7 Keys To Staying Unified In Marriage
Very few of us grew up in perfect homes with parents who modeled a flawless marriage. Real intimacy and unity in marriage takes intentionality, growth, and a lifelong commitment to love and bearing with one another.
On this episode of the Everyday Disciple Podcast, Caesar and his wife, Tina, share 7 “secrets” that have helped them stay connected and united through more than 36 years of marriage. You’ll definitely want to take notes!
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- Why your marriage may be the clearest picture of the gospel others will see
- What date nights can and can’t do for your relationship
- Why getting away without the kids is more important than you think
- 7 secrets that have helped us stay united for the long haul
From this episode:
“Don’t hide your marriage imperfections. Find a community of trusted believers that are on your team and are mature enough they’ll speak the truth in love to you when needed. Seek wise counseling when you are stuck or at an impasse. Don’t assume if you sweep issues and patterns under the rug long enough, they’ll go away. Bring them into the light!”
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
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Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Coaching with Caesar and Tina in discipleship and missional living.
Free Discipleship and Missional Resources
In light of today’s topic, you might find this helpful:
5 Steps To An Awesome Date Night With Your Spouse
Transcript
Don't hide your marriage imperfections.
Caesar Kalinowski:Find a community of trusted believers that are on your team, right, and they're mature enough that they'll speak the truth and love to you when it's needed.
Caesar Kalinowski:So trying to maintain a false front kind of quote unquote, of perfection will actually lead to disunity in your marriage 'cause.
Caesar Kalinowski:You realize you're both faking it all the time in front of everybody.
Caesar Kalinowski:So then you don't wanna be anywhere, you know, and it'll set others up for challenges and false expectations of their own, in their own marriages.
Caesar Kalinowski:So seek some, you know, wise counseling when you need it or when you're stuck.
Caesar Kalinowski:And don't assume that if you sweep issues and weird patterns under the rug.
Caesar Kalinowski:Long enough that they'll just go away, bring 'em out into the light.
Heath Hollensbe:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Heath Hollensbe:In other words.
Heath Hollensbe:Discipleship as a lifestyle.
Heath Hollensbe:This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Heath Hollensbe:And now here's your host, Cesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski:I am here with you, my brother, but I also have, uh, your sister Tina, my wife Tina with us today.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's Gonnas, a little guest.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Glad to have you on this thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's been a while.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:It's great to be back.
Caesar Kalinowski:Tina's a, I think, perennial favorite when we have her on the show.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Before we dive in too much, brother, didn't you just get back from a little, you had a little vacation, sort of a working heart, uh, soul.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Was amazing care type of time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:I was in, uh, Jackson, Michigan of all places, and if you don't remember David McDonald from episode 1 29 where he was talking about the pursuit of happiness.
Heath Hollensbe:Got to go spend a week with him, led music at his church for three different services there.
Heath Hollensbe:But it was, uh, he just bought this house that's like an 8,000 square foot Victorian home in Jackson and he's.
Heath Hollensbe:Renovating the whole place and it's got Jim, is it amazing recording studios and velvet wallpaper with brass ceilings.
Heath Hollensbe:It's stunning.
Heath Hollensbe:It's one of those beautiful, it's a Graceland.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, it's beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Needs the green shag everywhere
Heath Hollensbe:it kind of feel.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, it's hardwood floors and they like cut out little emblems in.
Heath Hollensbe:You ever been to Graceland?
Heath Hollensbe:Oh yeah, Memphis.
Heath Hollensbe:It's crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:I always tell people like after going to Graceland, it's like the only question remaining is was the green She carpeting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Longer on the floor or the ceilings?
Caesar Kalinowski:There's a lot of it that is, there is a ton of it,
Heath Hollensbe:but no.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, he bought this and it's a creative resource center for, uh, creatives in the church and, and people in ministry, and so it's gonna be with him.
Heath Hollensbe:I'm so excited for that.
Heath Hollensbe:That's gonna be great.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Can't wait to
Caesar Kalinowski:hear.
Caesar Kalinowski:And see and experience the fruit of that and what you guys are kind of building out of there.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's really cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's gonna be great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Well, hey, today we are talking about, um, seven secrets to long-term like marriage unity, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:We started talking about this a few weeks ago.
Caesar Kalinowski:I was kinda mentioning to you, oh, hey, on one of our coaching calls, you know, because we had just celebrated 36 years of marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:And a bunch of our coaching folks were going like, okay, we got questions for you then.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, we knew it was a long time, but like, you've been married longer than we're alive.
Caesar Kalinowski:Some of them, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pushing forward decades.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, yeah, so we, we.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anyway.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that we kind of pulled together a list and, uh, shared it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, not like it's definitive or like, oh, you know.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, uh, anyway, so yeah, we're gonna get into a little bit of that today and kind of share what we shared with the coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause it, they did, did bless them.
Caesar Kalinowski:We thought, well, why not put on the show?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why not put on some, alright,
Heath Hollensbe:so three and a half.
Heath Hollensbe:You guys have been, uh, married longer than I've been alive.
Heath Hollensbe:Which is, which is awesome.
Heath Hollensbe:Don't you just wish I was your, your dad and you guys, you guys combined to have less gray hair than I do on my single head.
Heath Hollensbe:Wow.
Heath Hollensbe:Which is amazing.
Heath Hollensbe:Well, we talked to Kristen.
Heath Hollensbe:She can shorten that up for you.
Heath Hollensbe:But I imagine over those, those three and a half decades, you guys have probably been through a ton together from raising kids to buying and selling businesses.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And, and that includes not just a certain industry, but different types from music to restaurants.
Heath Hollensbe:We've done a lot houses.
Heath Hollensbe:You guys have done ministry all, all over the world together.
Heath Hollensbe:So I wanna hear a little bit about the backstory.
Heath Hollensbe:How did.
Heath Hollensbe:You guys meet?
Heath Hollensbe:When did you meet?
Heath Hollensbe:How's, how's that go?
Tina Kalinowski:We are actually, uh, high school sweethearts.
Tina Kalinowski:Aw,
Heath Hollensbe:aw, come on.
Heath Hollensbe:Right
Tina Kalinowski:at at the Caesar's Talent Show.
Tina Kalinowski:When his rock band was playing at the talent show.
Tina Kalinowski:And, and I was instantly in love.
Tina Kalinowski:Funny story.
Tina Kalinowski:I've seen the
Heath Hollensbe:pictures of Caesar back then.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And, and that was love.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I was in a band called Chain Reaction.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we applied for the talent show.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that year the teacher who was running it decided she didn't wanna do a standard talent contest.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause that was, you know, it was like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then there's losers and there's winners.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause we're gonna win anyway.
Caesar Kalinowski:He said, no, your band will play, but you'll, what you'll do is you'll be the band that plays for all the other acts.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause we're going to mirror this after the Donnie Marie show.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:The Osmonds.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, we don't know how to play anybody else's music.
Caesar Kalinowski:We could barely play our own.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:A couple songs, we were just kids, you know.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we said, no, no, no, no, no.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're not doing that.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're not backing anybody up.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's not who we are.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're not that good and we're just gonna do our stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she was like, well you can take your chain and react somewhere else.
Heath Hollensbe:Oh wow.
Heath Hollensbe:She kinda, she shad
Caesar Kalinowski:us, but then we had to get to do, we got to do the show anyway and that's, we did it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh,
Tina Kalinowski:pink sat in black boots, the whole
Caesar Kalinowski:yard.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sometimes you gotta work.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was closer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Is that when you knew Tina?
Caesar Kalinowski:He
Tina Kalinowski:like this guy.
Tina Kalinowski:That's when I knew he's mine.
Tina Kalinowski:I did actually meet him before the pink setin came out, but uh,
Caesar Kalinowski:but that locked it down.
Tina Kalinowski:Oh man.
Tina Kalinowski:That and the long blonde hair.
Tina Kalinowski:She told
Caesar Kalinowski:her best friend that night.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:I, I did.
Tina Kalinowski:I actually, it's one of the few times, and I will say this in all seriousness, that we're like, I feel like God actually spoke to me.
Heath Hollensbe:Wow.
Tina Kalinowski:And I heard, like somebody was speaking in my ear, this is the guy you're gonna marry.
Tina Kalinowski:And I, I was turned around and told my best friend, I said, this is the guy I'm gonna marry.
Tina Kalinowski:And she said.
Tina Kalinowski:What, you're 16.
Tina Kalinowski:You're not gonna marry anybody at all.
Tina Kalinowski:He said this 17
Caesar Kalinowski:times this week.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, no.
Tina Kalinowski:But uh, and I barely, I mean, I had just met him, so it kind of weird.
Tina Kalinowski:I like to, I like to
Caesar Kalinowski:remind her of that a lot when she wants to doubt my leader.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we're gonna jump way ahead.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we have done a lot of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think we've owned 17 businesses together, something like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I kind of dream these up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then Tina runs them.
Heath Hollensbe:That's
Caesar Kalinowski:awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, and then we sell 'em.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then, uh, we have three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Grown children and you know, a lot of the long-term listeners know this, but yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:We have three grown children.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our firstborn, Caesar, Caesar four.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Who is 30 years old.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, uh, and then he's got his own son, Caesar five, just awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then Kristen.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And who has a grandson, Patton, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And another one on the way.
Caesar Kalinowski:She's got a little girl, just saw the photos yesterday, cooking so awesome in there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then Justine, uh, our, our youngest, our little bird, who's not that yet, who's not married yet.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:She's not married yet, but.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, but working on that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:So anyway, so yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we have been together for a long time and, uh, and you know, you're bound to learn some things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Especially if you stick this long and you still like each other and have fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And our life too is, um, it's, it's probably a bit, uh.
Caesar Kalinowski:Too much together in some ways.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because we're best friends and we work together and we work from home and we coach together and of course then we vacation together.
Caesar Kalinowski:And grandpa, we do
Tina Kalinowski:spend a lot of time together for sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:More than ever.
Tina Kalinowski:Maybe, maybe, maybe too much.
Tina Kalinowski:I just say a sense he's on vacation by himself last year with his best friend, so Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:It happens sometimes.
Tina Kalinowski:Sometimes you gotta That's, and
Caesar Kalinowski:that's some of the things we've learned too, is you do need some me time sometimes.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or, or non, as his team likes to refer to as non Caesar time.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, I'm kidding.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just kidding.
Heath Hollensbe:So one of the things we're talking about off air was like, uh, there has to be some sort of pattern of, of things that you guys have helped.
Heath Hollensbe:I. Are, are things you guys have found that have helped you over the 30 plus years to help you find and also maintain unity?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Throughout your marriage?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Would and uh, you guys were saying there was like seven that you've kind of over the recent couple weeks really kind of honed in on.
Heath Hollensbe:Would you mind sharing, like talking
Caesar Kalinowski:through
Heath Hollensbe:those a bit?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah,
Caesar Kalinowski:we got asked, you know, like I said by some of the coaching folks, like, Hey, you know, what are some of the things?
Caesar Kalinowski:And we said, well.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't know.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we were having coffee one morning we started talking about it and then we said, Ooh, we should write that down.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, we should write those down.
Caesar Kalinowski:So then by the time we got done writing, we had seven.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a biblical number.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we didn't mean to, and we'll share 'em real quick.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're not necessarily, like I said, uh, these astounding things, but they've kind of added up to, well, 36 years of marriage and being on the same page for the most part.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:So here they are, uh, pretty quickly.
Caesar Kalinowski:So first thing is consistently doing date nights.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, like really kind of trying to hold that as sacred.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not that we never miss, or you know, we have 36 years of, you know, times 52 date nights or something like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:We've had a lot of misses.
Tina Kalinowski:For sure.
Tina Kalinowski:But
Caesar Kalinowski:we've had more solid runs in strings of doing date nights.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and meaningful date nights.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we can even put in the show notes like, um, I've got a little mini teaching on how to have an awesome date night with your spouse.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Really?
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:Because a date night is not a night where you go to dinner and sit in a movie and don't talk to each other and then get in an argument about.
Tina Kalinowski:Bills and Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:You know, kids and who's doing intent in morning.
Tina Kalinowski:That is not a date night.
Tina Kalinowski:Your
Heath Hollensbe:date night is not going to get diapers at Costco either.
Heath Hollensbe:No.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, yeah, hopefully not mostly, you know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:And we know some people said like, well, our last date was at Costco and we get a lot of free snacks and then went home and sat in the driveway for an hour 'cause the kids didn't know we were home.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's, well, it beats nothing, but it's, it's not exactly the goal.
Caesar Kalinowski:The goal is really to dream a little bit, to have your hearts open towards one another.
Caesar Kalinowski:To Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Kind of To
Tina Kalinowski:connect.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:To connect and see what's going on.
Caesar Kalinowski:So.
Caesar Kalinowski:So date nights, that's a big thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll tell you.
Caesar Kalinowski:It is phenomenal now to watch our two married children, Cesar and Kristen, uh, consistently adhere to doing date nights.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, uh, we are often as the grandparents, the ones that can afford that for them by watching the babies.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, date nights, that's been a big one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, if you're not doing date nights out there, I just wanna encourage you to do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, quit making the excuses.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not about money.
Caesar Kalinowski:They don't have to be expensive.
Caesar Kalinowski:You can always find babysitting if you think ahead.
Caesar Kalinowski:Swap it out, do trade outs, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:It doesn't
Tina Kalinowski:have to be at night.
Tina Kalinowski:It could be at breakfast, it could be at lunch, it could be at home after the kids go to bed.
Tina Kalinowski:As long as you're really very intentional about what you're doing with your time and how you're connecting.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:So next thing is, um, we have from pretty early on and pretty broke on in our marriage, which is still today.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, we took vacations together, Tina and I, without the kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:We,
Heath Hollensbe:we
Caesar Kalinowski:kind of got into a pattern when they were pretty young, um, of taking a, a week, a year if we could, uh, four or five
Caesar Kalinowski:days minimally, but a week, a year where we didn't take the kids.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just going without 'em.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That
Tina Kalinowski:really, we, we had a few years from the time that we had our first, until the time that we'd had our third, where we really didn't get those vacations.
Tina Kalinowski:And by that time, I think I, my head was about ready to explode.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:You know, we'd had a lot of little family time vacations, but we start to realize we needed more than two hours and on a date Sure.
Tina Kalinowski:To connect and to relax and.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or you know how it is when you go on vacation with the kids?
Caesar Kalinowski:Loads of fun, not very relaxed.
Caesar Kalinowski:A lot of work, not necessarily a lot of hard work with you and your spouse.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:We started doing vacations without the kids and some of 'em were very, very low budge.
Caesar Kalinowski:Other times we just caught a killer deal on a cruise and had the worst room on the boat.
Caesar Kalinowski:We didn't care.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause you know, it was, all the meals are included and we're in, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Good to go.
Caesar Kalinowski:Which by the
Tina Kalinowski:way, is actually some of the tea.
Tina Kalinowski:Cheapest, uh, vacations you can ever take first.
Tina Kalinowski:Oh, we love them.
Tina Kalinowski:Love.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:They're the best.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah, they are.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, unless you have some crazy boat fear, which you don't really need to, you know, anyway, so yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Vacationing without the kids has been a big thing throughout the years.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:At least one week a year is great.
Tina Kalinowski:If you can like.
Tina Kalinowski:Set that as a goal that That's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's really cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:And the reason we say a week is because, I mean, if you could say, well, there's no way we're gonna get a week this year.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well then try to do a long weekend.
Caesar Kalinowski:But yeah, for us it took, because we were running businesses Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:It took a good two to three days just to decompress.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Enough to actually start, enjoy anything and wake up and talk and you know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And to get
Tina Kalinowski:past feeling like we had to talk about like problem stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That makes sense.
Caesar Kalinowski:So often with.
Caesar Kalinowski:Parenting, uh, everything you talk about when the kids aren't sitting there is all the problems with the kids and this thing at school and this
Caesar Kalinowski:bill, and how are we gonna afford braces and all, you know, for all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, just like with date nights, it's not about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't solve problems.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, same with the vacations.
Caesar Kalinowski:We tried to not make them our cleanup, you know, for all of our problems in life.
Caesar Kalinowski:We tried to let, let's go have fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, connect.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, there's always time to clean stuff up.
Caesar Kalinowski:A lot of blessings in life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's rehearse that kind of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, third one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Road trip
Tina Kalinowski:dreaming.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Road trip dreaming.
Caesar Kalinowski:We'll have to explain what we mean by that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yes.
Caesar Kalinowski:So when we would do either work trips or car trips with the kids and vacations and different things like that, um, we found, like, we
Caesar Kalinowski:didn't intentional it at first, but then we did start to intent it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:We would do these road trips and the kids would be either, you know, headphones in the back watching a movie or something, or sleeping.
Caesar Kalinowski:We had our best conversations about the future.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's the way we call 'em road trip dreaming because we would like, we would just be talking and stuff would be on the radio and next thing
Caesar Kalinowski:you know it's like, Hey, what have you been thinking about work lately?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or what are you been thinking about church lately?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or ministry or, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it's like, you know, I've been thinking this like, yo, me too.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we would just kind of dream and it was kind of those times that we, I don't know, open road kind of thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we would find that we did our best sort of what if thing and is God saying this and let's start praying more about that together and.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and yeah, and just kind of thinking about what could be next for us as a couple, as a family for careers, all that is our time to dream a little bit, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's cool.
Tina Kalinowski:It was dreaming, it was also just kind of connecting with the spirit.
Tina Kalinowski:What are you hearing from the spirit?
Tina Kalinowski:What's God telling you?
Tina Kalinowski:Sure.
Tina Kalinowski:And, and then oftentimes it was great because we'd find that we were very much on the same.
Tina Kalinowski:Path.
Tina Kalinowski:Like we, like God was speaking to us in very harmonious ways and that, you know, something we
Caesar Kalinowski:hadn't spoken about to each other.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:We found out like not only have we not, but we should and we need to, and we just did.
Caesar Kalinowski:But you know what we're actually God's on got us on the same track or the same page.
Heath Hollensbe:Comes out on road trips.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, it does.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:For it did for us a lot.
Heath Hollensbe:It's cool.
Heath Hollensbe:Has ever experienced
Caesar Kalinowski:that?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Actually just Saturday we did Rainier, like seven hours of driving around the whole thing and up top and down.
Heath Hollensbe:It was the same thing as like I was telling Kathleen, she said, I just, I remember being a kid and my parents wanted a road trip all the time, and we
Heath Hollensbe:hated it as kids, but now the older we get, we're like, no, it's so awesome.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:So
Caesar Kalinowski:we're trying to get a roach.
Caesar Kalinowski:Last week we were gonna do like a three day down to go see the redwoods or something.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And the week just.
Caesar Kalinowski:Didn't, it didn't afford It didn't happen.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, it didn't happen.
Caesar Kalinowski:It didn't work.
Caesar Kalinowski:No.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, but we're kind of feeling it now after sharing these un coaching.
Caesar Kalinowski:Time to go time for some road trip dreams.
Caesar Kalinowski:Go.
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright, next one is, um, that we, we noticed looking back over marriages that we, we do a lot of debriefing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Of situations, and I'll explain what I mean in a second and sort of closing the loop on things, meaning after we would do a vacation or after we would do some
Caesar Kalinowski:sort of a training together or a ministry thing or have say, a staff meeting or,
Tina Kalinowski:or a party at our house.
Tina Kalinowski:Sure.
Tina Kalinowski:Or yeah,
Caesar Kalinowski:open table.
Caesar Kalinowski:A vacation.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:We would, we would sort of do a debrief, Hey, what did you think about last week?
Caesar Kalinowski:Huh?
Caesar Kalinowski:And that conversation that we had with the kids or, uh, you know, or the, you know, we had everybody over this week from the neighborhood and what's, what do you think's going on there?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like with so and so, they seem to be leaning in and they, they're awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, we're loving them and we, or what do you think we could do better next time?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or what, what.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why was I stressing then?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or why were you stressing then?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we kind of, we found that when we're doing bigger things that require some planning and effort and, and they could be the kind of things that
Caesar Kalinowski:you tend to worry about people's perceptions or how they went or Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:All that we would do some debriefing and kind of close the loop on that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, like, okay, well next time let's try this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or you know what, I'm gonna be more considerate about that and try to help better or shut up more.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or, I don't need to stress about that now that we've talked about it or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:But instead of just sort of going event to, event to thing to thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:We found that we've been pretty consistent and intentional about sort of debriefing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Big and small.
Caesar Kalinowski:They don't have to be big old things, but um, you know, we just went on a trip the other day with some friends in the neighborhood.
Caesar Kalinowski:We kind of debriefed it after we got home.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it was just kind of a way of going, how, how did you experience it and how did you, okay, great.
Caesar Kalinowski:What, alright, where are we going?
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright, good.
Caesar Kalinowski:So mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Spend some intentional debriefing and sort of closing of the loop on, uh, stuff in life that we co-labor in.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a good thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's really cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think builds trust and, uh, understanding and less fear for the next one or like we're not doing the next one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Puts a little closure on it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright, number five.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, so the next thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Is times of prayer both together, but also separate, kind of seeking the spirit's voice in things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sometimes things that we talked about on our road trip dreaming and we're like, well, I don't know, but why don't we, why don't we pray about that?
Caesar Kalinowski:And, you know, this is sort of the big Christian answer, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:But golly, you gotta be praying.
Caesar Kalinowski:You get to be praying.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:As couples, if, if, if we're one flesh and our marriages and our families are the biggest picture of the gospel that we have, then.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, that God's given us then praying together and seeking Dad for how he wants this marriage to look or where we're going in ministry, or how we spend our finances or our parenting.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:It's amazing when you pray together and then also pray separately about those same things.
Tina Kalinowski:Sure.
Tina Kalinowski:How God can really move your heart to, you know, from like maybe feeling like, oh, we're not supposed to do this, to, no, no, we really should.
Tina Kalinowski:And, and I have a piece about it and we've done some kind of.
Tina Kalinowski:Crazy things in our lives where I was like, I don't know.
Tina Kalinowski:I don't, he God really
Caesar Kalinowski:asking us to do this or move there, how could we possibly pull that off away?
Caesar Kalinowski:And,
Tina Kalinowski:and yet then the spirit's, you know, given us.
Tina Kalinowski:The go ahead and the peace and, and we've done it and it's worked.
Tina Kalinowski:So
Caesar Kalinowski:there's nothing like talk about marriage uni.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what we're talking about.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's nothing to bring greater marriage uni, that when you discuss something, go away and pray, come back and you go, what'd you hear?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's exactly what the spirit said to me.
Heath Hollensbe:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And sometimes it's different.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, I'll give you an example.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sometimes we don't hear exact same thing, but it still gives us peace.
Caesar Kalinowski:We'll, like say we see a need, uh, and God, God's putting both on our hearts.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, I think we should give to that, or we should try to help those people, or this situation, or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's go away and pray and see what we come up with.
Caesar Kalinowski:And for a number,
Heath Hollensbe:hmm,
Caesar Kalinowski:more than not, we come back with the same exact number.
Heath Hollensbe:Really
Caesar Kalinowski:sometimes.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause I think Teton is more generous than I am.
Caesar Kalinowski:She'll say, oh, I was thinking this much.
Caesar Kalinowski:I always go with the, I always go with her.
Heath Hollensbe:Okay.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, because it's like, well what's, what's probably closer to the heart of God?
Caesar Kalinowski:Generosity, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And hopefully we're both here and being generous.
Caesar Kalinowski:But yeah, I'll tell you together.
Caesar Kalinowski:And separate prayer is really good for finding unity and confirmation.
Caesar Kalinowski:And when you do, when you hear the same thing separately, you feel pretty confident.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, okay, seems crazy to the world, seems crazy to the kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Seems crazy to me, but you know what?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's really kind of the fleece.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah,
Caesar Kalinowski:absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:It came back.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Six.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So
Tina Kalinowski:this is one that I really, uh, I, I think we don't do enough, and as married couples, we probably don't get enough is individual time alone.
Tina Kalinowski:We've kind of tend to feel like, oh, if we're married, we should be doing everything together as a married couple.
Tina Kalinowski:Sure.
Tina Kalinowski:And, and we need date nights.
Tina Kalinowski:And we need, and, and yes, all of that's true, but you gotta remember that you were first a person before you were a half of a couple and a, and a mom or a dad.
Tina Kalinowski:And so you need to continue to kind of.
Tina Kalinowski:Feed into yourself and take care of yourself.
Tina Kalinowski:So having times when you go and have a, a fun time with the girls or the guys, um, where you do something, take a class, do something that, that it kind of feeds your soul.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, kinda like you get away last week.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, I know like there's family, uh, sacrifice.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe that's a strong word, but you know, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're giving up a week of dad being gone and there was some expense involved that comes outta the family budget and all that, but.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know it's fed into you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's built into you big time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like body, soul, and spirit.
Heath Hollensbe:Got a tattoo while I was there.
Heath Hollensbe:Come on.
Heath Hollensbe:It was that.
Heath Hollensbe:Really?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, man, I'll tell you about that later.
Heath Hollensbe:My goodness.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:So I
Tina Kalinowski:kind of feel like this is like the airplane, uh, level of health and fitness where like, you know, when the mask come
Tina Kalinowski:down, you always have to put your own mask on before you can Oh yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:Anybody else.
Tina Kalinowski:'cause otherwise you're probably gonna pass out and everybody's gonna die, you know?
Tina Kalinowski:So that's a great point for a mom and or, or dad, you know, when you're in charge, you tend to take care of everybody else.
Tina Kalinowski:Well, this is you taking care of you.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:And it's really
Caesar Kalinowski:important having some fun feeling like, Hey, the family can invest in mom having some fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or taking a class
Heath Hollensbe:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or, or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Completely dad.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, I just wanna tell everybody listening like, you should not feel guilty about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's not like a luxury.
Caesar Kalinowski:Jesus went alone.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:To be alone.
Caesar Kalinowski:Went away to be alone a lot.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:We don't have tons and tons of media on how he spent his spare time, but if you were to put most Chis, you know, chicks and check marks
Caesar Kalinowski:in the corner, it'd be, well, he went alone to be with dad, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or he went off to be alone.
Caesar Kalinowski:It would say.
Caesar Kalinowski:So you get to be.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And like Tina said, I think that building into yourself, now you have health and, you know, awareness to bring to.
Caesar Kalinowski:The marriage and therefore your family and all that.
Heath Hollensbe:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Last one is, um, and there again, like I said, these aren't in any kinda perfect or yeah, even decided order.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, um, we've done quite a bit of, of gone to quite a few marriage conferences together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Huh.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's like some.
Caesar Kalinowski:Times I've suggested to people like, Hey, read a good marriage book every year.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:As a couple, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a powerful thing to do and it's important.
Caesar Kalinowski:We both came from families where we did not seem good, healthy Christian marriages modeled at all.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Both our mar families, our parents ended in divorce.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Though mine got remarried to each other later.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:Episode, different episode.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and um, but we didn't know, and it was one of the few things we knew.
Tina Kalinowski:The only thing that we knew when we got married is that we had no idea how to be married or how to be parents.
Tina Kalinowski:Huh.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's the only thing and how to be Christian parents and how to stay married and how are we gonna not ruin our kids and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we
Tina Kalinowski:agreed because we'd seen what divorce had done to both of our families that when we got married.
Tina Kalinowski:Yep.
Tina Kalinowski:That was it.
Tina Kalinowski:So whatever it took to figure out, we had to just figure it out.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yep.
Heath Hollensbe:That's same with us.
Heath Hollensbe:So we did a lot of marriage
Caesar Kalinowski:life conferences, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and we would go like sometimes year after year.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then skip a year and go and take other couples and do all that kind of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:So like
Tina Kalinowski:those conferences gave us so many foundations and.
Tina Kalinowski:Opportunities to discuss things and new tools to put in our tool belt and uh, communication
Caesar Kalinowski:skills.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I think some years, I'm trying to remember back, I think some years we couldn't afford to go, so we hit up like our small group or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, or our parents or everybody we knew like, hey, we really need like.
Caesar Kalinowski:A hotel for that 'cause it's an overnight, you know?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or has anybody got points or something we could, you know, get for a room or, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because it was important enough to humble ourselves and get after it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know what, and I'll tell you what, people in your community and your family, they step up and honor that kind of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, for sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, we're trying to get, you know, your, your own siblings going like, yeah, we all need something.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause mom and dad didn't show us a lot, you know?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I know some people like, well, I came from a really good family.
Caesar Kalinowski:You don't have perfect parents.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you're not them.
Caesar Kalinowski:So.
Caesar Kalinowski:Get out and learn, write some stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that was one of the things too that kind of helped us learn how to be married and communicate well and parent and Huh?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:So those are sort of seven things we had kind of come up with that we shared that were like, I think these things have all, and still do, contribute to us being on the same page and having unity.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:After all those years.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:So when it comes to unity, like you were just talking about, if you're anything like Kathleen and I, you'll find that at certain points in your life there's this disunity
Heath Hollensbe:where it seems really hard to get back in the same just you guys, you're the only ones.
Heath Hollensbe:It's all we wonder sometimes, but like it's hard to get back on the same page.
Heath Hollensbe:And so my question is, how did you guys get unstuck in those seasons where you just couldn't find yourselves working?
Heath Hollensbe:Things out and walking together,
Tina Kalinowski:I, you know, this really does happen to everybody.
Tina Kalinowski:You know, we have patterns.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:And well-worn grooves and, and things that you've learned from your parents that Well,
Caesar Kalinowski:we kinda hide and go like, Ooh, that's a little icky, so let's just not fix that or talk about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause it's a little painful, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:So
Tina Kalinowski:when you find yourself in that situation, you know, seeking out like an older, you know, married.
Tina Kalinowski:A couple or a wise, wise counselors, um, that counseling.
Tina Kalinowski:Don't, don't be embarrassed by that stuff.
Tina Kalinowski:No.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like no one knows how to have a perfect marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Trust me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't care.
Caesar Kalinowski:Even if you came from a great family, no one was born knowing exactly how to do this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if you get stuck, the dumbest thing is to let your pride.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or something get in the way of getting what you need.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so we've been to counselors a lot.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean a lot.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we never hid it from our kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Because I don't want them to think, Hey, mom and dad have this perfect marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, no.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't do a lot of stuff we did.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And when you do get stuck, get help.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I can remember one time, um, pastoring and Tina and I come out of a marriage counseling session and in the waiting room for the next couple coming up is a couple that I'm an elder to, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we're like, Hey, how's it going?
Caesar Kalinowski:We're like working on some stuff like us too.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm like, good on you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're all doing it
Heath Hollensbe:together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we, that's how we would get unstuck when we just really had prayed and maybe road tripped on it and talked to some friends and we weren't getting it resolved.
Caesar Kalinowski:Get a little counseling.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sometimes you just
Tina Kalinowski:need a little help or a lot.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:And I'll tell you, having adult kids now, um, hearing them, my, our youngest daughter just said recently, um, one of the coolest things that
Tina Kalinowski:she learned from us that is that it's okay to not have all the answers.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:And to, and to seek out help.
Tina Kalinowski:That's cool.
Tina Kalinowski:And keep learning.
Tina Kalinowski:And she loved the fact that we just kept learning.
Tina Kalinowski:Yep.
Tina Kalinowski:And, and trying new things and, and going to coun, you know, going to counseling or whatever when, when you needed it.
Tina Kalinowski:So.
Heath Hollensbe:No, I'm, as you're talking there, Tina, I was thinking about how certain I am that that being part also of being in a local community or missional community or some sort
Heath Hollensbe:of small group has also been encouraging and helpful in providing unity for me and my family.
Heath Hollensbe:I'm sure it was the same thing for you.
Heath Hollensbe:People can kind of call you out when you're out of sync or when you're being a a-hole.
Heath Hollensbe:How important is it to live visible and transparent lives with those you're in community with?
Heath Hollensbe:And how have you seen those communities in your past help you guys when you need it?
Heath Hollensbe:It most,
Tina Kalinowski:I think it's ultimately important.
Tina Kalinowski:If you're not the same person, it's hard.
Tina Kalinowski:'cause
Caesar Kalinowski:who wants to be transparent with the bad and the ugly, but the good part, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:It is hard.
Tina Kalinowski:It's hard to, you know, not to be vulnerable, to not be perfect and to be like having an argument with your spouse when you're supposed to be leaders in the community.
Tina Kalinowski:Yeah.
Tina Kalinowski:You know, it's hard to be there, but it, but it, by the same token, we are modeling.
Tina Kalinowski:What it looks like to have an argument, to not agree and to either resolve it or uh, not.
Caesar Kalinowski:And sometimes you have to seek forgiveness and you go like, well, since we kind of, you know, kind of barfed on each other in public,
Caesar Kalinowski:then we're gonna also like, repent and seek forgiveness, you know, publicly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so that's discipleship in action.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like really.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause who gets to see that, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And who gets to experience that and then, or doing it with your kids and all that too.
Caesar Kalinowski:And there's been times and they, they mark us where people have come to us in community.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and oftentimes much, you know, younger people in US and go, Hey, just wanted to talk to you about something.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, last night when the community was together and we were having dinner or whatever, uh, you know, the way he spoke to Tina came off with pretty hard edge.
Caesar Kalinowski:I dunno if you felt everybody kind of go eeeeee.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, I, I don't know if something's going on, or it was just the way we heard it, or.
Caesar Kalinowski:How you doing and why?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, like what's what with that?
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, you know, like, wow, that was sinful.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or I was thinking this, but it came out sinful.
Caesar Kalinowski:That was absolutely wrong.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I did talk to Tina, or I need to, or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:So those are actually really sweet times.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And what we found is that life and community and transparent community seems to deal with things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Way sooner than wait until the wheels are coming off of marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:So like, Hey, we're so and so, oh, they're not in a group anymore.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why not?
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, they're getting divorced.
Caesar Kalinowski:What?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's like,
Heath Hollensbe:yeah, what
Caesar Kalinowski:happened?
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, so if your community doesn't have that kind of transparency, please strive for it and model it.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you, that's how you get there, is you just model it.
Caesar Kalinowski:You be vulnerable.
Caesar Kalinowski:You admit when stuff's wrong, you come back and go, Hey, last week maybe none of you picked up on it, but my wife did and I wanna, I wanna confess
Caesar Kalinowski:something that was sinful and I wanna ask for your forgiveness here.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it's a, it's a big deal.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're right.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a big deal,
Heath Hollensbe:man.
Heath Hollensbe:If you haven't given us enough already, we are now moving towards the big three, which is the, uh, free download.
Heath Hollensbe:You get by going to everyday disciple.com/big three, and if nothing else, that's the takeaways that we want you to walk away with from this episode.
Heath Hollensbe:So, uh, Caesar, Tina, what are the big three for this week?
Heath Hollensbe:Well, Tina, why don't you give us the first one?
Heath Hollensbe:Wow, here we go.
Tina Kalinowski:Uh, I would say that the first one is don't expect that, that you somehow intrinsically know how to have a great marriage and close unity as a couple.
Tina Kalinowski:Like almost no one was raised in a perfect home with perfect parents who experienced and modeled a perfect marriage.
Tina Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Tina Kalinowski:And marriage takes a lot of work for everyone, but it's worth the effort.
Caesar Kalinowski:So worth working on it and doing that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:The legacy we got, we get to leave and the picture.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:That leads right into number two is that marriage is a huge picture of the gospel and the foundation for our families, and I think for all of society really.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure marriages and you can trace a lot of muckety, weird, broken stuff right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Back to marriages, falling apart in Family, families, what your kids and others outside your nuclear family see and experience lays a foundation for how they perceive God and life in his kingdom.
Caesar Kalinowski:It really does like think about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let the weight of that land on you a bit.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so how we respond under pressure or when we make mistakes or what we do when we're not on the same page as a couple, or how we seek and
Caesar Kalinowski:grant forgiveness, they're all opportunities to grow and model life.
Caesar Kalinowski:And marriage in light of the gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Number three.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll, I'll grab this one too.
Caesar Kalinowski:Go for it.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, don't hide your marriage imperfections.
Caesar Kalinowski:We said that a while ago, but this is, this is one of the don't misses.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't hide your marriage imperfections.
Caesar Kalinowski:Find a community of trusted believers that are on your team right, and the mature enough that they'll speak the truth and love to you when it's needed.
Caesar Kalinowski:So trying to maintain a false front kind of quote unquote of perfection will actually lead to disunity in your marriage.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause you realize you're both faking it all the time in front of everybody.
Caesar Kalinowski:So then you don't wanna be anywhere, you know, and it'll set others up for challenges and false expectations of their own and their own marriages.
Caesar Kalinowski:So seek wise, seek some, you know, wise counseling when you need it or when you're stuck.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and don't assume if you sweep stuff, you know, issues and weird patterns under the wrong log.
Caesar Kalinowski:Enough, let me say that again.
Caesar Kalinowski:And don't assume that if you sweep issues and weird patterns under the rug long enough that they'll just go away, bring 'em out into the light.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So just let your redemption show.
Heath Hollensbe:It's a lot, man.
Heath Hollensbe:Thank you guys so much for doing this.
Heath Hollensbe:Again, get those for free as a downloadable link by going to everyday disciple.com/big three, and it'll come right away to your inbox.
Heath Hollensbe:If you haven't yet joined our Facebook group, you can do that by going to everyday disciple.com/facebook, and you can join the conversation that Caesar and I have with.
Heath Hollensbe:Everybody in that community each week.
Heath Hollensbe:Love it if you join us.
Heath Hollensbe:And thanks Tina for being here today.
Tina Kalinowski:I'm so glad to be here.
Tina Kalinowski:Thanks for having me.
Heath Hollensbe:Now, she's off, she's off to a show, a concert tonight, so this, she's outta here.
Heath Hollensbe:She's gonna go get her rock and roll on tonight.
Heath Hollensbe:I'm gonna
Tina Kalinowski:go have fun and invest in myself with my friends without Caesar.
Caesar Kalinowski:Without Caesar.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right, honey.
Heath Hollensbe:Thanks for joining us today.
Heath Hollensbe:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday disciple.com and remember.
Heath Hollensbe:You really can live with a spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.