesus has done it for us.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:We get to, so working on our marriage not only affects us right as a couple, but it affects our kids and our friends who are watching and learning as we model this life in Christ.
Speaker:And, and we've had people who are not yet believers go the way you and Tina are and the way you speak to each other and the way you raise your kids.
Speaker:It's so different than anything my wife and I have ever seen.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:And I know you're Christians.
Speaker:Is that part of it is, I mean, is that what you guys learn at church or, you know, it's like, it's, it's your marriage.
Speaker:Can be the biggest picture of the gospel that you'll ever have.
Speaker:The biggest great man.
Speaker:Okay, and then the third big three.
Speaker:This one's a question.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So the first two are a little bit like kind of advice.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Number three is a question.
Speaker:Do you currently have a marriage worth imitating?
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:Like could other couples or soon to be couples hang out with you and your wife or husband and really learn what a godly marriage looks like?
Speaker:In all areas.
Speaker:That's what we're fighting for, right,
Speaker:is Yeah, it is.
Speaker:Like if you'd say like, no, right now our marriage would not be worth imitating.
Speaker:Well, let me just say this then.
Speaker:Date nights are a perfect start or a restart to intentionally start to work on the things in your marriage.
Speaker:We all have them.
Speaker:That could improve and become a better picture of grace in the gospel.
Speaker:So you're not gonna fix everything in your marriage right away, but maybe, maybe dates, nights, that first intentionality you're throwing in.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Some intention in your marriage, I'd say start there.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's great.
Speaker:And one of the things that I love is that we always, with these big three, they're just something that we could latch onto tonight.
Speaker:I mean, we can,
Speaker:I hope so.
Speaker:We can send a text to a friend right now going, Hey, I, I need to get a date night in the next week.
Speaker:Can we swap some schedules?
Speaker:And this is something we can do right now.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I
Speaker:think
Speaker:you encourage a friend in that, like you said, swaps and now there's some accountability.
Speaker:Love.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Good one.
Speaker:It's great.
Speaker:Well, our time's up unfortunately, but we don't want you to not.
Speaker:Be able to get these big three.
Speaker:So again, if you want a copy, it's a free download of this week's Big three takeaways.
Speaker:You can get 'em by visiting everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Speaker:And again, we'll get those to you immediately.
Speaker:And we really hope you're enjoying this podcast.
Speaker:We're having a really great time.
Speaker:We're
Speaker:having a blast with
Speaker:it, putting it together.
Speaker:Fuck, I learn
Speaker:every week.
Speaker:You know, I, I learn a ton.
Speaker:And one of the things you could do to help us out is if, if you're really into what we're doing and, and loving the content that we're producing.
Speaker:Uh, we just ask you to do three things.
Speaker:One, would you go to iTunes and subscribe to this podcast?
Speaker:That way it's, uh, immediately available as soon as we release a new one, which are weekly.
Speaker:It'll pop up on your phone.
Speaker:You'll be subscribed.
Speaker:Ready to go.
Speaker:Boom.
Speaker:If you rate this show, we love lots of stars that, uh, that's super helpful for us.
Speaker:And then writing up a short review for us that gives us feedback that, um, we're hitting topics that you guys are interested in listening to, as well as, uh, gives us metrics that Apple looks at that says, Hey, we wanna get this podcast out to more people, which
Speaker:we're digging it.
Speaker:So
Speaker:if you do that, that would be super
Speaker:helpful.
Speaker:Us You know what, I share this, like, if you heard this podcast today and you're like, that's really good stuff.
Speaker:My sister and her husband need to hear that.
Speaker:Or, uh, people at our church need to hear that.
Speaker:Share it out.
Speaker:We'd love that.
Speaker:Thanks for joining us today.
Speaker:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember, you really can live with a spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.