7 Things to Know Before You Get Married
Preparing for marriage can feel exciting—and a little overwhelming. Whether you’re single, engaged, or helping your kids navigate this season, understanding what truly matters before saying “I do” can make all the difference.
In this episode, Caesar and his wife, Tina, share lessons from over 30 years of marriage and raising three adult kids who love Jesus. You’ll discover how God’s timing, wisdom, and grace shape healthy relationships that last.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
- The key differences between dating, courtship, and engagement—and why they matter.
- The true purpose of engagement and how it prepares couples for marriage.
- 7 areas of life to align and talk through before setting the date.
- Why biblical marriage reflects God’s design for love between a man and a woman
From this episode:
“God has given us marriage as a gift and blessing! And his desire has always been to show what he is really like in the world and magnify his image and glory–not ours. Trusting in his timing for his purpose is the beginning of a long and healthy relationship.”
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
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Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
The Gospel In Everyday Life Workshop Register Now FREE
Coaching and Mentorship in Missional Living by Caesar and his wife Tina
Resources for missional living and group training – Missio Publishing
Get Caesar’s latest book: Bigger Gospel for FREE… Click here.
Transcript
So we've got dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage.
Heath Hollensbe:How would you define those and unpack each one of those a bit?
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:First off, I'd say, but when someone goes on a date, it's not very helpful to immediately assume that this is a marriage interview and assessment.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:But people do.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And in my experience, being a Christian and pastoring for years, I see Christians are the worst when it comes to like every date is like an engagement interview or a marriage interview.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think dating's a time for building relationships and, and friendship.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're building friendships and you're testing out relationships, and I think it's a time to learn about yourself in relation to those of the opposite sex.
Heath Hollensbe:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Heath Hollensbe:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Heath Hollensbe:This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Heath Hollensbe:And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, hello, how are you, my friend?
Heath Hollensbe:I'm good, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're good to go.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're living the dream today.
Heath Hollensbe:Living the dream.
Heath Hollensbe:Gearing up.
Heath Hollensbe:I, I feel the love in the air as we're talking about dating and marriage.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:So, nice little spin,
Caesar Kalinowski:but, uh, yeah, I mean, here we are and, um, podcast, , listenership going up.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm excited and thankful for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just wanna thank our listeners.
Caesar Kalinowski:You must be sharing it, showing up regularly, all that stuff, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:In fact, if you've not.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just like shared it, like when we send out the post or you see it in Facebook feed or whatever, would you just share that out for us?
Caesar Kalinowski:Cost you nothing?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Nice.
Caesar Kalinowski:We'd love that.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause it just helps get the word out and, uh, yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we love hearing from you guys too.
Heath Hollensbe:Hey, speaking of love, we've been shown some love by some new, uh, reviews that we wanted to call out here.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh oh, up in iTunes.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, the iTunes review.
Heath Hollensbe:People are listening and leaving reviews.
Heath Hollensbe:, Andrew Dash v CT is his name, and he says, this is a helpful podcast for putting the gospel first over our current traditions and preferences.
Heath Hollensbe:I feel like it's helping me become more Gospel fluent.
Heath Hollensbe:Boom.
Heath Hollensbe:Love it.
Heath Hollensbe:That's what we want.
Heath Hollensbe:Right?
Heath Hollensbe:Love.
Heath Hollensbe:Exactly.
Heath Hollensbe:Love it.
Heath Hollensbe:Thanks, Andrew.
Heath Hollensbe:Dash, vvc T and then KS Pastor.
Heath Hollensbe:Who wrote from Germany?
Heath Hollensbe:Yes.
Heath Hollensbe:I don't, I was gonna try to do a, a German accent.
Heath Hollensbe:We're actually like, we
Caesar Kalinowski:have listeners like in 50 plus countries.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, I love it.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's so cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:I dunno how
Heath Hollensbe:you're finding us, but keep finding us.
Heath Hollensbe:So Chaos Pastor says high quality podcast, real topics, gospel centered, interesting hosts.
Heath Hollensbe:What more can I say?
Caesar Kalinowski:Not much.
Caesar Kalinowski:So here's the begging.
Caesar Kalinowski:So here's the begging, like if you've not stopped by and given us a review.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know, just like, click the stars and do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Would you do it?
Caesar Kalinowski:I know it takes, oh gosh, it's gotta take a minute.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's gotta take a whole minute of your life, but you're gonna listen for 30 and, and we spend hours preparing these, so that would be such a huge blessing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:The thousands and people listening, we don't have thousands of reviews.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love that
Heath Hollensbe:man.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay, let's thanks for those awesome reviews today.
Heath Hollensbe:We're actually gonna talk about how parents can help their kids in avoiding all too common and unhealthy, like dating pitfalls that they just don't understand the difference between dating courtship.
Heath Hollensbe:Engagement in a marriage.
Heath Hollensbe:Right?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:That's
Caesar Kalinowski:a mouthful, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a lot.
Caesar Kalinowski:But it's true.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so like to do a really strong hey marriage and here's some tips.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ah, there's a million tons of that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, uh, truth be known, I'm reading 'em 'cause I need to learn fairness.
Caesar Kalinowski:But as I look at, I look at either we have listeners that aren't married.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:So they look at Valentine's Day and they're like, mm, I don't know.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, am I gonna.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hand out lots of flowers and shuffle whatever, you know, they're thinking through dating still.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And maybe they have an eye towards marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, or people have their kids either in that dating slash looking to get married age or they know it's coming.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:It, it's not every listener, it's a lot of listeners.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's, I think it hits just about everybody, but there is, um, a, there is this huge, I think, misunderstanding.
Caesar Kalinowski:I haven't really talked about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I Google it and you can't barely find anything.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:On the differences between dating.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:What's dating really all about?
Caesar Kalinowski:Courtship then.
Caesar Kalinowski:Follows dating.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Engagement, once you're engaged, um, what's that all about and what's the goals of that?
Caesar Kalinowski:And then okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:That leads to then hopefully marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:For, for those gods or Dean that for, so anyway, that's what we're gonna talk about today and I got a lot to cover and I don't wanna go over, so
Heath Hollensbe:yeah,
Caesar Kalinowski:let's, let's get
Heath Hollensbe:started because, um.
Heath Hollensbe:I think a lot of our listeners might not know much about you and Tina, uh, your family, your marriage, your kids.
Heath Hollensbe:So why don't you start by telling us a little bit of your story as we sort of set this table for why this topic is so important to
Caesar Kalinowski:you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, first off, I'll say that, uh, our parents told us nothing about this ever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like they never talk about dating or courtship, none.
Caesar Kalinowski:Zero, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:How to have a good marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:We both came from broken marriages growing up.
Caesar Kalinowski:My parents actually got remarried after 11 months of being divorced.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:My dad got saved.
Heath Hollensbe:Cool is that, and I came
Caesar Kalinowski:home one day and my dad was there not on his visitation day.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I was like, what are you doing here?
Caesar Kalinowski:And he is like, oh, well it's his story.
Caesar Kalinowski:I couldn't believe it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Unreal.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anyway, but um, so we weren't, we none of this, we were taught any of this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, um, we had no idea what the difference was between any of that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:But we started dating.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:We met and then started dating, uh, when we were 16 in high school.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:We went to rival high schools, literally in the same town.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, um, we started dating and it was kind of cross town thing, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and that was, uh, this, this year we're coming up on 34 years.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Is that right?
Caesar Kalinowski:35.
Caesar Kalinowski:Geez.
Caesar Kalinowski:Geez, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I should know.
Heath Hollensbe:Over three decades now.
Heath Hollensbe:We were
Caesar Kalinowski:eight years old when we met and when we got married at, at 11.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that's why I look so young.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's right.
Caesar Kalinowski:You and we had kids right away.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anyway, so, so we didn't know anything and, and seriously, by God's grace, we would not be married today.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, I'm not, I'm not throwing that out like, like flippantly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like we would not, and Tina and I have gone through like most couples ups and downs and, but I would say on the curve, man, it just gets better and better.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, but because of the gospel and what we're learning about our identity and who God is, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And the same with our kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we have three kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're grown, two of them are married, and I've talked about them before.
Caesar Kalinowski:So Cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:We, we've been married a long time and I would say.
Caesar Kalinowski:The things I'm gonna talk about today, we learned along the way 'cause we weren't taught it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Through, through life lessons pastoring, uh, and raising these kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I would say the things that I'm gonna share today by God's grace, our kids, they did this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we've seen now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like I said, two outta three are married and they're both married really well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like they're married forever.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm really pretty confident in that, and I'll talk about a lot of that stuff, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so there might even be things today that I fly past.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, you know, if you listen to this, you're like, oh, I want more of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just write us and get on, you know, get on the Facebook group with us and we'll go deeper and if it's necessary, we'll do another episode and dig down into the channels of all this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So,
Heath Hollensbe:okay, so let's, let's walk through what these four critical seasons of relationship are.
Heath Hollensbe:What the goals are for each season or maybe even the phase.
Heath Hollensbe:So we've got dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage.
Heath Hollensbe:How would you define those and unpack each one of those a
Caesar Kalinowski:bit?
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:First off, I'd say, um.
Caesar Kalinowski:When someone goes on a date, it's not very helpful to immediately assume that this is a marriage interview and assessment.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:But people do.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And in my experience, being a Christian and pastoring for years, I, I see like Christians are the worst when it comes to like, every date is like an engagement interview or a marriage interview.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I saw a meme recently where, um.
Caesar Kalinowski:Gal sitting across the guy from, you know, at a table having dinner or something like that and she goes, well, since it's our first day, I thought it'd be really important to go ahead and name our first five kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's like, wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I was like, I need that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe if we can, if I can find that, we'll go ahead and post it with this episode, but, okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, uh, so here's what dating I think is Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you'll see as we go along how these all flow and why they're important.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, this will loop around a little bit.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I think dating's a time for building relationships.
Caesar Kalinowski:And test and friendship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like you're, you're, you're building friendships and you're testing out relationships, and I think it's a time to learn about yourself in relation to those of the opposite sex.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, for many people, that's part of that process happens in parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like we've talked about other episodes, I've dated my daughters since they were little.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:My wife did the same with her son, so that's part of it.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, but you know, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not all of it.
Caesar Kalinowski:So dating is, is building friendships and learning how to even interact.
Caesar Kalinowski:B with people of the opposite sex.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it's to learn about what you find important in other people and attractive and what's a turnoff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and why not, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and I'll just say this, I'm big on group dating, especially for younger folks.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm big on it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, but even those in their twenties and beyond, and as I'm gonna point out, you know, coming up here, dates are not supposed to be courtship.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's different.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, uh, right away, I know a bunch of our listeners are like, well, um, should Christians be dating non-Christians?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, the whole unequally yoked thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, in my understanding and definition I just gave of what dating is, I don't think there's a yolk ness going on.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, to me to say that and not, and a lot of people are gonna disagree or their fear of what could happen.
Caesar Kalinowski:So keep, you know, if their kids were to date a non-Christian.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hold on, keep going.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's more to the process.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause there's four crucial steps here, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, so don't freak out yet, but let hear me out.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, so if, if.
Caesar Kalinowski:Dating is about building friendships and all.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, well, what about the whole unequal yolks?
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, does that mean you can't have friendships with not yet believers?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:How are you ever gonna make disciples?
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'm not saying missionary dating, I'm just saying if dating's about building friendships, you're often doing it in groups.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're learning about yourself as much as other people.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's not sinful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:You can't, won't find anything biblical that says Don't do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, I, I'm not a big fan at all.
Caesar Kalinowski:In fact, I'm dead against it.
Caesar Kalinowski:A believer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Marrying a not yet believer.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think you have just problems galore.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I just, it's, you know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, and I think the scripture could point to that as well, but when dating, we let our kids date.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not yet believers.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause they didn't see it as marriage light.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can remember even way back in high school when I was kinda lost as a goose and wasn't even dating yet, or barely ever in my whole life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:There was always those kids that were like dating forever, you know, the guy or girl that's just with everybody.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I would just see 'em up against the lockers, just like going at it, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just like make it out.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they were always together and they were on the phone nonstop and they were, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I was like.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's like marriage light.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you guys are like 16 or 17 that simmer down, like simmer down.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's not even get a room.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like don't get a room.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like just be friends first.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I think dating is about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and I, and I could point to and praise God for very, you know, very many opportunities with, uh, that or examples where my own kids,
Heath Hollensbe:yeah,
Caesar Kalinowski:we're dating someone.
Caesar Kalinowski:And as soon as that person, that that wasn't a believer, okay, as soon or had gone on dates, let's say that there was no exclusivity.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was just like they had gone on dates either in group or you know, Hey, let's go out and get some coffee.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's go to movie or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and as soon as that person either made it very clear that they had no interest in faith.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or, um, they wanted more from the relationship emotionally or physically than they were gonna go.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, 'cause that's a marriage thing, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:IE sex or like making out like crazy whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:They were just like, Hey, hey, that's something I say for marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is, you know Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm just trying to be friends with you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they, that was that.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now they also dated people in FA of Faith as well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:But we kind of had the same criteria.
Caesar Kalinowski:Makes sense.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:So.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, you know, there again, not all of our listeners are gonna agree with me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's move to courtship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So imagine if you've learned over the time how to build friendships and you kind of are learning about what's important to you and you're learning about yourself and where you're weird and awkward and that's what's going on.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, what's courtship actually looked up the word courtship 'cause it's not used that much anymore.
Caesar Kalinowski:Dictionary says it's a period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship, especially with a view towards marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Huh?
Caesar Kalinowski:Thought that's pretty accurate.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, it's great.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's not dating though.
Caesar Kalinowski:Nope.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, that's not what a date is.
Caesar Kalinowski:A date is like a calendar time to hang out, be friends.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it's important to, yeah, separate those two, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, so then courtship is when, when two people that have probably been on several dates or even they might have said, Hey, let's date exclusively for a while.
Caesar Kalinowski:They begin to pursue deeper connections emotionally.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And C, they're testing out to see if romantic love is blooming as well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, dating and courtship too often though, get rolled into one immediate ball.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that first dates are really courtship rituals.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay.
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's unfair.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it's super unfair, I think.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:The, think about the pressure you're putting on somebody first couple dates.
Caesar Kalinowski:That was funny when I got going again.
Caesar Kalinowski:Great.
Caesar Kalinowski:And in the back of your mind, you have picked out the house and the kids and where you're gonna, and I'm gonna stay home and you're not gonna work and I'm gonna work and you're not gonna work.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna work.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, all that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you're like, whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't put that on friendships.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's not, you know, that's like usury
Heath Hollensbe:at any level.
Heath Hollensbe:It's interesting, man, because when I was dating or courting Kathleen, even the, uh, I remember we weren't allowed our whole time before we got married.
Heath Hollensbe:It was always done.
Heath Hollensbe:We didn't go on a single date anywhere.
Heath Hollensbe:It was always with friends.
Heath Hollensbe:We always had, uh, family around.
Heath Hollensbe:And that was the, the goal of, of the whole courting relationship was like, Hey, even if this doesn't pan out.
Heath Hollensbe:You're still friends.
Heath Hollensbe:Our families love each other.
Heath Hollensbe:It's not weird.
Heath Hollensbe:It's not awkward.
Heath Hollensbe:So we were never allowed to just go out one-on-one and do anything together.
Heath Hollensbe:We never went on a date before we were married.
Heath Hollensbe:That's fascinating.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and I, and I, and I think too that, you know, our listeners can understand that certain conversations on a date are they're personal.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you're moving to talking about like, Hey, you wanna get married, how many kids you wanna have, you know, like, where would you wanna live?
Caesar Kalinowski:What do you think about this?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, let's talk about our theology.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, whatever you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Man, that's, that's courtship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:See, 'cause now you're starting to test deeper waters.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you're seeing if more of the categories of, you know, that are gonna be important later line up might be a fit.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:After lining up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright, so engagement is the next step.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So now after, after maybe lots of dating, like getting to know yourself and make friends and know what it looks like to be friends.
Caesar Kalinowski:And now you've made friends with a, that like you're deep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we, we always tell people, like in my mayor, premarital cons like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Please be marrying your best friend.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:If they're not there yet, then you d don't need to be getting you move into courtship or engagement.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like become friends.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, become friends.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then there's all that goes into being good friends.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, let's say you've been doing that and now through courtship you've had those kind of conversations and you're starting to feel there is reciprocal, like emotional attachment.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Starting to form maybe some romantic, you know, ideas and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you can see this person as maybe that case.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Engagement is an event.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:You get engaged, you know where a cocom commitment to move toward marriage is entered into.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Notice court ship's not any kind of commitment yet, is it?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, not at all.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:But this is where people are like, we dated and we're engaged and then boom.
Caesar Kalinowski:Huge blow ups.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they're like, we, but we booked the hall and you know, I got the ring already all, you know, millions of people.
Caesar Kalinowski:And all the diamond, you know, all the diamond stores or whatever rings or jewelry stores.
Caesar Kalinowski:I was like, don't, don't say that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:We wanna sell those rings that end up in drawers or thrown in a river, like, and so engagements to this event where a cocom commitment towards moving towards mar marriage is entered into.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then you enter a time of preparation for marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what engagement's all about.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, but so, so often the only thing prepared for during the engagement period is like wedding planning.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:It's interesting.
Heath Hollensbe:That's the question about just asked you is that as you're preparing to enter into marriage, it's not just the physical side of it, of booking the hall and getting the ring and ordering the flowers, but it's also entering marriage counsel engagement, counseling, engage.
Heath Hollensbe:We
Caesar Kalinowski:recorded and we think, we think now.
Caesar Kalinowski:That marriage could be in our future.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I've asked this person, would you marry me yet now we're gonna prepare to be married.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Including having a wedding.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, you know, in the communities that I've helped lead Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:At this point we, we kind of say, Hey, part of what's going on in engagement, and maybe even pre-engagement, but it's kind of rolled in there, is don't set dates yet.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's a lot of work to do that will help determine when you'll be prepared to enter into a marriage.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So don't go like, oh my gosh, we had three dates and then it's like, bang, and we're engaged and the wedding date was set on the engagement date.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's get married next May.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:How could you possibly know all that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Huh?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's being just driven by emotions and heart and it's not wise.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, can it work out sometimes?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Every, there's people listening right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like my parents went on two dates.
Caesar Kalinowski:They eloped, they've been married for 85 years.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, you know Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Praise God for, you know.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:But that's not, wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, that's not the goal.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, so like I said, too, too often the only thing going on during the engagement period is planning for the wedding.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, now lemme give you a little advice here.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, things that can and would be important to prepare for.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Would, would be.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, things like how about this, um, your marriage expectations?
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And maybe some of this is, some of these things I'm about to share might have come up during courtship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, but I'll tell you what, having done a lot of pre-marriage counseling.
Caesar Kalinowski:Almost none of what I'm about to share gets talked about before They sit down with me in the date set.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm like, oh, wait.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoa, Nelly.
Caesar Kalinowski:So how about marriage expectations?
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Who do you think will work?
Caesar Kalinowski:What do you think it's gonna be like?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, that's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, how often do you wanna have sex?
Caesar Kalinowski:What's that gonna be all about?
Caesar Kalinowski:Who's gonna take the lead in that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, how often is enough?
Caesar Kalinowski:Not, you know, important question and that'll change, but, okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:How about personality issues?
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's nobody, I don't care how in love you are, unless you're just too immature to be married, you're gonna know a few things about a person.
Caesar Kalinowski:You go that part of their personality.
Caesar Kalinowski:It kinda bugs me.
Caesar Kalinowski:It might bug me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:God uses those things that bug us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:To show us where we're not like Jesus yet, but, but let's talk about 'em.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:What's the thing behind the thing?
Caesar Kalinowski:What's the Gospel and belief?
Caesar Kalinowski:Why does that bug me about her?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why does that bug him?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know her by him, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Working through some of that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, communication issues.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whew.
Caesar Kalinowski:Massive.
Caesar Kalinowski:Massive.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Couldn't spend more, there's not enough time to spend on that pre-marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, how are you gonna resolve conflict?
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause it's coming.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Do you have tools?
Caesar Kalinowski:Do you have skills?
Caesar Kalinowski:Have you had a good conflict yet?
Caesar Kalinowski:How did it resolve?
Caesar Kalinowski:What did you learn from it?
Caesar Kalinowski:Did you discuss it with anybody?
Caesar Kalinowski:Older, wiser,
Heath Hollensbe:sure.
Heath Hollensbe:Finances?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:All kinds of things.
Heath Hollensbe:I can't
Caesar Kalinowski:believe how many people I talked to, you know, on their way to getting ready to get married and we're counseling 'em, getting 'em ready.
Caesar Kalinowski:Their parents never opened up a budget, never showed 'em any of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:They don't know if they had one.
Caesar Kalinowski:They never talked about it.
Heath Hollensbe:Huh?
Caesar Kalinowski:Then we're like, how do you guys plan to manage it?
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't know.
Caesar Kalinowski:We both work.
Caesar Kalinowski:I have a bank account.
Caesar Kalinowski:He does.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think, um, he'll probably pay the rent or the mortgage and I'll probably pick up food and, and I don't know what we're gonna do for.
Caesar Kalinowski:Good luck.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're one flesh, like, what's going on?
Caesar Kalinowski:We gotta work out.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's talk about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's one person, one flesh, one family, one buzzer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Talk about that, um, leisure activities.
Caesar Kalinowski:What do you like spending time doing?
Caesar Kalinowski:Do you like doing everything together?
Caesar Kalinowski:Probably not actually healthy to do some things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not sure how much time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like what if like someone is like, okay, I really don't see him during football season.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause he's between all the games and fantasy leagues and his buddies.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm, do you know that in advance?
Caesar Kalinowski:Have you discussed it?
Caesar Kalinowski:Are you thinking it'll just go away?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, you know, it's time to enter into this, uh, uh, child and parenting, uh, family and friends.
Caesar Kalinowski:How much time do you plan to spend with your family?
Caesar Kalinowski:How important is family to you?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, do you want your family involved in your parenting when that day comes?
Caesar Kalinowski:Hopefully, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, what about your role relationships?
Caesar Kalinowski:Is it just like this?
Caesar Kalinowski:50 50 thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, here's my experience.
Caesar Kalinowski:50 50 don't work.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a hundred.
Caesar Kalinowski:A hundred.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:50 50 says Well, you keep your half.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll keep my half promise.
Caesar Kalinowski:I draw the line of half.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Way different.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So this isn't all in on, on both sides.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then I'm gonna, I saved this one for last, but how about spiritual beliefs beyond just like you believe in God?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, I do.
Caesar Kalinowski:You Christian?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, I sure do.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:Unless you met at church.
Caesar Kalinowski:But even if you meet at church, ah, don't assume.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maturity.
Caesar Kalinowski:The ability.
Caesar Kalinowski:To be led.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then also be, have that person lead you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:All that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Those are the types of things that engagement is for.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you get to plan out a cool party, you know, and all that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I love that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now like I said, while these topics, they may have been discussed in, in part while court, you know, courting engagement's, a time when these important issues they get worked on.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they get discussed in depth and hopefully.
Caesar Kalinowski:Along with your parents and or otherwise, you know, counselors in your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's one too.
Caesar Kalinowski:This was really big in Team K. How do your siblings and other family members relate and communicate with this person and vice versa?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, like I'm bringing 'em into the family, man, you know, my kids have all said, unless my brother and sister sign off.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Done deal.
Caesar Kalinowski:So as soon as they're starting to even court.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not at dating level, but as soon as it's courtship, like, hey, we might be thinking about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Could be.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a big deal.
Caesar Kalinowski:How's it work out for the family?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a big deal and I, I don't wanna say too much more because I'll be giving away stuff and my kids will listen to this and be upset, but I, I have, uh, there are people that are no longer on the radar for the two that are married because they were nix Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:My daughter.
Caesar Kalinowski:Who was married to Daniel.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Would you know, and they were very certain they were getting married and we felt like, oh my gosh.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's the guy we've been praying since she was a baby before.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:But my son, her older brother, who's like her best friend Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Was deployed in the military at the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:She said, we will not get engaged.
Caesar Kalinowski:Until he returns from the military and Caesar and Daniel have had time enough to hang out and if my brother gives his, you know, vote of approval and I think, and hope he will, um, then we'll get engaged and they did it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it was months and months of waiting for him to come back from war.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So she can get engaged.
Caesar Kalinowski:And get into counseling issues and all, you know, all this stuff, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Beautiful though, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:How beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Story checks and balances.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay, so, , here's a question for you.
Heath Hollensbe:It's a little bit, it's a, it's moving in a different topic slightly, but, , one thing that I hear quite a bit from my friends and, and I remember hearing this even growing up before I got married, was, uh, this concept of like thinking it might be a good idea to try out sex, make sure you're compatible that part of your marriage before you get married.
Heath Hollensbe:What would you say to folks?
Heath Hollensbe:They gotta kick the tires in a car before you buy.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:You drink for a test drive.
Heath Hollensbe:I know.
Heath Hollensbe:It's that stuff that I've heard constantly, right?
Heath Hollensbe:It's so bad.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, it's so bad.
Heath Hollensbe:What would you say to folks, uh, that may feel like once they're engaged, that, that this is a time to enter into that, to test it out before you actually put a ring on it?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well that's, that's so anti the gospel and anti what scripture teaches.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because there's no faith then in God, and it's, it's, it's really a jumping of these processes because if, if there actually is a logical patient trusting in the Lord, moving from dating to courtship, to engagement to marriage, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, that part of your relationship, which is an important part of intimacy Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sex, um, is, is one of many that will get addressed.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if.
Caesar Kalinowski:You are a couple that has waited till marriage to have sex, then you both don't know anything anyway, so you have nothing to base.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you've, not, if, if this is a second marriage or if you have in the past, in your life, you know, had sex and all.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And now you're in a relationship.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you're Christians, I, I'm gonna encourage you that sex should not be a part of your relationship as Christians pre-marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, so I'm just gonna say that straight up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it part, and here's, here's the reason.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause the marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're heading right into marriage is that, you know, coming out of engagement four point.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, is um, is a picture of the Gospel and it's two people committed in Covenant and submitted to one another.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:That best display what God's really like.
Caesar Kalinowski:God exists in community Trinitarian and Father Sin and Holy Spirit Live exists in this beautiful, we can't barely understand it or, you know, explain it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Submission to one another that together.
Caesar Kalinowski:God, father, son, and spirit, and we are creating this image and in marriage two coming together, laying down preferences, laying down their life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Male and female.
Caesar Kalinowski:Unique differences, but made in God's image.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:All of that's what it's about.
Caesar Kalinowski:So to jump the shark and say, well gotta kick the tires in that you're saying God doesn't know who's best for me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:God can't teach us how to, to care for one another in intimacy and in sexual relationship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, so we'll take that all into our own hands.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's just, it, it's not biblical and it just creates a ton of problems.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And maybe someday we'll do a whole episode on the challenges that you'll face and then, you know, for going there.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, yeah, let's talk about marriage a little bit.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause I know we're, we're running long here, so this isn't, I'm not gonna do a thing on marriage because that's a whole Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:But hopefully people are seeing how all these steps naturally lead and provide God plenty of time and room to move in our hearts and others to now marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's just say this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Marriage is a covenant.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and actually publicly entered into before God and community.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what happened in scripture.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's, and God, God created it by the way he made it up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:So marriage I think is the most intimate of all human relationships, and in fact, like it says in Genesis two.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, around 23 or so, um, the, the man and the woman actually become one flesh in this union.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:What a mystery.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, but just like God is one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, I and I, and.
Caesar Kalinowski:As you know, and I think God, like I said, created marriage for humanity and as first described in Genesis, and then later on, affirmed by Jesus marriage is God ordained and it's covenantal between God man and that woman.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pretty important.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pretty amazingly important.
Caesar Kalinowski:You would not enter into something like that lifelong.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:By going, like, we had a few dates and like we, we agree on everything.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we set a date, like, whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You just, it doesn't work.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, and we're talking to parents today, so like, please help your kids know, like, you, you, you, you know, God's got this.
Caesar Kalinowski:He already knows who you're gonna marry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, so I've already said this before, but marriage is a picture of the gospel, two image bearers, unique man and woman coming together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Submitting to one another, laying their life down, coming with unique gifts and perspectives and talent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, that's beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now a caveat here, while you know many commentators and politicians and even judges may revise their understanding of marriage recently, uh, in response to shifting, you know, trends and societal views and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I wanna say that believers, followers of Jesus should embrace his vision of marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, he lays out in Matthew 19.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:He goes, haven't you read?
Caesar Kalinowski:Jesus says that at the beginning, the Creator made them male and female.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're no longer two, but one flesh.
Caesar Kalinowski:Therefore, God, what God has joined together?
Caesar Kalinowski:Let no one separate.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, you know, maybe some listeners don't like this idea or whatever marriage is between a man and a woman.
Caesar Kalinowski:There might be civil unions, there might be people choosing to live together, care for each other, you know, all that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not marriage in God's eyes and to call it that, it's just like me deciding I wanna call my couch.
Caesar Kalinowski:A bicycle.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's just, it's not, I mean, I could say it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can get a law to pass it.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not the same thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Marriage is ordained by God between a man and a woman to display what he's like in glory and in union and to procreate, to create what?
Caesar Kalinowski:More image bears be fruitful and multiply.
Caesar Kalinowski:So,
Heath Hollensbe:alright, so let's jump to the big three.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, you can get this for free and, and the big three is always the three takeaways.
Heath Hollensbe:We'd love for you to kind of remember from this episode.
Heath Hollensbe:There's nothing else.
Heath Hollensbe:Get these and maybe get started with this.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, so you can get those for free by going to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, Caesar, what are the big three for
Caesar Kalinowski:this week?
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, so that's the download information for these.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm about to hand you here.
Caesar Kalinowski:So first one, God's timing in your life is perfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, if you're listening to this for yourself or you're listening to this to help your kids, just help them remember that his timing is perfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you may wanna, you know, you may wish it was different, you know, like, I wanna be married now, or I've been waiting a long time, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:But God is preparing you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Your heart or your kids for marriage someday.
Caesar Kalinowski:If that's his will, if he's ordained it, then you can't, you can't, you know, shunt God's will, sure his will will be accomplished.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, if it is his will, you can't mess it up.
Caesar Kalinowski:But if it's not his will for you to be married to that person.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, particular person, you really don't want to be in that relationship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, I remember telling my kids that it's like, honey, you can wait and take your time.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause if it's the person Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That God has for you forever, they'll be there.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're gonna be there, or they're gonna come back around.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And God's work done working on their heart or yours.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:But if they're not, oh, you don't want it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:You don't want it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So there's no need to rush or skip steps.
Caesar Kalinowski:Try to, you know, go from dating, boom gauged, you know.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, starting to dating you look like you're married, eh, you know, trust God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Trust.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's a good father.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second, like I said already, but I want to underscore biblical marriage is a beautiful picture of the gospel and God and what he's like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And he's given us marriage as a gift and it's a huge blessing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:But his desire has always been.
Caesar Kalinowski:To show what he is like in the world through marriage and magnify his image and glory, not ours.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Asking God to give you his heart and mind on this as you prepare, prepare for marriage someday will help ensure that, you know, false hopes and unrealistic expectations about marriage aren't, aren't brought into that relationship and just weighted down.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Trust him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ask him for his heart.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, why does marriage exist?
Caesar Kalinowski:Why do we even have kids?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then third, pray for your kid's future spouse.
Caesar Kalinowski:Help them to identify the type of person and qualities that they want in a husband or wife and I, it's, I think it's a good idea to write those things down.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And pray about them asking God to prepare your heart, you know, or prepare your kid's heart for a marriage that'll be beautiful and it'll last and it'll be this lifelong picture of God's grace and love and acceptance to others.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's okay to know that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is super important.
Heath Hollensbe:Absolutely, man.
Heath Hollensbe:Hey, thank you for those big three.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay.
Heath Hollensbe:And as we say, you can always get those by going to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Heath Hollensbe:And one of the other things that you referenced early on in the show, and I wanna just remind listeners, if you wanna jump back to the last episode, that's kind of the five things you need to know in, um, daddy daughter dates.
Heath Hollensbe:So we talked about the importance of dating your children, and so episode one 17, if you haven't heard it, is a great one to reference back
Caesar Kalinowski:to.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's, and it's super prepped for all of this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:When they're younger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, so jump back to that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know I invite you into this often.
Caesar Kalinowski:I wanna do it again.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you're interested in learning a full framework for discipleship or getting into some coaching where you get to be taught gospel fluency, grow in that ability, have someone walk through that with you, help you with all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just check out the coaching that we offer.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you go over to everyday Disciple dot com slash coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:Everyday Disciple dot com slash coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's a bunch more information.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's a little form you can fill out there.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're not committing to anything, but that form will say, Hey, I have some questions.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm interested, and we'll set up a time to hop on a Zoom call and talk about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'd love to do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:See if we can get you into some coaching.
Heath Hollensbe:As we mentioned, we're on Facebook.
Heath Hollensbe:The group is growing there.
Heath Hollensbe:All you gotta do is go to the search bar up at the top of Facebook and type in Everyday Disciple Podcast.
Heath Hollensbe:Ask to join the group and, uh, Caesar or I will approve you to the group, and we have conversations there every week.
Heath Hollensbe:That's a great time for you to ask questions, engage the dialogue, even if you disagree with something that is being said on the show, like.
Heath Hollensbe:That's where we get to enter into some of that deeper conversation.
Heath Hollensbe:Thanks for joining us today.
Heath Hollensbe:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember, you really can live with a spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.