How The Gospel Transforms Our Anger
Anger is undeniably a significant issue in our lives and culture, and it’s likely to remain so. However, anger can also be a positive thing. Yes, you read that right. Anger is an attribute of God and those who seek to love deeply.
In this episode of the Everyday Disciple Podcast, Caesar breaks down the source and purpose of anger. You’ll also see how and why anger can destroy us. And we’ll give you a way to heal the anger in your life.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- Anger may be destroying your health and relationships.
- Where (and why) the Bible commands us to be angry.
- A definition for uncorrupted, righteous anger.
- How to begin to heal your anger and move toward love.
From this episode:
“We tend to think that hate is the opposite of love, but actually the opposite of love is indifference; which is what we have if God never gets angry. True love gets angry at the unbelief, pain, and messed up consequences we see in the world and in the lives of those we love.”
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Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Coaching with Caesar and Tina in discipleship and missional living.
Free Discipleship and Missional Resources
Transcript
Anger is usually a secondary emotion.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not a primary emotion.
Caesar Kalinowski:So our anger can often disguise what's really going on, our primary emotions.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or we can be confused about what we or someone else is feeling as anger, but it's really something else.
Caesar Kalinowski:Might be frustration, sadness, grief.
Caesar Kalinowski:Often it's fear, or offense, or shame, or hurt, or guilt, or frustration, or even deep disappointment.
Caesar Kalinowski:The key to understanding the problem of anger is to start to see anger as an opportunity to look deeper into ourselves and into the heart of God.
Heath Hollensbe:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with God.
Heath Hollensbe:greater intentionality, and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Heath Hollensbe:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Heath Hollensbe:This is the stuff your parents, pastors, and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Heath Hollensbe:And now, here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, hey, here's another episode of the podcast.
Caesar Kalinowski:Together.
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Caesar Kalinowski:My wife Tina and I coach together and we coach couples.
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Caesar Kalinowski:com forward slash coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep, everydaydisciple.
Caesar Kalinowski:com forward slash coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now today we're going to be talking about anger and how the gospel speaks to our anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now I think we tend to look at anger in two very different ways, but they're really both part of the same issue.
Caesar Kalinowski:The two separate ways we look at anger is our anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:and then their anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:I look at my anger and I look at your anger and I, I want to look at, you know, why is the root of these two aspects of anger really the same issue?
Caesar Kalinowski:And I think it's because we tend to defend ourselves when someone's angry with us.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, when someone's angry with you right away, you're like, Hey, what do you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:But I only, you didn't, but if you, you know, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:We tend to defend ourselves when someone's angry with us, but we also tend to defend ourselves and our anger when we're angry with someone else.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:They're not liking it and we're just making the case for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I want you to think about that as we dig deeper into anger and what it's about, where it comes from, and the cure for the wrong kinds of anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I've got to say thanks to Tim Keller for just really helping my Brain and Heart get wrapped around this.
Caesar Kalinowski:He writes to this and speaks to this and his level of gospel fluency is just amazing.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, you know, I have to thank him for a whole lot of the thoughts that go into what I want to talk to you about today.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, first, anger can be very destructive at times.
Caesar Kalinowski:It can destroy things and can destroy us.
Caesar Kalinowski:First off, it destroys us physically, our bodies.
Caesar Kalinowski:Have you ever thought about that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger is hard on your body.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's harder than anxiety.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's harder than stress.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's harder than sadness.
Caesar Kalinowski:Proverbs even speaks to this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Proverbs 14 says, Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who's quick tempered displays folly.
Caesar Kalinowski:A sound mind makes for a robust body, but runaway emotions corrode the bones.
Caesar Kalinowski:Isn't it crazy?
Caesar Kalinowski:All these years of science sort of speaking into, when we're angry and freaked out a lot, or that's just sort of our disposition, it'll kill you.
Caesar Kalinowski:It really will.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger will destroy our bodies.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger also destroys our relationships and community.
Caesar Kalinowski:Again, Proverbs speaks into this, 29, uh, verse 22, An angry person stirs up conflict.
Caesar Kalinowski:You ever thought about that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger destroys so many relationships, and our self righteousness, and our desire to defend, or prove them wrong for being angry with us.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so often when we're angry, We throw our words around like weapons, and later on we feel bad about it, but usually our pride doesn't let us go and try to heal those wounds, and sometimes you can't unhear that stuff, that you, that people can't unhear what we've said, or we can't unhear what they've said, and even though we might say, yeah, okay, I forgive you, I understand, it can wound and ultimately change and ruin our community and our relationships.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what anger can do.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger also can destroy our capacity to make wise and intelligent decisions.
Caesar Kalinowski:Again, I have to just go to Proverbs here, 1429, it says, Whoever's patient has great understanding, but one who's quick tempered displays folly.
Caesar Kalinowski:What's folly?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like foolishness, like being a dummy, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And so when we're angry, you know how it is, like, they even, like in the cartoons, they talk about seeing red, or when you see it, you know, drawn, or even in, tvs like people's faces just get red and that's that's from reality.
Caesar Kalinowski:We get so clouded when we're angry and in defense mode or trying to prove ourselves right or whatever that it's hard for us to make wise and intelligent, intelligent decisions.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger destroys our ability to see things clearly, so you can see how destructive, just at its core, anger really is.
Caesar Kalinowski:It can destroy our bodies and our health.
Caesar Kalinowski:I hope that's not what is, has caused my gastrointestinal things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, anger can destroy our relationships and life in community with others.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it destroys our capacity to be wise and make good decisions.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, we can, we can see the enormous ability that anger has to destroy, but there's also a positive aspect to anger as well.
Caesar Kalinowski:The Bible actually has a lot to say about anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:And the Bible doesn't teach, don't be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:It doesn't teach no anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Rather, it calls us to slow anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:To be slow to be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Proverbs 15, 18.
Caesar Kalinowski:A hot tempered man stirs up strife, but the slowed anger calms a dispute.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it's not forbidding anger or saying, if you get angry, you're an idiot, you're a knucklehead.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, you can't ever be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:No.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's another Proverbs 16.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoever is slowed anger is better than the mighty.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now when it's talking about mighty, I get pictures of swords and battles and big muscles and all that kind of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's another one from James 1, 19 and 20.
Caesar Kalinowski:My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Caesar Kalinowski:The Bible teaches over and over to be slow to anger, never teaches don't be angry, never be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:It teaches us to be slow to anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:And as we're going to see here in a few minutes, it kind of shows us too what to be angry about, and maybe what not to be.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, why does the Bible spend so much time teaching us and commanding us, and it is, I'm telling you, it is dozens of times, to be slow to anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why is it teaching us to be slow to anger?
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, because anger is an attribute of God.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's one of the biggest reasons.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's the one that hits me the deepest.
Caesar Kalinowski:In fact, 13 times in the Old Testament, alone tells us that God is slow to anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Beginning right there in Exodus 34, where Moses is talking to God, and Moses says to God, show me your glory, you know, the essence of who you really are.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and it says there in Exodus 34, and God passed in front of Moses proclaiming, I am the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in love.
Caesar Kalinowski:So right there when God is expressing his glory, who he is, and explaining that and, and, And he's on the mountain with Moses.
Caesar Kalinowski:He says, I am the Lord, slow to anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, a lot of people struggle here because there's this sort of common feeling or perspective that we all want to believe that God is just a God of love.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's a God that never gets angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, here's the problem with that perspective.
Caesar Kalinowski:And again, Tim Keller is so wise in this.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's quoting him.
Caesar Kalinowski:He says, if you have a God that never gets angry, you can't have a God of love because if God never gets angry, he can't really love anything.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's pretty deep.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's pretty heavy.
Caesar Kalinowski:See, if there's someone or something we love and that person's threatened, you will, and you get to be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, why does God get angry?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's because, he said it right there in that same, when he's telling Moses who he is, because of his abounding love.
Caesar Kalinowski:I am the Lord, slow to anger, abounding in love.
Caesar Kalinowski:By the way, we see the same thing in Jesus when we look at his life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Who, remember, Jesus is perfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:He never sins.
Caesar Kalinowski:But yet, we see him getting angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:We see him getting angry with the money changers at the temple in John 2.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's angry at the religious leaders in Mark 3.
Caesar Kalinowski:He gets angry at the tomb of Lazarus, John 11.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, see that's that's mirroring what his father's like, but notice the things he's angry about We tend to think that hate is the opposite of love, but actually the opposite of love is is indifference.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna say that again.
Caesar Kalinowski:The opposite of love is indifference, which is what we'd have if God never got angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:True love, we see in God's character and in Jesus life, true love gets angry at the unbelief and pain and messed up consequences that we see in the world.
Caesar Kalinowski:And in the lives of those we love.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what we see Jesus getting angry about.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, a really good definition for uncorrupted righteous anger is love in motion toward a threat to someone or something we love.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's powerful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love in motion toward a threat to someone or something you love.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's righteous anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:And let's just dial it in a little tighter here.
Caesar Kalinowski:If what we love the most in our life is truly God's glory.
Caesar Kalinowski:In other words, seeing him be shown and seen for who he really is.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then when we see his character slandered, when we see his image bears harmed or denied or marginalized.
Caesar Kalinowski:That causes us to get angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:We get angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:That looks a lot like Jesus, and yet we still see in Ephesians 4, 26, Scripture saying, Be angry and yet do not sin.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's just that little short verse is so packed full of instruction here around anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:So there's actually a command in Scripture to be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And yet do not sin.
Caesar Kalinowski:What we can say here is that uncorrupted, holy, or righteous anger is a form of love.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, but sin not.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because what's sin?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sin is unbelief.
Caesar Kalinowski:All sin, Romans teaches, is from unbelief.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's our false belief concerning what is true of God, now true of ourselves, and true of others.
Caesar Kalinowski:So be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Be angry with yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Towards threats and that thing we love the most, God's glory and his image bearers, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Who show off his glory.
Caesar Kalinowski:Be angry about that, you know, being harmed and and marginalized and injustices, but sin not.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't do it in a way that only propagates unbelief.
Caesar Kalinowski:or false belief concerning what is true of God, or others.
Caesar Kalinowski:And often that happens when we start to defend ourselves, or we start to defend our anger, or ourself against someone else being angry, and all of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:See how those two things keep coming together?
Caesar Kalinowski:So we can see here why the command to be slow to anger is really a picture of, of a grand attribute of God and His love for us.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that brings me to my next point.
Caesar Kalinowski:The reality of anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:and, and why it goes wrong and where it comes from, because it doesn't always go well.
Caesar Kalinowski:We don't always have righteous anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:We've got other kinds.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, think about this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger is usually a secondary emotion.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not a primary emotion.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, our anger can often disguise what's really going on, our primary emotions.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or we can be confused about what we or someone else is feeling as anger, but it's really something else.
Caesar Kalinowski:Might be frustration, or sadness, or grief.
Caesar Kalinowski:Often it's fear, or offense, or shame, or hurt, or guilt, or frustration.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or even Deep Disappointment.
Caesar Kalinowski:People often mistakenly believe that the best we can do though with this is learn how to manage that anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just put it away.
Caesar Kalinowski:When we were kids, we weren't allowed to have a whole lot of emotions.
Caesar Kalinowski:Certainly not show anger, ugh, towards our parents or each other.
Caesar Kalinowski:We got in trouble for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or if we were really sad or frustrated, We, well, you know, or whatever you can go to your room until you can, you can come out with a smile and be happy.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And get, you know, what are you, what are you hollering about or whatever?
Caesar Kalinowski:And so that has, that has just gone deeply into our culture.
Caesar Kalinowski:That, like, the best way to manage anger is just trying harder to control ourselves.
Caesar Kalinowski:Get some anger management classes.
Caesar Kalinowski:Learn how to try harder.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's the law.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's where all the shoulds come from.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:You really shouldn't do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You should feel this way.
Caesar Kalinowski:But I do feel this way.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, that's the reality of anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's often masking something else.
Caesar Kalinowski:And while it's certainly true that emotionally and spiritually healthy people maybe do manage their emotions, better or in well, let's say even the key to understanding the problem of anger is to Start to see anger as an opportunity to look deeper into ourselves and into the heart of God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, I think that's what emotions are for.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think God has given us all those different emotions, and anger being one of them, to help us understand Him better, and understand ourselves, and what we're feeling, where we might be living with unbelief, or trying to control, or we're living with fear.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, I think it's key to understanding the problem of anger is to see it as an opportunity to look deeper into our own hearts and also into that character of God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our anger can become a window through which we can discover and start to deal with the brokenness that we bring into our lives and into our relationships.
Caesar Kalinowski:Especially when we see things that are over and over and over and recurring.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, what I'm asking you to kind of think about here and consider is when you feel anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:That you'd view it as an opportunity to explore what may be below the surface.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not saying don't, don't ever have anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Scripture doesn't say that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not gonna say that.
Caesar Kalinowski:But could you explore the thing behind the thing?
Caesar Kalinowski:What may that anger be covering up?
Caesar Kalinowski:Is it a righteous anger?
Caesar Kalinowski:Is it a, is it a moving towards something that's harming God's character or others?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or is it something you're defending in yourself, or is it masking shame, or disappointment, or fear?
Caesar Kalinowski:The overarching purpose of all of this, all emotions, is that we would know God, and ourselves, and one another more fully and authentically.
Caesar Kalinowski:And anger is, is also a part of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:God has given us anger and all of our emotions to catch our attention to what our hearts are really experiencing.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think this is part of the beginning of, of some breakthroughs for some of us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Especially if you feel like you deal with anger a lot.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's just so much frustration and anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ultimately, the purpose of examining our emotions is not merely to be a nicer person or get along better, but to reveal what is separating us from God and others.
Caesar Kalinowski:What might be separating us from really experiencing his unconditional and perfect and unending love?
Caesar Kalinowski:Despite our anger or despite our unrighteous anger or or despite anything Really it helps us examine all of that
Caesar Kalinowski:and that's so gospel when I think about that Like could our anger be helping us see the thing behind the thing that might be separating us from God's love or the love of other people?
Caesar Kalinowski:Bible kind of speaks to that in Colossians 3.
Caesar Kalinowski:Put to death, it says whatever belongs to your earthly nature And it gets into a pretty heavy list your sexual morality, impurity, lust, evil desires, greed, which is all idolatry It's saying, those are the things that are going to separate us from God and others.
Caesar Kalinowski:And idolatry is when we make a good thing into an ultimate thing, something we have to have, power, success, winning, comfort, to be seen as right, or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:All those things could separate us from God, and they might be idols, they might be things that we've so held on to and defended for so long that we don't even see it anymore.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're so sure we're right, that every time it comes up, we've got a well worn groove there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, let's talk a little bit about healing our anger when it's not righteous anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:First, uh, admit that you're angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Start there.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think that's the beginning of the way out of unrighteous anger is to admit it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like it's part of that analyzing it, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:What might be the thing behind it?
Caesar Kalinowski:But start with, I'm angry right now, why am I feeling angry?
Caesar Kalinowski:And stop defending it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then I think you can really start to more clearly see the thing behind the thing and start to get rid of it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what Ephesians 4 says.
Caesar Kalinowski:Next, uh, analyze that anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger, anger's coming from what you believe.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not coming from what the other person said or what other people are doing to you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hear that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna say it again.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anger comes from what?
Caesar Kalinowski:We believe not from what others are saying or doing.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if someone says, uh, you, you, I don't want you to do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you get angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's cause why?
Caesar Kalinowski:Cause you want to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, if someone says something about you and it, you know, it kind of tears down your character or whatever, that's because you get angry because you want to be seen a certain way, even if it's not true and if it is true, guess what?
Caesar Kalinowski:There's other things about us that probably if they knew the truth, it'd be worse.
Caesar Kalinowski:So who, or what are you seeking to control?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a great question to ask as you try to analyze your anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Am I trying to control this person, uh, this situation, their view of me, their understanding of me?
Caesar Kalinowski:Often, the flip side of anger is control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Have you ever noticed that?
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm generally angry because I'm not able to control a situation, or the person, or my kid's attitude, or their choices, or my spouse.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know what the flip side of that is?
Caesar Kalinowski:We keep going, so anger is really about control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Control is about fear.
Caesar Kalinowski:What do you fear?
Caesar Kalinowski:Cause see, we try to control what we fear.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, we try to control that, what we fear.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if you fear loss of respect, you're gonna get angry about it, because you can't control what other people think.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or if you fear your kids not thinking you're super mom, or the best dad in the whole world, because, you know what, I, I, I had to work a little bit today, there was something going on, or whatever, I had to miss one of your games, but I've tried to make them all!
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh my God, if you fear not being a super, Dad or parent or whatever and the consequence is or I mean the situation is such that you you know you had to you might get angry about that and you might direct it at your job or The traffic or your boss or something like that because you can't control it, but remember God is great So we don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Some of you are already going there.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you listen to the podcast regularly, we've talked about the four G's, these four truths about God that all start with G.
Caesar Kalinowski:We learned them from Tim Chester.
Caesar Kalinowski:But God is great, so we don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:So when we're analyzing our anger, that's, that comes into it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Who or what are we seeking to control, and why?
Caesar Kalinowski:What do we fear?
Caesar Kalinowski:If you want to go deeper into those four G's, you can, you can go back, dial back on the podcast to episode 131.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's an episode called, What Causes Sin and How to Stop It.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's another thing I got from Tim Keller.
Caesar Kalinowski:He says this, he goes, What am I defending?
Caesar Kalinowski:He says, if you ask yourself what I'm defending in a situation that you're angry about, he says, you'll have the answer to what your heart loves the most.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, what am I defending?
Caesar Kalinowski:Myself, my character, my position, my rights?
Caesar Kalinowski:My kids, my parenting, my choices.
Caesar Kalinowski:What am I defending?
Caesar Kalinowski:And then we're gonna have the answer to what we, our heart loves the most.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, analyze your anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ask God and, and perhaps a good friend or your spouse to help you see what primary emotions like fear or frustration or grief or offense could be lurking below the surface.
Caesar Kalinowski:Am I, what am I trying to defend here?
Caesar Kalinowski:What am I trying to control?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's part of how we're gonna heal our anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, what about when others are angry?
Caesar Kalinowski:At you, at us.
Caesar Kalinowski:When someone's angry at you, you've got a few options.
Caesar Kalinowski:First, you can withdraw.
Caesar Kalinowski:You can just avoid that person.
Caesar Kalinowski:Often that happens.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our fear of man is like, oh, that person's angry with me.
Caesar Kalinowski:I love myself so much, I can't take it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or I'm so angry, I just, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna be around them anymore.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we just create distance.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's an option.
Caesar Kalinowski:But that's not God's hope for us, distance between us and others, no, uh uh.
Caesar Kalinowski:The second thing is, uh, so first we can, we, when people are angry at us we can withdraw.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second thing we can do is we can defend ourselves and get angry and give it right back to them.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's one of those two main lenses I talked about right at the beginning.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh huh, people get angry, what do I do?
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna defend my position.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or here's the third thing we can do, and this is where the gospel really starts to speak into this.
Caesar Kalinowski:The third thing, so, first, what can we do when people are angry at us?
Caesar Kalinowski:We can withdraw.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second, we can defend ourselves.
Caesar Kalinowski:Third, we can absorb the anger of others.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's a picture of the gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's an experience of the good news in action.
Caesar Kalinowski:Proverbs 15.
Caesar Kalinowski:1, a gentle answer Turns away wrath, someone's anger towards us.
Caesar Kalinowski:But a harsh word stirs up more anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:See, what the Bible's teaching us here is to redeem our enemies.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm hmm, forgive them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absorb that anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't make it worse.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't avoid it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't just defend yourself and then walk away like, well, there you go, showed you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absorb their anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is what Jesus did.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's hanging on the cross, just about to die after being brutally beaten on our behalf because of our sins and he goes, Father, forgive them for they do not know what they're doing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:We see that in Luke.
Caesar Kalinowski:We see it throughout the Gospels.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:See, that's our third choice.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's the gospel choice in this, to absorb the anger of others, to lay down our need to defend, to lay down our need to control things we really can't control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Remember at the beginning when I was saying that we tend to look at anger in these two different ways, but they're really part of the same issue?
Caesar Kalinowski:We look at our anger, and then we look at their anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I was saying, we tend to, you know, defend ourselves when someone's angry with us, even though we may have caused or earned their anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:We also tend to defend our anger when we're angry, like we are often angry at God for not giving us the perfect life of our own choosing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:See how this starts to all tie together?
Caesar Kalinowski:And on the cross, Jesus absorbed the deserved anger of God for this sin riddled humanity, for all of us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, do you believe that?
Caesar Kalinowski:And because Jesus did it for you, for me, we can now, by his strength and power, do the same for others.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because those who have been forgiven much love much, Luke 7 tells us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, we get to.
Caesar Kalinowski:When we believe that God has been slow to anger with us and absorbed the penalty for our sins, which are all ultimately against Him, then we can begin to live the same way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Being slow to anger with others and seeking to absorb their anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we get to help shoulder the weight and the consequence of their sin.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'll tell you, that is really good news that this world needs a lot more of.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You see, anger is a big deal.
Caesar Kalinowski:But it's going to show us a lot, and it also gives us great opportunity for the gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:As always, I want to leave you with the big three takeaways from this talk today.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, if nothing else, you don't miss these things, and you can get these as a printable PDF.
Caesar Kalinowski:of the Big Three here for free as a download by going to everydaydisciple.
Caesar Kalinowski:com forward slash Big Three, B I G 3.
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright, that's a lot of stuff to sort of condense down, but here's my Big Three for the week.
Caesar Kalinowski:First, the Bible does not teach us to never be angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:It teaches us to be slow to anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:which is an attribute of our righteous and loving God.
Caesar Kalinowski:We may need to take some time to rethink the type of anger we have and what makes us angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, but uncorrupted, holy, or righteous anger is a great form of love.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love in motion toward a threat to someone else, to something we love.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we get to be angry, but the right kind of anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second, we tend to think that hate is the opposite of love, but actually the opposite of love is indifference, doing nothing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Which is what we'd have if we never got angry.
Caesar Kalinowski:True love gets angry at the unbelief, pain, and messed up consequences in the world, and in the lives of those we love.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's why, in great love, God sent his son Jesus to put an end to sin and death, absorbing God's righteous wrath and anger toward that which is unholy.
Caesar Kalinowski:He loved us too much to, to never deal with our sin, or turn away, or avoid us.
Caesar Kalinowski:And third, the key to understanding anger is to see it as an opportunity to look deeper into our hearts and into the heart of God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our anger can become a window through which we can discover and deal with our woundedness.
Caesar Kalinowski:The things we bring into our lives that are not healthy or our anger.
Caesar Kalinowski:And when you feel anger, use it as an opportunity to explore what may be below the surface, what that anger may be covering up, that true thing behind the thing, and then ask God to replace that with truth.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, I hope that's helpful.
Caesar Kalinowski:I hope this has been encouraging for you.
Caesar Kalinowski:I hope this gives you new insights into your own heart and maybe some things that cause you anger or other people are angry with you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, it's big and it's really a gospel issue as is pretty much everything else.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right, well, that's about it for today.
Caesar Kalinowski:Again, I want to extend an invitation for you to maybe join us in some coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:to grow in your gospel fluency, to grow in everyday discipleship.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'd love to hop on a discovery call with you to, uh, to tell you more about it, to answer any questions you have.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let me start out by sending you to this page here where you can get a whole bunch of information.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then if you're interested, there's a little form you can fill out and it'll send it to me.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then we'll set up a zoom call and, and we'll talk, get to know each other a little bit better.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'll tell you all about the coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just go to everydaydisciple.
Caesar Kalinowski:com forward slash coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's EverydayDisciple.
Caesar Kalinowski:com forward slash coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, well that's it for today.
Caesar Kalinowski:I hope you'll come back and join me for the next episode next week, we're going to go deep again.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll look forward to it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Talk to you soon.
Heath Hollensbe:Thanks for joining us today.
Heath Hollensbe:For more information on this show, and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit EverydayDisciple.
Heath Hollensbe:com.
Heath Hollensbe:And remember, you really can live with the spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.