Christian Accountability: Pitfalls and Promises
We often hear the word ‘accountability’ thrown around in Christian circles. For some, it can hold deep meaning and value; for others, it can conjure up feelings of failure, shame, or defeat.
In this episode of the Everyday Disciple Podcast, we talk about how accountability relationships are not all good or beneficial… but they can be! We’ll give you several steps toward participating in gospel-centered accountability that can transform your life.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- Why most people shy away from accountability relationships (and should).
- How many people hide their true selves while pretending to be accountable.
- 8 Accountability Group killers to avoid.
- What powerful, gospel-centered accountability looks and sounds like.
From this episode:
“In my past experience with accountability groups or relationships, it seemed the focus was primarily on trying to ‘not sin’. I had to come together each week and lay out all my sins and failures and where I failed. It was all pretty much sin-management focused. Is there a better way to do this?”
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
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Also, please subscribe and leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.
Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Coaching on Disciple-making and Missional Living with Caesar & Tina
Missio Publishing – More Missional Books and Resources
Caesar Kalinowski’s Website and Blog with Loads of Resources
In light of today’s topic, you might also find this helpful:
Why Missional Community Will Never Work in Your Context
Transcript
You see, when we're just acting as each other's sin police, like when I see you coming my way or when we get together for our accountability group, I'm already like, uh, oh, he's going to ask me if I looked at porn this week or if I made it to the gym as much as I promised I would or whatever my last big failure was that I confessed in the group.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's icky and it's weird and it causes division and hiding.
Caesar Kalinowski:Instead of hope and unity, trust and gratitude.
Caesar Kalinowski:But if accountability is gospel centered, then my greatest concern is not how you managed your sin this week and having to approach you with that, but rather was God glorified in how you trusted him and lived in light of what you know to be true of him.
Caesar Kalinowski:And what he says is now true of you because of Christ.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a better type of accountability.
Heath Hollensbe:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast where you'll learn how to live with.
Heath Hollensbe:greater intentionality, and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Heath Hollensbe:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Heath Hollensbe:This is the stuff your parents, pastors, and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Heath Hollensbe:And now, here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, sorry about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I was getting a little drink of water.
Heath Hollensbe:I jumped the gun there.
Heath Hollensbe:How you doing, man?
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey Heath, I'm doing good, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm actually feeling really good about life and feeling super healthy these days and kind of like, you know, uh, maybe we talked about a couple of weeks.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I don't know, but kind of in a new little morning routine and, uh, kind of hitting, hitting the workout thing a little, and I guess it's a new year's thing, but not, not so much as just back to more of who I've lived like for a lot of years.
Caesar Kalinowski:But I'm not on the road as much as I used to be.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's so much easier to get into a routine.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know you've been CrossFit like crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're looking good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Feeling good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thanks man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm feeling great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm losing some weight and people can't see through the, uh, podcast player here, , or as I used to say through the radio, but you kinda got that scratchy beard thing going.
Caesar Kalinowski:I
Heath Hollensbe:know.
Heath Hollensbe:I'm feeling wilderness.
Heath Hollensbe:See, how's Kathleen
Caesar Kalinowski:feeling about that?
Heath Hollensbe:Um.
Heath Hollensbe:It's not good between us.
Heath Hollensbe:It's talking about accountability groups.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, I feel, you know, with the weather this season, I feel like, uh, I feel like I should be more of a mountain man, you know?
Heath Hollensbe:I wanna,
Caesar Kalinowski:I wanna grow that
Heath Hollensbe:beard
Caesar Kalinowski:out.
Caesar Kalinowski:From the waist up, you totally are, but then people don't know, like, you wear shorts and no socks or sandals or anything most of the year, so you look like Beach Dude.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm literally wearing, like, a North Face down jacket right now
Heath Hollensbe:and
Caesar Kalinowski:board shorts.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sweat and bullets,
Heath Hollensbe:and then
Caesar Kalinowski:your knees are frozen.
Caesar Kalinowski:Your feet are just
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, I don't
Caesar Kalinowski:know what's causing it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Has this been the rainiest winter, like, ever?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, it's been a little brutal.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, a lot more than the most.
Caesar Kalinowski:where I sit and write, I can see, like, off the back of our house, like, just water just shooting off the one of the eaves, like, it's not supposed to.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, and they're saying another three inches of rain tonight.
Caesar Kalinowski:Three?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And everybody thinks, oh, yeah, well, you live in Seattle, it's like the, it's the rainiest place in the world.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not normally.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, it's not.
Caesar Kalinowski:But this has been a crazy win.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, but you know what?
Caesar Kalinowski:Is, was it 53 today or something?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, so it wasn't brutal, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, no.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just a little gray.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, let's uh, let's share a review that came in.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, this review came in last week based off the episode We did two weeks ago on rest and kind of getting into the new year planning on rest Written by fully in love who said I really loved the last episode It's seriously gold, she said.
Heath Hollensbe:Fully in Love says, Thank you for all the tips and insights shared.
Heath Hollensbe:Rest is an area I feel we need to continue intentionally growing in or we begin to lose sight of why it's so life giving.
Heath Hollensbe:Which, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Great review, thank you.
Caesar Kalinowski:By the way, when you, when you leave reviews, either, uh, I want to say iTunes, but it's called Apple Podcasts now, when you leave them there Or wherever you listen to podcasts, and we're in every podcast player, then we try to find those and read them online.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, we might not get to every one of them, but we try to.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, thank you so much, FullyInLove.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, by the way, you can, we have like a one stop link now, where you can either find players, You can always go to our website, you know, everydaydisciple.
Caesar Kalinowski:com forward slash podcast.
Caesar Kalinowski:That takes you right to our full blown site.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's where all of life happens.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:But if you want to see where all the players are in different things, you know, Apple podcast and.
Caesar Kalinowski:Spotify.
Caesar Kalinowski:All that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:You can just go to everydaydisciple.
Caesar Kalinowski:com forward slash subscribe.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:The word subscribe.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they're all there.
Caesar Kalinowski:You can click there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Boom.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not only listen, but you can do your rating and subscribing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thank you so much.
Caesar Kalinowski:When you do that, what that does is that tells us, hey, you care.
Caesar Kalinowski:That tells us that there's a good chance you might share the love and pass it on to someone else.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Which reviews do.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it also ensures that you're not going to miss episodes.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Cool.
Heath Hollensbe:Let's uh, let's jump into today's topic, which is accountability relationships, right?
Heath Hollensbe:Because it turns out that you and I, along with two other close friends, um.
Heath Hollensbe:Just actually formed this new DNA group, which we define as discipleship, nurture, and accountability.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, we actually start tonight.
Heath Hollensbe:I'm really looking forward about it.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:So it's really timely.
Heath Hollensbe:Like this is a very fitting episode for me, for us, even now, accountability groups and accountability partners are often seen within the church is sort of like a big league must have relationships.
Heath Hollensbe:If we're going to Keep or attain maturity in our faith.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, and while it's not sure Christians do right be an accountability with some
Heath Hollensbe:people.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a good thing
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, and while accountability does and certainly can play a really critical role in our own personal growth and holiness We've all I would assume seen many accountability pitfalls times where it did not go
Caesar Kalinowski:well Yeah, well and not everybody's into it, right, but you hear this all the time like yeah Hey, tell me who you're accountable to.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, that's like a big thing in Christian circles Especially if you have any kind of You know, a church that you're pastoring and, and this is tough for non denominational churches or leaders or like myself where, you know, I don't, I don't have a, this giant board of like, well, who are you accountable to?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And there are people, but that's a big thing, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And I've heard this my whole Christian life and I've been in many of those kinds of relationships, but I've also known too many Christians.
Caesar Kalinowski:Including pastors who were in accountability groups and had huge male, moral failures, like huge.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, I was in one church, a seemingly like rockstar youth pastor at this church.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, I was at, and he, and he was fully submitted to his accountability group.
Caesar Kalinowski:He really was.
Caesar Kalinowski:Went every week, good dudes in it and everything.
Caesar Kalinowski:It turns out he was having sex with some of the students in the youth group.
Caesar Kalinowski:He was a married dude, had just gotten married.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was horrible.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, it was, the fallout was ridiculous, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And so the way, unfortunately, that accountability groups and relationships are structured don't necessarily Like help, you know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:They can, but they don't.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And not everybody loves them.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, I mean, maybe here's part of the why.
Caesar Kalinowski:Think about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's a definition from Webster's of Accountable.
Caesar Kalinowski:It says, subject to having to report, explain, or justify.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Answerable.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, that sounds pretty heavy right off the bat, like, okay, now I'm subject, I have to give a report.
Caesar Kalinowski:So like you and I, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:With a couple other brothers, we're just starting this new DNA group.
Caesar Kalinowski:Some account will be there like, oh, I got to give an account now and you're thinking that right, right away.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's like sweating.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, just we're sweating bullets.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, um.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I think it might be a lot, why a lot of folks actually avoid accountability in their Christian life and personal walk with God.
Caesar Kalinowski:They don't want to open up.
Heath Hollensbe:Well, you know, in my past experiences with different accountability groups or relationships, and it doesn't matter if this was in San Diego or Tennessee or even out here initially, it seemed like the primary focus was trying to not sin.
Heath Hollensbe:And I had to come each week and lay out my sins and failures and where I failed.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, and it was all very much sin management based.
Heath Hollensbe:And I'm wondering if you've had that same experience and, and if so, there's got to be a better way to do this, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, well, I really think there is.
Caesar Kalinowski:I really think that is, and that's part of why I love this idea.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and it wasn't like I, I thought this up order, but I like this idea of a DNA group there.
Caesar Kalinowski:The focus is discipleship, nurture, and accountability.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we've said this over and over, discipleship is the process of moving from unbelief to belief about the gospel in every area of life.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's discipleship.
Caesar Kalinowski:I want that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, me too.
Caesar Kalinowski:I want to help provide that in your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, we already have that, you and I, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:But now with some other dudes, a little more formalized, a little more consistent, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:So I love that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Nurture, that's about caring for one another.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, think of all the one another's in scripture.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Bearing with one another and, you know, carrying each other's burdens and, you know, patience with one and all.
Caesar Kalinowski:Honoring one another.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, there's tons of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know just from even when we talked with our brothers setting up the group, we all like, what do you want from this group?
Caesar Kalinowski:And we were all looking for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're all looking for like, you know, I also need some nurturing, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And then, and there's accountability.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, accountability to what?
Caesar Kalinowski:And this is kind of where this is ultimately going to go today.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think the best accountability for each other as Christians is accountability to live in light of what we say we believe in connection to the gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:In every area of life and we're gonna talk about that more in a minute But I don't think it's accountable.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like did you stop sinning or did you not do that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or did you do all that this week like sin management kind of stuff, but it's accountability, but you know, it's back to that discipleship Definition right the process of moving from unbelief to belief and then live in that way.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah
Caesar Kalinowski:Well my accountability then like I don't I'm giving it away, but like the best, you know I think the best accountability is How are you doing at living out what you say you believed?
Caesar Kalinowski:We talked through that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And God's already paid the price of your sin.
Caesar Kalinowski:So how are you doing?
Caesar Kalinowski:Anyway, so let's get to that.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right, we'll get, well, yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:I'm just kind of curious, like, um, what in your experience have been some accountability group killers that you've either seen or, you know, as you travel a lot, maybe have heard about?
Heath Hollensbe:Stuff that shifted the focus in really weird ways.
Heath Hollensbe:Well,
Caesar Kalinowski:yeah There's been some crazy stuff about some of it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I write down.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm like, well, I'm preaching that like that's gonna be an illustration I can't believe that's actually happened, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Um a friend of mine and author Jonathan Dotson Uh, he has written a lot about this.
Caesar Kalinowski:He actually has a website gospel center discipleship everything on there's gold and he put together a list of accountability group killers Oh, wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:That I think are really helpful to look at.
Caesar Kalinowski:So let me just reel some of these out.
Caesar Kalinowski:We'll see how many we have time for.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then let's just talk about them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Give me your feedback on them too.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So the first one he says is a killer.
Caesar Kalinowski:He goes, is make your accountability group or circle, uh, or make it a circle of cheap confession by which you obtain cheap peace for your troubled conscience.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, interesting.
Caesar Kalinowski:So like we all go around like I'm supposed to do this and you know, like, well, how'd your week go?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, yeah, this is, you know, I suck this way, you know, I hollered at the kids and I looked at porn and I, yeah, and everybody does that and it's like, okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you sort of like cheat piece cause at least I'm fessing up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But where's the change?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like where's the answer?
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:But somehow you feel better, you know, and there's, there's an, there's an aspect of being transparent, but there's also a big difference is being transformed.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Heath Hollensbe:Well, and like living out of your, call it your identity, right?
Heath Hollensbe:Like reminding of identity versus gospel shaming, whatever.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, so
Caesar Kalinowski:this is, it's a killer though, where it's just a circle of cheap confession with not a lot of change or transformation of the heart and belief systems.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's another one.
Caesar Kalinowski:He says, Ask one another moralistic questions that reinforce moral performance.
Caesar Kalinowski:That'll kill your accountability.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Talk about do to be.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just sit around and ask each other, uh, you know, moralistic questions so that it reinforces your performance based Christianity.
Caesar Kalinowski:That'll kill it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, talk about a meeting you dread going to.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm just getting a little erpy thinking about that because I've been in enough of those.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, me too.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:And even though, by God's grace, our new kind of accountability structure, our DNA group's not going to go there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Man, I hope not.
Caesar Kalinowski:That would break my heart.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah,
Heath Hollensbe:I'd be bouncing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh my goodness.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right, number three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's another one.
Caesar Kalinowski:He says, um, make your group like a time where you just pilfer through God's word for, uh, word.
Caesar Kalinowski:The word of God for an experiential buzz or life connection.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, I never would have considered that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, you know, you've been in those where it's like, man, I was looking in the word today and look at this.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you're like, Oh my gosh, I've never seen that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's the whole thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's the whole, it's the whole itching ears, you know, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:And being tickled sort of thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we even talked a little bit about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, well, I just need to get in the word more.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'm like, listen, man, if it's revelations from the word you want, talk to the spirit and read the word.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we're going to read the word together.
Caesar Kalinowski:But if that's, you know, you can see where that's a killer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Totally.
Caesar Kalinowski:You just kind of, you know, it's that whole like throw a dart at the, at the Bible, you know, like what did it hit?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a word for today.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's a word for you.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a Holy Spirit kind of dart.
Caesar Kalinowski:Open up to
Heath Hollensbe:this page.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ooh, not fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:Man.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Number four.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's another one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, go public with your respectable sins.
Caesar Kalinowski:While cherishing your secret sins.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ooh.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like that'll, that'll, that'll make it useless.
Caesar Kalinowski:That'll make accountability structure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and, and so here's the thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:If we're not going after the heart, if we're not going after the gospel, like what's the thing behind the thing that we need to shift our belief and then accountability to like live in light of that truth?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then that's what we'll do is like, and you'll see we'll even have that challenge coming up because Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I drove 55
Heath Hollensbe:in a
Caesar Kalinowski:50.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're like, yeah, you know, I probably shouldn't have that second beer the other night.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I felt like I was a little grumpy after that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we're like, yeah, me too, bro.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, let's pray for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:But then never mentioning.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Robbed a bank this week.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, I don't.
Caesar Kalinowski:But it's not even that.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not.
Caesar Kalinowski:Usually our sins aren't due things anyway.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're heart issues.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Think about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, if you've been around faith for a while, you're probably not out doing the seven deadly sins every day.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Except for the ones that are heart based.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That'll kill, that'll kill, uh, the value of, and or even the group is just kind of busting out your respectables.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know how we rank sin, but God doesn't?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we'll bust out the ones that don't rank that high, but like, yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, which, and that takes trust, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, I mean.
Caesar Kalinowski:It totally does.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know what?
Caesar Kalinowski:A word, a word to that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Trust takes time to build.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And even though the four of us getting into this DNA group together know each other pretty well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:From Cigar and Theology and just life and ministry together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't expect and I, and I, by God's grace, I won't try to steer us, you know, from my, my one fourth part of this, you know, into like, Oh, we just got to be super intimate right away.
Caesar Kalinowski:And like, like we have to build some trust.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:It could actually be harmful because I'm sure, you know, I've been in, yeah, you jump in and somebody else, you know, I killed a man last night and you're like, I don't even know you.
Heath Hollensbe:This is our first coffee, you know?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:So you got to
Caesar Kalinowski:work into that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, here's another one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, this'll kill your group.
Caesar Kalinowski:And the dynamic of it is knowing your, you know, your accountability partners sins better than you know, your own.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we're quick to like, I love bringing the hammer man, and if I spend, like, we only have an hour to do this, and so if I use up the time making sure everybody else kind of goes over their stuff, because I'm really, I keep a list of their sins, maybe it won't get to my own.
Caesar Kalinowski:And the truth is, I'm not that aware of myself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm more aware of your sin.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:No, that's absolutely right.
Heath Hollensbe:Yikes.
Heath Hollensbe:Man, Jonathan
Caesar Kalinowski:Dodson is nailing it on this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, he's nailing it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thanks, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, here's another one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, passively stand by as your sin slowly puts you to death, meaning you're not really engaged in this.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're kind of doing it for the wrong reason.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You want to be able to tell your pastor or people who ask you, Hey, you're the kind of relationship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh yeah, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I got these guys, you know this guy, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean with Caesar, like, Oh really?
Caesar Kalinowski:I read his book.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:But there's a passiveness to it.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's not a deep engaging.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it's like, you know, even if you're reading something or you're trying to like, Hey, what do you think this is saying to us today?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, as men or as dads or in light of maybe something we talked about last week, you're like, you know, I don't know, man, I'm gonna have to get that some thought.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it's always that, you know, there's no like, boom, the spirit puts something on your heart, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, let's hear it, you know, being reserved in that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, let's go there.
Caesar Kalinowski:So passively standing by as your sin slowly kills your marriage, kills your heart, you know, like, you know, how it is to whatever our, whatever our own brand of sin, it's like besetting sin and we can't get rid of it.
Caesar Kalinowski:If that stuff stays in the dark, it doesn't wither and die.
Caesar Kalinowski:It grows there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:It grows there and being active sin or unbelief sin, that stuff will just grow if we don't get it out.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're absolutely right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And here's the biggest one, okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's the last one that's a killer, and then we'll move to some more positive stuff, is making accountability groups and relationships not so much about Jesus and the gospel,
Caesar Kalinowski:there again about sin management, so not making Jesus central.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like our, our transformation is not even going to come from you and I talking about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But a bunch of bros. Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's going to come because of the gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Jesus is the hero.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:He is.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's got to be our hero.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and we, I mean, good word for us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like I said, this is super timely because we're, we're starting this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Tonight, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so we got to make Jesus in the gospel central to our group, man, or it'll kill it.
Caesar Kalinowski:We, and we won't, and I'll tell you, there won't be transformation and eventually it'll be like, yeah, man, it's just not working out.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm just a little too busy.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, all that stuff.
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:We've all heard it.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:No, you're right.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:I was thinking, um, even as you're, something you said a few minutes ago was that the best accountability is accountability with each other to live in light of what we say we believe in connection to the gospel in every area of life.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Um, and it sounds good, but what does this actually look and sound like in real life?
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Perfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's where I wanted to get to, but I want to kind of give us a few of those questions.
Caesar Kalinowski:So like we said before, accountability is not just sin focused.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's gospel focused.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think the best kind of accountability.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, it's Jesus focused.
Caesar Kalinowski:So instead of just getting together to go through.
Caesar Kalinowski:Each other's list of sin and past promises to stop it or do better.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Checking in to see if you failed or screwed up last week.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I want to challenge us all to seek to check in and how we're doing it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Living in light of what we've said.
Caesar Kalinowski:We believe like you just said about any given topic.
Caesar Kalinowski:So whatever it is, even like if we're doing a study together and we're reading something like, Oh my gosh, that changes my heart towards the father, which then changes how I see my earthly dad and how I parent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:How are you doing at living out that?
Caesar Kalinowski:How's that changing your parenting?
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's, let's look at that kind of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not like, Hey, you've been grumpy with your kids lately.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wrong direction.
Caesar Kalinowski:But like, remember we talked about that and you said that the gospel is changing your perspective of God and how he sees you in light of like, you don't have perfect earthly fathers.
Caesar Kalinowski:None of us did.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know this group well enough, none of us did, but I've never met anybody who had a perfect one yet.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, but like we could go after that kind of stuff or we could go after the heart change that the gospel is bringing and check in on that kind of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, whatever the topic or situation is or area of sin or fear in our life or like I'm stressing out about this or that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You see when we're, when we're just acting as each other's sin police, then what happens is when I see you coming my way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or when we get together for our accountability group or like, let's just say we're in our dinners, our family's having dinner together or we're having a barbecue or whatever, I'm already like, Oh, he's going to ask me if I looked at porn this week or if I made it to the gym as much as I promised I would, you know, trying to get healthier or, or whatever my last big failure was that I confessed, I'm going to think, Oh, he's going to ask me, you know, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's icky and weird right away.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it causes division and hiding instead of hope and unity.
Caesar Kalinowski:Trust and gratitude, but if accountability is gospel centered, then my greatest concern is not how you managed your sin this week, but rather was God glorified in how you trusted him and lived in light of what you know to be true of him and what he now says is true of you because, because of Christ, let's see.
Caesar Kalinowski:So here's what it sounds like.
Caesar Kalinowski:So instead of, Hey brother, did you stop doing X, Y, Z this week or did you do X this past week?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Did you do it or did you not do this or whatever?
Caesar Kalinowski:It sounds more like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, Heath, how, how did you do it living out of what we talked about last week, like who God is, God's perfect in this area and what he, you know, and he showed that at the cross in Christ and he says, because of that, this is now true of you as my dearly loved son, you have this authority and privilege, like we're able to experience Jesus as better than X, Y, Z, and find your fulfillment and your refuge in him this week now is still struggling with that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Man, I was super stressed out and pissed off at my boss.
Caesar Kalinowski:I forgot all about that stuff last week.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it's not like, well, why are you so angry?
Caesar Kalinowski:You got to let go and let God, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, we're, it's all like who, who becomes the focus here?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:See the difference?
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:Is, is me and my sin and my effort, the focus that's called law, by the way, there's a whole two thirds of the front half of the Bible about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, or is see how that shifts instead of the focus being on ourselves and our sin, which Jesus already dealt with at the cross, our accountability.
Caesar Kalinowski:Quote unquote is focused on God and His glory and, and just as a reminder to glorify, right, is to magnify what someone's really like.
Caesar Kalinowski:So our lives are to be a glorification of what God's really like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's good news.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if our focus is on how are we doing at living out what we say is true of us and what God says is true of us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then how are we doing at glorifying God?
Caesar Kalinowski:That is a whole different.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a game changer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, and see that's good news And I'm not I'm not gonna be bummed when I see you come on my way and go like hey, man Have you felt freedom this week believing that this is what God says is true of you as his son Like you have that authority man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Are you exercising that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah a little bit.
Caesar Kalinowski:I did, you know, I mean, that's so a whole different world And the ones I've been all different than just you know, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I hope you're I hope you're not sinning, man, you know, I hope you stop doing that, you derp.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, cause then it's, oh, I've been in those groups, man.
Heath Hollensbe:And it's never fun because it goes back to, uh, that do to be, right?
Heath Hollensbe:It seems like to do it the old way or the way that we've always seen it as what did you stop doing really does reinforce that do to be mentality.
Heath Hollensbe:Oh yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And, and it also like it projects this future workspace sanctification and holiness that we know isn't true because it's about the work of Jesus.
Heath Hollensbe:If I just could stop doing
Caesar Kalinowski:that or just start doing that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And even though I was reading the word.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I go, I guess I'm supposed to, the focus isn't on the living word Christ in us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're right.
Caesar Kalinowski:It, it, all that does is reinforce this whole do to be, or is what we do equals who we are, our value, how God will see us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Can I make God happy?
Caesar Kalinowski:He'd be happier if I stopped this.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, God's only concerned with his glory and that's what he wants for us because he knows also when he's most glorified, we're going to have the best life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Absolutely.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're going to have the life he created us for.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, but in order for us to bring this type of gospel centered accountability to one another, we'll need to grow in our own gospel fluency.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:This ability to see and apply the good news of the gospel to, to whatever we're facing or struggling with in life and even stuff we're loving.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, like, wow, man, I'm still stoked about this right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like you got this new job or I'm loving my job.
Caesar Kalinowski:Finally, you know, I finally got in a spot where I feel valued and like I'm using my giftings.
Caesar Kalinowski:Great, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's look at what's the gospel speak into that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Where'd that come from?
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so we've got to grow in our ability to do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that way, when we check in with each other, we're able to remind ourselves of what's true of God, his character, all that was accomplished at the cross and our true identity, authority, and privilege in Christ.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that sets us free, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:That type of accountability is actually good news, and it's less about submission to another person or a new law.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's about living in light of the gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I love, and I need to be reminded of the truth all the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:So I welcome that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not going to ever be bummed when I'm being reminded of the gospel and the, and the, uh, identity that's mine and the authority and privilege that's mine.
Caesar Kalinowski:So instead of hiding or only sharing the less bad parts of my life.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can, I, I can let it out there because I want, I want it to come under the good news.
Caesar Kalinowski:I want to be good newsed.
Caesar Kalinowski:Exactly.
Heath Hollensbe:And we need that, right?
Heath Hollensbe:Totally.
Heath Hollensbe:It reminds me too, just as you were talking about a couple episodes that kind of tie in a bit to what we're talking about now.
Heath Hollensbe:And, uh, it's like the four G's.
Heath Hollensbe:Oh yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:That'd be super helpful for folks.
Heath Hollensbe:So we have an episode, uh, what causes sin and how to stop it.
Heath Hollensbe:That would be.
Heath Hollensbe:Really a good like
Caesar Kalinowski:a
Heath Hollensbe:baseline
Caesar Kalinowski:you want to bet we talked about the four G's a lot in our DNA group Yeah, sure cuz it's so free.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, such a focus on God's
Heath Hollensbe:character and what's true of us, right?
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, which also leads to the the four questions episode how a better understanding of the gospel transforms your life So yeah, that was way back at 110
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah,
Heath Hollensbe:one of the first episodes we ever did.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, so scroll way
Caesar Kalinowski:back on the site,
Heath Hollensbe:yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, it seems like we could keep going on and on and on talking about this.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, for sure.
Heath Hollensbe:But we're, you know, we're out of time.
Heath Hollensbe:And we always do want to leave with the big three takeaways from today's topic.
Heath Hollensbe:If nothing else, things that you don't want to miss.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And, by the way, you can get a printable PDF of this week's Big Three as a free download by going to everydaydisciple.
Heath Hollensbe:com forward slash big three right now.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:But Caesar, would you give us a big three for this week?
Heath Hollensbe:I'd
Caesar Kalinowski:love to.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's the big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:First one, doing life with others who know you well enough to understand where your unbelief in the gospel is hiding is key to true accountability relationships.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Remember discipleship is that process of helping each other move from unbelief to belief.
Caesar Kalinowski:In light of the gospel in every area of life So let your accountability relationships include discipleship the nurturing of each other's hearts And accountability to live in light of the truth.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, that's great.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second one here.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, don't miss this.
Caesar Kalinowski:God's not focused on your sin because he's already dealt with it at the cross.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm. And he no longer wants us focused on it either.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we don't have to just come together and just hash through it, hash through it and you know, feel like it's forgiven.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Do you believe that all your sins have been forgiven?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like that's key.
Caesar Kalinowski:Come to your accountability groups believing that all of it's been forgiven.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm. Do you believe that's what the Bible teaches that?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's true.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, it is.
Caesar Kalinowski:It teaches that here's something else.
Caesar Kalinowski:The Bible teaches that sin is actually the unbelief about God that leads to the actions and feeling or emotions that are not in line with his glory.
Caesar Kalinowski:Do you believe that is Senate still action in your mind?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or is it the unbelief that Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's, that is so important.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a game changer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:If we're, and it's so important if we're going to experience true gospel centered accountability with, with each other.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And the third one here is, um, accountability with others is built on trust and understanding, and this takes time together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:It requires you to actually be in the normal life rhythms of those you're accountable to and vice versa.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if you're not doing life together, It's just too easy to hide or lie or minimize what's really going on in our lives.
Caesar Kalinowski:So accountability, just like true discipleship, and I'd say that DNA groups are a part of disciple making, they take time and they take an investment of our lives in the lives of others and not just for like an hour to a week.
Caesar Kalinowski:So good, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, so that's, that's just the reality of it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't have to hate on accountability or hide from it, but we want to have gospel centered accountability.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah,
Heath Hollensbe:absolutely.
Heath Hollensbe:Otherwise, it's not worth doing it.
Caesar Kalinowski:So man, looking forward to tonight.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, I'll see you tonight.
Heath Hollensbe:And for everyone else, we'll see you next Monday, because time's up.
Heath Hollensbe:Thanks for joining us today.
Heath Hollensbe:For more information on this show, and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit EverydayDisciple.
Heath Hollensbe:com.
Heath Hollensbe:And remember, you really can live with the spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.