The Journey to True Patience
Patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit… but let’s be honest, it doesn’t come naturally to most of us. Would the people closest to you describe you as a patient person? Probably not. And the reasons why might go deeper than you think.
This week on the Everyday Disciple Podcast, we’re talking about the spiritual roots of impatience—what’s really behind it—and how the gospel gives us a new way to respond. We’ll explore how being impatient often stems from trying to control life, fix ourselves, and rush God’s timing.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
- The roots of selfishness and false sovereignty that fuel our impatience.
- Why impatience with ourselves is often tied to deeper feelings of disappointment.
- How the gospel brings freedom and hope to our desire for control and perfection.
- A 15-minute reflection exercise to help uncover and replace false beliefs with truth.
From this episode:
“But, even though we think highly of ourselves, we are also, often, secretly very disappointed with ourselves. We think we need to prove ourselves, earn everything that we want and earn everyone’s approval, including God’s. I need to get busy fixing myself and creating my perfect life now… and that makes me an impatient person.”
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below.
Also, please leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.
Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Coaching and Mentorship in Missional Living by Caesar and his wife Tina
Resources for missional living and group training – Missio Publishing
Transcript
I mean, I think that God can work on our patience 'cause it's his fruit of the spirit.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's his spirit in us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we can, we can manifest and be more patient and gift patience with others and with ourselves.
Caesar Kalinowski:But I don't think really, if we don't believe God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't, we don't think he's great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:We don't trust him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then I, then I think that we have to be God.
Heath Hollensbe:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then I'm a bad God.
Caesar Kalinowski:I suck at being terrible God.
Caesar Kalinowski:So then back to, I'm gonna be impatient with myself.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that always leaks out on everybody else.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it kind of does kind of flow up the hill if you're not impatient with others.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a good chance.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's 'cause you, you, you're not impatient with yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if you're not patient with yourself, it's 'cause you're trying to be your own God and you don't believe God is good and he's great and and gracious in your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:So kind of, you talk about a three-legged stool there or like a tripod.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's kind of all three.
Caesar Kalinowski:But clearly the strongest one is do you believe the gospel?
Caesar Kalinowski:Do you believe what's true about God?
Caesar Kalinowski:And what he says is true of you.
Heath Hollensbe:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Heath Hollensbe:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Heath Hollensbe:This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Heath Hollensbe:And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Heath Hollensbe:Hey, Heath.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay.
Heath Hollensbe:Let's jump straight into a topic that you actually suggested a while back, and we're actually just getting around to it, but I'm excited to see where this conversation goes because one of the things that you suggested was the importance of growing in spiritual patience, not just in being patient with others, but in how it relates to ourselves and actually how it relates to God.
Heath Hollensbe:Do you wanna explain a little bit more of what you were thinking when you
Caesar Kalinowski:texted me this?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, as we were talking about like doing an episode in patience and why.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why I wanted to call it like spiritual patience kind of term, you know, coin that term there is, because I think our three greatest relational connections.
Caesar Kalinowski:Are with God and with others and actually to ourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and I ultimately, I want to talk about 'em in reverse order.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:But let, so to kind of get to why it's spiritual patience and all, let me start by defining what impatience is.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I mean, I think.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe it's not necessary, but I'm gonna do it according to dictionary.com.
Caesar Kalinowski:Impatience means a lack of patience.
Caesar Kalinowski:Duh.
Caesar Kalinowski:There it is.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, thanks for tuning in.
Caesar Kalinowski:See you next week on the Life.
Caesar Kalinowski:See you next week.
Caesar Kalinowski:No it, it actually says that though, impatience means a lack of patience and restlessness, and here's where it starts to get good and intolerance of anything that thwarts delays or hinders.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ooh, that's, that's starting to convict.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And intolerance of forts delays or hinders who, uh, me, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now we start thinking about sovereignty and whose world it is.
Caesar Kalinowski:I. And like, do you, like, do you wanna just develop patience?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like what does that mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like stop it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Try harder, slow down.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't speak for X amount of time before you blow up on somebody.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, but spiritual patience would say, wait a minute, is there a Gospel connection to all this?
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, is there some deeper truth?
Caesar Kalinowski:The thing behind the thing that we can get there?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So back to our definition of impatient.
Caesar Kalinowski:An impatient person.
Caesar Kalinowski:Is someone who has a hard time waiting for others.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that's still all about me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or does so with real great reluctance.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, you just, you, you know, we've been that way.
Caesar Kalinowski:We've all been in, we're all guilty, but we also see it in others and it never is like, I wanna be more like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:An impatient person feels anxious or upset when things don not go according to their hope for plan.
Caesar Kalinowski:And an inpatient person usually feels a great sense of urgency to sort of get things over with and to move on to the next thing, the next task, the next place or whatever they're doing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So he or she usually has a low regard or interest in what's going on now in this moment.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause they're already thinking about what they have to do next or what they want you to do next, or what you should get to next.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if you, if you notice there, what's the common thing there is?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a pretty big me focus.
Caesar Kalinowski:Connected to
Heath Hollensbe:impatience.
Heath Hollensbe:Wow.
Heath Hollensbe:Man, you, even as you're talking, I'm thinking about how many times I've.
Heath Hollensbe:Addressed, or I've, I've cloaked this heart issue with something else.
Heath Hollensbe:Like, oh, I'm just a planner.
Heath Hollensbe:Like, well, maybe something deeper is going on.
Heath Hollensbe:Well, we
Caesar Kalinowski:agreed to.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, yeah, it's a me focus, man.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:If I'm not, if no one's in control, then I gotta step up.
Heath Hollensbe:Right?
Heath Hollensbe:And it's like, eh, maybe we're hitting on some patience issues.
Heath Hollensbe:It doesn't seem like we're doing a really good job yielding the fruits of the spirit and Galatians five when we're so.
Heath Hollensbe:Me focused, right?
Heath Hollensbe:Not so much.
Heath Hollensbe:But it's not just the fruit of patience here either.
Heath Hollensbe:It, it seems like,
Caesar Kalinowski:yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's, let's take a look at that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Good call.
Caesar Kalinowski:Galatians five.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, you're referring to verse 22.
Caesar Kalinowski:It says, but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sometimes the word is forbearance is used, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, a couple things here.
Caesar Kalinowski:None of that's me focused.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's all outward and it's, it doesn't say fruits.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, it's a collective.
Caesar Kalinowski:The fruit of the spirit.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, this is what the spirit's like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, let's just look at, let's just look at some of those.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like.
Caesar Kalinowski:If, if you love, uh, someone, sure, I truly love someone.
Caesar Kalinowski:Are you impatient with 'em?
Caesar Kalinowski:Are you tapping your toe?
Caesar Kalinowski:Are you trying to force 'em into your mold, agenda, whatever?
Caesar Kalinowski:No.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, if you are at peace, like if you really believe God is great, so I don't have to be in control, then you can have peace and you can, you can.
Caesar Kalinowski:Be gentle with other people.
Caesar Kalinowski:You, you see what I'm saying?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So just looking at all of it, even though patience or forbearance, depending on your translation is in that list, that whole thing is all about the heart and about a outward focus.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:An outward for focus.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now it's easy to say, well, I, I need to work harder at that.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, but if you have the Holy Spirit, if you're in Christ, then you are united.
Caesar Kalinowski:With the Trinity, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it's like is I am in you and you are me now you are one.
Caesar Kalinowski:We are one and, and he's one with the father and the spirit.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're, we're united with this.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is now true of us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Are we yielding to it?
Caesar Kalinowski:Do we believe it's true of us, or, this is back to why I call it spiritual patience.
Caesar Kalinowski:Spa patience is do we actually think we are God and everything should fall in line with us Most of the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think that's what's actually going on.
Caesar Kalinowski:That might be the big.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thing behind the thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:I've never seen it as the fruit of the spirit as a, a singular fruit, like you just unpack.
Heath Hollensbe:That's that's really
Caesar Kalinowski:helpful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and some, some might take me to task on that, but like I, it helps me to see it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna work really hard at this, but listen, if I'm loving, then I'm gonna be full of joy and I'm gonna have, if I truly love someone and I realize I'm not God, I suck at being God, but there is God and he's great and he's good, and I'll then, then I'll have joy and I'll have patience for them, and I'll be faithful to let.
Caesar Kalinowski:God do what he's doing in their life for their sake.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so it, it does kinda all come together in this beautiful picture of what God is like and it says, it's now true of us.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's, that's the spirit's
Heath Hollensbe:fruit.
Heath Hollensbe:Let's dive in a little bit deeper here too.
Heath Hollensbe:Like as we, as we begin to dig, how would you connect what you're saying right now to, uh, this concept of having spiritual patience with others?
Heath Hollensbe:Not just not being more patient in general.
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not right.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not just trying to, hey, try to be a little more patient, but like, let's look at it from a, with others standpoint.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think there's a, there's a gospel focus here and when we say discipleship is having, you know, helping people move from unbelief to belief.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And glorifying God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, so these are the fruits of him, the spirit.
Caesar Kalinowski:So what are people seeing and believing about what God is like when we're anxious or pushy or self-focused.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's good, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, so that's just first off like our, our role in life.
Caesar Kalinowski:We get to bear the image of God and help people move from unbelief of what's true of him and true of them.
Caesar Kalinowski:To belief.
Caesar Kalinowski:So what are they seeing when we're acting all crazy like that and we're we're completely me focused.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're gonna think that's what God's like, or that's what
Heath Hollensbe:Christians are like, or you know, or you probably just reaffirm like some of the past thoughts I already had
Caesar Kalinowski:about God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Negative thoughts.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, as we hear it all the time, like I would never be a Christian 'cause all Hi Christians are hypocrites.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Kind of true.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Kind of true 'cause we're looking at these fruits of the spirit.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and you can read further on Galatians five, it says, what, what the fruit of the flesh looks like.
Caesar Kalinowski:So when you, when you think you're God Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you wanna live a court, everybody living through now one of the four Gs.
Caesar Kalinowski:We've talked on the four Gs before.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe you can give us a little reminder of what episode number that is.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, we actually did talk about that back on episode number 1 31.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, and the title of that was What causes sin and how to stop it when we go through all
Caesar Kalinowski:The Four Gs.
Caesar Kalinowski:But the first one is God is, or it's not the first one.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's really no order to 'em, but it's the third one.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I don't have to look elsewhere for my satisfaction.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:So when I'm not being patient with people, I'm, I'm trying to manage my world and I'm not believing God's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm, I'd be gooder right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:I would get this done and this would happen and this would happen quicker, and I wouldn't be waiting for the raise at work, or my wife would be quicker to do this, or my kids would just not, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So you're a better God.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm a better God, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Really.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, that's, that's part of what came to mind when I'm thinking, well, I'm not being patient with people.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not believing God's good, actually, I'm gooder.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I could find better satisfaction if I ruled the world and maybe, maybe the, the first of the four G's God is great.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, we say God is great, so I don't have to be in control.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not believing he's great, so I'm gonna control everything.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because the world will run a little better if I ran it, if I did it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if everybody just got in line with what I wanted, and I've said it before on the show, I find in my own life, Keith, I only get upset.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or kind of ticked or whatever, when things aren't going exactly the way I want.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But when they're going exactly the way I want, I'm in a pretty good mood.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm pretty, pretty nice guy.
Heath Hollensbe:Oh my goodness.
Heath Hollensbe:Well, let's talk a little bit about the, uh, the importance of being patient with ourselves now.
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:I know at times I'm probably the least patient and hardest on myself.
Heath Hollensbe:You've seen that in me as well, and others have called that out on me, so, so speak a little bit to my heart here, maybe selfishly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's true and it's not just you Heath, but I think, you know, depending on who we are and some of our upbringing and some of our unbelief that's still there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:We can be absolutely hardest on ourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, oddly enough, that, that, that comes out sometimes in not being patient with others.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well really 'cause we're upset with ourselves.
Caesar Kalinowski:So seemingly contrary to the me focus of being impatient with others, not being patient with myself is actually the same problem.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just redirected at me.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Again, it's all about me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, why aren't I changing?
Caesar Kalinowski:Why can't I do this?
Caesar Kalinowski:Why aren't I taller, thinner, smarter, and more handsome, more patient, you know, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's, it's just the me focus, but redirected back at me.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it's still all about me.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and if we think very highly of ourselves, and by the way we all do.
Heath Hollensbe:Mm-hmm.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um.
Caesar Kalinowski:We are always striving for more for what's next.
Caesar Kalinowski:Striving to get everything and everyone to go along with my self sovereignty and self-improvement plans for my life.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then I don't wanna pointing out any of that, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Because I'm already beating myself in up.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if they do, I'll go like, well, who are you to judge?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:But even though we think highly of ourselves.
Caesar Kalinowski:We are also often secretly very disappointed with ourselves.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:We think we need to prove ourselves, earn everything that we want, and earn everything.
Caesar Kalinowski:Everyone else's approval, including God's.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I need to get busy fixing myself and creating my perfect life now, and we feel that we have to get somewhere next and get to or achieve the next thing in life.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then, okay, then when that happens, when I finally get there, make that much money, or this happens, or I lose the next 10 pounds, or, you know, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:We'll be happy.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll be happy.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then I'll consider myself good enough.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or lovable enough or valuable or et cetera, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, so I'm always in a hurry to get to the next whatever the next me.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And what I'm finding out in life is that once you get to that thing, there's, it's just a downward spiral.
Heath Hollensbe:'cause there's always the next thing, right?
Heath Hollensbe:You lose the 10 pounds.
Heath Hollensbe:Like, well now if I can only do this, it's just a never, unless you find your comfort in what?
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:God says about you, you'll never find it.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Unhappiness and impatience with myself is then projected as impatience with others and with God as well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause, 'cause it can't be me really.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But it is.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so you see how this, that's a toxic cycle.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh man, it's, it sure is.
Heath Hollensbe:It sure is, man.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:I, I do notice that a lot in my life.
Heath Hollensbe:And even as you're talking, I'm thinking, you know, some of the things that my wife will call me out on, or even my kids are now starting to see is, um.
Heath Hollensbe:My lack of patience towards them is a frustration, an internal frustration with myself or the approval thing.
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:We've talked about this before.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Like I gotta, I gotta figure out how to get God's approval constantly.
Heath Hollensbe:And so,
Caesar Kalinowski:or you're really trying to prove yourself to heath.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Much of us not believing that God is gracious.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's another one of the four Gs.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I'm Is, is, is that we, we try to prove ourselves to my, to ourselves, to others, and to God.
Caesar Kalinowski:But you know, the good news of the gospel reminds us that God is gracious.
Caesar Kalinowski:We already have his full love.
Caesar Kalinowski:I was gonna say to you, brother, yeah, you have his full love.
Caesar Kalinowski:You don't need to do another thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Earn another dollar, drop another pound.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Shine the shoes better.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know nothing to earn his full love and generosity and care and protection, acceptance.
Caesar Kalinowski:You have it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:God is patient and kind with us and we can trust him in our life and with everything that he's doing to conform us into the image of his son in his own time.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:What is that man?
Heath Hollensbe:When I think as you're talking, I was thinking about something we talked about.
Heath Hollensbe:Do you believe
Caesar Kalinowski:that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or is God just tapping his foot waiting for, you know, Caesar to get his be together?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, no,
Heath Hollensbe:I, I desire to believe that and, and it is a retraining of my mind and my heart.
Heath Hollensbe:'cause I, it's like Adam and Eve, we've talked about this cigars in theology.
Heath Hollensbe:It was like.
Heath Hollensbe:I don't even believe that God was withholding, like, you're not good.
Heath Hollensbe:You're right.
Heath Hollensbe:You're holding something from me.
Heath Hollensbe:It's knowledge, it's this or that.
Heath Hollensbe:And I feel the same way.
Heath Hollensbe:I, I
Caesar Kalinowski:would be gooder, I could manage the knowledge good and evil better.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:So like, here we go.
Caesar Kalinowski:First bite.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:I,
Caesar Kalinowski:I find myself, it'll kill you.
Heath Hollensbe:Oh, did, does man surely die?
Heath Hollensbe:You know?
Heath Hollensbe:Oh.
Heath Hollensbe:So how does this, how does this translate into us having patience with God?
Heath Hollensbe:Like, I know this is connected.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, I know that our frustration with ourself often expound to other people.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, why don't we have patience with God?
Heath Hollensbe:What, how do we remedy that?
Heath Hollensbe:Uh,
Caesar Kalinowski:well, like I said, and, and I'm not by nature or my past history, a very patient person, I, I just have to say that.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause like my family's listen.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, me neither.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and, and where this is grossest in my life is with my impatience with God.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'll tell you what it looks like is no patience in prayer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's my to-do list, and I'd like all of that now.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Think about Abram and Sarah, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, Abram and Sarah, they, God promises a baby.
Caesar Kalinowski:In fact a whole nation like crazy offspring.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they were waiting and they're waiting and waiting and it's like, and God's watching their faithfulness and watching their trust and they're like, I'll tell you what we'll do, Abram, uh, you'll just sleep with my slave girl and we'll have a baby that way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know the birth that, the birth of Islam?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, it was, you know, so, um, here's, here's another gross weight comes out.
Caesar Kalinowski:No patience in what God is doing in the lives of others that I'm discipling or parenting or training.
Caesar Kalinowski:And this is a double whammy.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, on God and his people.
Caesar Kalinowski:Really?
Caesar Kalinowski:That one?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But I'm not like, uh, you know, God, I'm doing all the right stuff here.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why are these people just not getting it?
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or like, you know how many times I've sat down and explained that so gently, so patiently to my son or my daughter, and they're still the same way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or my wife.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and really I'm, I'm, what I'm exhibiting is I'm not patient with God and his sovereignty over their lives.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like we think I can change them.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can't change myself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not patient with me.
Caesar Kalinowski:What?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, oh man, this is so convicting right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sorry.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's another one.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not patient with God's revelation of himself and what he's really doing in my life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like what exactly are the plans you have for me?
Caesar Kalinowski:Lord, I'm not patient with that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, so what I'm, what I'm content to do is.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sort of cloudy, sort of murky, have super high expectations and goals, and then kinda be ticked at God's not somehow stepping up and they're happening.
Heath Hollensbe:Well, I think we see this a lot too, in, in the way the church evangelizes, right?
Heath Hollensbe:It's like, no, we have a goal.
Heath Hollensbe:We gotta get people saved.
Heath Hollensbe:We gotta do this rather than like actually walking and getting to know people.
Heath Hollensbe:We have agendas.
Caesar Kalinowski:Who is God, right?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, and I think to some patience with God stems ultimately from believing a lie that God's not that good.
Caesar Kalinowski:He, he's pretty good.
Caesar Kalinowski:But like you were saying, you know back to Adam and Eve.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:But we kind of know better.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I do a lot of this stuff quicker, sooner, better, God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, you're good, but I'd be gooder.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, but the truth is that God only does what is good and right and perfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:And being patient with God starts with believing that, hmm God, I don't understand your timing, but you only do what's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:So now my expectation flips to.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can wait to see what you're concocting and what you're doing in my heart, you know, and I think about people who they're not patient with God for a spouse.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, and they're like, do you believe that God loves you and he's good and he's preparing you and your heart and whoever that spouse is, if he hasn't for you, so that when you come together in this marriage that's primarily for his glory and not yours, you will.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, can we be patient with God?
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and, and that's the thing behind the thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Do we really believe that God is good And he is.
Caesar Kalinowski:I just wanna Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Affirm that and remind everyone listening and you and me.
Caesar Kalinowski:He is good and I can trust him so I don't have to look elsewhere.
Caesar Kalinowski:For my satisfaction and try to like manufacture it and force it and all that and I can be patient with God.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's great, dude.
Heath Hollensbe:How, how much of this patience, like with God, with ourselves and with others, how much of it is that, like the tripod analogy?
Heath Hollensbe:Do we have to master the art of being patient with God and ourselves before we're able to be patient with one another or vice versa?
Heath Hollensbe:How does all that work?
Heath Hollensbe:Well, I
Caesar Kalinowski:kind of went in reverse for that reason.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, I think that God can work on our patience.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause it's his fruit of the spirit.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's his spirit in us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we can, we can manifest and be more patient and gift patience with others and with ourselves.
Caesar Kalinowski:But I don't think really, if we don't believe God is good, I don't, we don't think he's great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:We don't trust him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then I then I think that we have to be God.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then I'm a bad God.
Caesar Kalinowski:I suck at being God.
Caesar Kalinowski:So then back to, I'm gonna be impatient with myself.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that always leaks out on everybody else.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it kind of does kind of flow up the hill.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you're not impatient with others, it's a good chance.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's 'cause you, you're not impatient with yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if you're not patient with yourself, it's 'cause you're trying to be your own God and you don't believe God is good and he's great and gracious in your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:So kind of, you talk about a three-legged stool there or like a tripod.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's kind of all three.
Caesar Kalinowski:But clearly the strongest one is, do you believe the gospel?
Caesar Kalinowski:Do you believe what's true about God?
Caesar Kalinowski:And what he says is true of you.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's
Heath Hollensbe:the root of it.
Heath Hollensbe:And before we, we started recording here, you actually told me, uh, about this exercise that you had, like, it was a 15 minute exercise that helps uncover your impatience.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Would you mind sharing that?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:I won't take 15 minutes to
Caesar Kalinowski:explain it, but it might take.
Heath Hollensbe:15.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, let's do it on, let's do
Caesar Kalinowski:it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Lemme just go through it real quick and, and we will add this to the upcoming download of the big three for people who download the big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Every week.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, um, I'm gonna, I'll add it to it, so, great.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, but if you want to grab a piece of paper, uh, or fire up your laptop or your notes app or whatever, you can write these down.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's, there's five steps to this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:First one, think about recent times when you acted with impatience with others, with yourself or with God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, and then write those down as soon as they come to mind.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, don't overanalyze it yet.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just write.
Caesar Kalinowski:So think about once, what have I been impatient with, with others, with myself, with God?
Caesar Kalinowski:Just write down, spend like, you know, give yourself like a two, three minute, you know, timeline, whatever.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then ask yourself for each of those, why am I so impatient?
Caesar Kalinowski:What is producing this in my heart?
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe look at those four Gs again.
Caesar Kalinowski:Go, go look up that episode and learn those.
Caesar Kalinowski:Write down everything comes to mind.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, what am I being impatient about?
Caesar Kalinowski:Why?
Caesar Kalinowski:What's producing in my heart?
Caesar Kalinowski:What am I not believing?
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then go a little further and deeper into your answers by asking a second time what, whatever you just wrote go.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why?
Caesar Kalinowski:What am I not believing to be true about God in this and, and what am I believing that may not be true about this person or myself?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, so you're looking for belief things here?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So first just go, why am I so impatient?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know what's producing this?
Caesar Kalinowski:And then question your answers.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:With what am I not believing it might be true about this person or myself or God.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Fourth step is keep repeating step three until you get to the thing behind the thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:The real issue.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You gotta be honest with yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if this is serious, you will.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, now.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's, uh, it's time to repent, which means to change your mind about what is true and accept that God already knew all this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's fully forgiven you already, and you now ask the spirit to remind you of these truths.
Caesar Kalinowski:Next time you're in the same situation, or you face those same issues.
Heath Hollensbe:You know what's been good for me too is like, is to, like with my spouse, Kathleen, she'll, oftentimes she'll affirm the ways that she sees growth too, because that's a good like barometer of like, Hey, I am growing.
Heath Hollensbe:This isn't just me figuring this out on myself, but when you see that in somebody else and go, Hey, I just wanna let you know, man.
Heath Hollensbe:Beautiful.
Heath Hollensbe:Over the last year or so, I've just really noticed the way you respond to people's.
Heath Hollensbe:You're, you're, you're growing in grace and there's some patience that, and if you could connect the Gospel to it, like you really
Caesar Kalinowski:have moved from this belief to this now and that, and that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Shift is really, it's evident.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Beautiful.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay, so we're gonna give that, um, away as part of like an addition to the big three for this week.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And the big three.
Heath Hollensbe:If you've been busy and you can't write down the top three takeaways we want you to leave with, we'll give you the free download by going to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three and you'll get a beautiful printout.
Heath Hollensbe:Caesar, what are the big three for this week?
Caesar Kalinowski:Big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:First, the root of impatience stems from a love of self and being me focused.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't miss this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't miss these three things regularly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Reading through the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians five will help you to remind you of what's already true of you in Christ.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because you have the spirit dwelling in you.
Caesar Kalinowski:His fruit is your fruit.
Caesar Kalinowski:Remember, God is good.
Caesar Kalinowski:So you don't have to look elsewhere for your satisfaction.
Caesar Kalinowski:Rehearse those.
Caesar Kalinowski:Rehearse those, those fruits.
Caesar Kalinowski:Spirit in Galatians five.
Heath Hollensbe:Amen.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second, God knows you completely.
Caesar Kalinowski:He knows all your fears, your hopes, your experiences, and he's always patient with you.
Caesar Kalinowski:He knows where you strive and where you stress out, and he loves you just the same.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's at work all the time and he's able to perfectly handle everything and everyone in your life without your help.
Caesar Kalinowski:Really?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, he can do it all.
Caesar Kalinowski:He really can.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, but, and this is a huge one, God desires relationship with you above you achieving perfect performance or perfect patience.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:So the pressure's off.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, just back that up and hear that one again.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's so good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then the third one, this is where we get real practical.
Caesar Kalinowski:Find 15 minutes today to go through that exercise that we just outlined to help uncover your impatience and the false beliefs connected to each and I.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I just wanna say too, it's also a good idea to share your results with another loved one.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you gotta be a little vulnerable here, uh, like a spouse or close friend.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sibling that you can trust.
Caesar Kalinowski:I expect yours in writing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Triplicate sealed.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then review what you learn, you know, making it a part of your regular devotional time.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'd say for like, try it for 30 days or something like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:As you move from unbelief to belief in these matters, there's, there's, there's something real.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know about looking at that, rehearsing that, and then speaking what's really in fact true.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I think God will honor that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay,
Heath Hollensbe:so we're, again, we're gonna give you the big three by going to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three, and we're also gonna give you that exercise of how to uncover your impatience.
Heath Hollensbe:That'll be included as well.
Heath Hollensbe:Lots of freebies for you.
Heath Hollensbe:Thanks for joining us today.
Heath Hollensbe:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember.
Heath Hollensbe:You really can live with a spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.