Beyond Offense: Sharing Our Faith and Restoring Relationships
We’ve all had attempts at sharing our faith not turn out as well as we hoped. And sometimes, despite our good intentions, the other person ends up offended. Was it our fault, or did they just not want to hear it?
In this episode of the Everyday Disciple Podcast, Caesar will give you 7 ways to begin again after you’ve offended someone while sharing your faith or religious beliefs.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- You’ll hear the story of Caesar’s friend who blew it with everyone in his neighborhood and how he began to repair things. (An extraordinary rebound!)
- How to begin to rebuild trust with an offended person.
- Why and how to apologize in a way that reflects what Jesus is like.
- 7 important things to remember when starting over with someone.
From this episode:
“Starting over with sharing your faith should start where things should have started in the first place… helping people in our lives see God’s love, patience, pursuit and care. Helping them see his heart and move closer to him. Our goal is not just for that person to like us or think we’re great, our hope and goal is that our lives, our words and actions would glorify God.”
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
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Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Coaching with Caesar and Tina in discipleship and missional living.
Free Discipleship and Missional Resources
Transcript
The best thing that can happen is when someone comes up and asks you a specific question that requires a Gospel explanation or a Jesus answer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, you know, like when someone asks why your marriage is the way it is, it seems strong and you guys have been through a lot, I know, but you, you know, you speak truth, but then you, you fight and you forgive and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, how did you learn to do that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or they ask you, how'd you raise your kids to be so nice, respectful?
Caesar Kalinowski:They're loving, they're awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:How'd you do that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or, Why do you live with an open home?
Caesar Kalinowski:It seems like you, you're always ready for people and you just throw parties and you're always kind of available, like for people, like, why do you live this way?
Caesar Kalinowski:See, that opens the door.
Caesar Kalinowski:that's what it means to live in such a way that, you know, our lives require a Gospel explanation.
Announcer:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Announcer:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Announcer:This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Announcer:And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, hey.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here we are.
Caesar Kalinowski:Back together again.
Caesar Kalinowski:Awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thanks for being here.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hope you're having a great day so far.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I've actually had a gr a really great day.
Caesar Kalinowski:It started off awesome last night.
Caesar Kalinowski:A couple of, my grown kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:I have three, Tina and I have three.
Caesar Kalinowski:both our daughters, so the younger.
Caesar Kalinowski:The youngest two kids, and a couple of our grandkids came over, plus another friend of the family who was in town visiting.
Caesar Kalinowski:They also ended up spending the night last night.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was so fun and just sort of impromptu, kind of came together all last minute kinda and off we, you know, went and, it was very simple yet it.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was meaningful, it really was just because, I don't know, we love being together and it really is such a picture of the Gospel when we come together around the table like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And this friend from out of town, is a little bit different place in their life as far as faith and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it was really just great to be with her and get to love on her and speak hope and, you know, beauty into her and she's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anyway, it was great and uh, I love that kind of stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll, any chance we get, we get to do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:In fact, uh, my grandkids will be back over spending the night tonight again for some different reason.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, , Hey, I wanted to go ahead and read a review that came in, like we try to do when we have time to do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:this one came in f it's a, the name on the little, uh, Review said freed c I think that might be Karen.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ah, let's see.
Caesar Kalinowski:A little shout out to you if it's the right person and if it's someone else.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, thank you too.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, the headline says, believers for 30 years, we've never heard teaching like this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's pretty nice.
Caesar Kalinowski:Says My husband and I have been changed by listening to everyday Disciple.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our mindset has shifted from me centered.
Caesar Kalinowski:To discipleship focused.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a good way of putting that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, we've been listening ever since we participated in the everyday Disciple challenge a few months ago.
Caesar Kalinowski:That was super fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:There'll be another one of those coming up in a couple months.
Caesar Kalinowski:and we are surprised.
Caesar Kalinowski:Each time we listen to a new podcast, we often have to hit pause because our minds are blown by what we're hearing.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can't believe I've been following Jesus for 30 years and I've missed so much of this.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm so thankful that we found this Everyday Disciple Podcast and this.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're taking steps now towards making disciples because of the practical teaching we're receiving from Caesar.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Is that nice?
Caesar Kalinowski:again, like the one I read last week, it's like as if I wrote it myself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh.
Caesar Kalinowski:and so why do I read those?
Caesar Kalinowski:Because, not cuz they just make us sound great.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'd read a bad one too.
Caesar Kalinowski:If we got got one in I would, that'd be super fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, it's not because it makes me, or this podcast sound so great.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's because.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's important when you leave reviews and ratings and stars like that within that, this one came in through Apple.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, other people see that when they're checking out podcasts and they see things like that, that are well thought out and meaningful.
Caesar Kalinowski:However, sometimes we get little short ones in and they're perfect too.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so it all helps and it's kind of a way of saying, Hey, thanks guys.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thanks Cesar and the team for putting this thing together every week.
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Caesar Kalinowski:If you go to everyday Disciple dot com slash subscribe, there'll be a whole bunch of the most popular players right there, and you can check her out.
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Caesar Kalinowski:There are, however, now I noticed out there in podcast land, there are two other podcasts that have.
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Caesar Kalinowski:I think one of them is disciples plural, and the other one is the everyday Disciple.
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Caesar Kalinowski:all the good stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, so let's get to the topic at hand.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're gonna talk today about sharing your faith after you've offended someone and blown it, you know, like it didn't go whip very well, and you're like, Ooh, how am I ever gonna get back there?
Caesar Kalinowski:Am I gonna ever get another shot at this?
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, maybe depends on, I guess, how you handle it.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's what we're gonna talk about today.
Caesar Kalinowski:we've probably all had situations like this.
Caesar Kalinowski:, we've been trying to share our faith or speak good news or the Gospel or something to somebody, and it doesn't go well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe they're offended, maybe they just ha want nothing to do with it, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:But you, you know, you've had it where it's like, ooh, that, that they seemed kind of offended.
Caesar Kalinowski:They, it didn't it didn't go great.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and for most of us, if we have one of those in our.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then, I'm not joking.
Caesar Kalinowski:It seems like people never share their faith after that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I've talked to so many people that they, well, for one, they're not fluent in the Gospel, so they don't really know how to talk about stuff very well.
Caesar Kalinowski:So they did some sort of canned, weird approach or hammered somebody.
Caesar Kalinowski:It didn't go well, it shouldn't have, cuz that wasn't loving, that wasn't cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:And um, and then after that they never do it again and, Ask 'em why.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're like, well, because you know, people don't wanna be hammered.
Caesar Kalinowski:No one wants to be, this is the term you always hear hit over the head with a bi, a big, huge Bible or whatever, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:And it's like, well when, when's the last time you tried that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, it was like back in high school, or it was in college 30 years ago.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, oh my goodness.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well maybe, maybe it's time to give it a shot again.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, but.
Caesar Kalinowski:This today we're gonna specifically talk about someone in your life that you try to bring up faith or you spoke about your, you know, what you believe or Jesus or whatever, and it didn't go well and maybe the person that ended up offended, um, and what to do about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:So let me tell you a little story on the front end here.
Caesar Kalinowski:I got some friends, uh, Seth and Stacy, and, they grew up, pretty, pretty churched.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, certainly Seth did.
Caesar Kalinowski:He was like multi-generational, you know, pastor's kid and all that., and they kind of ended up in the church, uh, turnstile where they're, you know, doing stuff all the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:they, they told me once on Thursdays they would spend the entire day and evening at the church building.
Caesar Kalinowski:They were super involved in mops, AWANA, uh, evening program, youth group.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, they were helping there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, Sunday was filled with multiple services and other leadership things that they were asked to do.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, they had bible studies.
Caesar Kalinowski:They led, they, they helped organize volunteers.
Caesar Kalinowski:They did special holiday outreach activities.
Caesar Kalinowski:They had to plan that stuff out and work on that on their own time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, at one point, uh, I remember Seth saying he added up and he realized that they had, uh, there had been only four days that month when they had not been at the church building doing something
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anyway, this is just a little backstory.
Caesar Kalinowski:So much for seeking and saving the loss in their neighborhood.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:There was just no time, no time anyway.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, but Seth and Stacy knew that they really did wanna live like missionaries in their own neighborhood.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and, and they ultimately did and became that.
Caesar Kalinowski:But when they were first kind of leaning into this, they had this kind of, uh, overarching problem.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, not longer after they had moved into their new home in, in their new neighborhood, Seth had gone around, uh, door to door.
Caesar Kalinowski:Awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Knocking on people's doors.
Caesar Kalinowski:Quote unquote, evangelizing everyone.
Caesar Kalinowski:He only felt like this is, this is what you do.
Caesar Kalinowski:And he would ask them a series of questions that he had learned from a book and sort of try to trick people into admitting that they had lied at some point in their lives and probably at least, you know, stolen something small, maybe like a pen or a paperclip from work.
Caesar Kalinowski:Did you ever do that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And uh, and then he quote a few verses of the Bible declaring that if they didn't believe in Jesus, um, well, they're gonna go straight hell.
Caesar Kalinowski:And he said that's what he told him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pretty much like, I'd like to give you this Bible and if you don't believe in Jesus, well I just have to, you know, I gotta be honest.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna warn you.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, and after all, they had just confessed themselves that they were liars and thieves, . It was, it was pretty, pretty rough, pretty horrible.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and now while there is some.
Caesar Kalinowski:Degree of truth in this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, we, you know, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Obviously, um, this was not a well received way of helping folks come to know the loving pursuit of God and his son, Jesus.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, most people, Seth told me that, that he knocked on their doors and gave him that the good news, quote unquote, gave him the old thanks, but no thanks and slammed the door
Caesar Kalinowski:So how do you come back from something like, Well, here's what they did.
Caesar Kalinowski:They opened up their lives to people in a new yet really simple way.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is how they actually got started repairing things and building out community.
Caesar Kalinowski:They started grilling out, but they started grilling out instead of like hiding in the backyard on their deck in the front yard.
Caesar Kalinowski:They had both prayed in the spirit, told 'em that's what.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like independently Seth and Stacy prayed, like how do we, what do, how do we go forward?
Caesar Kalinowski:What's like, what do we do, what's next?
Caesar Kalinowski:And he both came back and said, this is kind of crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:Scratch their head.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, I think we're supposed to start grilling.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, oh, cool, cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:But here, here's crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:In the front yard, out in their driveway.
Caesar Kalinowski:So on Fridays, um, as the smells of, you know, burgers and brotts and veggies, uh, you know, made their way out into the neighborhood, people actually started stopping by to talk and see, you know, what's going.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, , this is a little different.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and you know, Seth just invited everyone to who stopped by to grab some food and join in and, you know, right there in the driveway in front of the garage.
Caesar Kalinowski:And he started conversations with an apology for not having been a very good neighbor in the past.
Caesar Kalinowski:We've lived here for four or five years now, he said, and I don't even know your names, I'm really sorry.
Caesar Kalinowski:And everyone was really gracious.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know, he even brought up, you know, remember when I hit your door and I was kind of a jerk at the door and like, man, I'm so sorry for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:That must have made you feel horrible.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And he said everyone was really gracious and they confessed.
Caesar Kalinowski:They hadn't really done any better at being a good neighbor sort of thing, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and they said they, they kinda loved this, getting to know others and hoped that Seth would do this again.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's a, that's a good start, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, over time, as relationships were restored, trust was built and new relationships were built.
Caesar Kalinowski:Seth and Stacy were able to invite several of these neighbors to join them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Regularly and start to have regular meals in the home and get to know each other.
Caesar Kalinowski:And eventually many of them went through the story of God with them together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Which if, if you don't know what that's about, you can kind of Google the podcast and story of God and talk all about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:But it's, it's a way of going through the Bible chronologically and narratively and with questions and it's just powerful and cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so a bunch of their neighbors said, yeah, we would dig that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I can remember when they got to baptize some of those same folks in their backyard.
Caesar Kalinowski:The next.
Caesar Kalinowski:so things can turn around, but even just in like kind of what they did.
Caesar Kalinowski:and how they started to put, you know, things back together and be able to go towards faith again after such a horrible blowing it , you know, uh, at someone's front door.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like that really gives us some insights into how we begin to share our faith after offending people.
Caesar Kalinowski:So here, here are seven things to think about when you offended someone in the past while sharing your faith and, and you sincerely, you know, wanna begin again.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's the first one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Focus on God and his glory, not your own.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's pretty big, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Starting over with sharing your faith should really start where things should have started in the first place.
Caesar Kalinowski:Helping people in our lives see God's love and his patience, and his pursuit and his care.
Caesar Kalinowski:Would you agree?
Caesar Kalinowski:Helping them see his heart.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and helping them move closer to him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our goal is not just for that person to like us or think we're great.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our hope and goal is that our lives, our words and actions would glorify God so, Be it.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you're just trying to share your faith with someone or you're trying to, you know, get, get this cart back on the rails, um, get, make that your focus, that it's, I want God to look good here.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's my, not just for them to be happy with me again, or I, I got through it and they didn't seem mad, so I, now I, you know, I've done my part.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what a good right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Focus on God and his glory, not your own.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, second thing, remember our calling.
Caesar Kalinowski:. Our mission is discipleship.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what it is, helping people move from unbelief to belief.
Caesar Kalinowski:You've heard me say that a zillion times if you listen to the podcast, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's our calling discipleship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our calling is not on getting a person to say a magic Jesus in their heart prayer and then sign 'em up for our sin management program.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's, that's, we've never been called to do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, I know that somehow a lot of us, that's what we were raised to think.
Caesar Kalinowski:And maybe you still think that, but there's, Jesus never says, go do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:He says, go and make disciples and immerse them in their identity.
Caesar Kalinowski:Baptize them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Soak them into their identity.
Caesar Kalinowski:And the name of the Father.
Caesar Kalinowski:The name of the son.
Caesar Kalinowski:Name of the spirit.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what we're up.
Caesar Kalinowski:So remembering that is our goal takes the pressure off.
Caesar Kalinowski:So when you're trying to repair, When you're, you know, a situation and maybe get back to speaking with faith.
Caesar Kalinowski:Focus on God and his glory, not your own.
Caesar Kalinowski:And remember the mission is discipleship.
Caesar Kalinowski:Helping people move from unbelief to belief about God and the Gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's gonna take time.
Caesar Kalinowski:And those are small little cliques cuz there's a million areas of unbelief and, uh, misunderstanding and lies about who God is and who he created them to be.
Caesar Kalinowski:And us.
Caesar Kalinowski:Third thing here, focus first.
Caesar Kalinowski:On the restoration of relationship, not on a sin issue or their religion.
Caesar Kalinowski:You hear that?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's, that's what we wanna, you know, focus on first, is the restoration of that relationship.
Caesar Kalinowski:. So it's not like, well, here it is again.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they're, you know, they're flaunting the fact that they smoke cigarettes or or, you know, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, you don't, don't, you're not gonna make this better by starting to get back into faith with them by focusing on their sin issue or they're from a different faith than you.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you, you, you just have to point that out or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:We talk about invitation and challenge, you know, invitation to your life and time.
Caesar Kalinowski:But challenge comes after we've banked.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like deposited some invitation and trust before we can even, you know, relationally challenge people to the next level.
Caesar Kalinowski:So focus on restoration.
Caesar Kalinowski:Looks like invitation, invitation, invitation.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not saying necessarily an invitation to an event or your church.
Caesar Kalinowski:In fact, I'm saying it's not that, that's, that's a challenge actually for most people.
Caesar Kalinowski:What I'm saying is it's invitation to your life, to time to spend more time with you, to rebuild trust and, and ask yourself, have you built enough trust?
Caesar Kalinowski:in that relationship.
Caesar Kalinowski:To even go back to discussing faith, that's a tough, that's a tough topic, and people kind of get a little extra weird weirded out, especially if we weirded them out.
Caesar Kalinowski:right?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's kind of like this.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's almost like sometimes we, we go and talk to people.
Caesar Kalinowski:So there again, this is probably good advice for even just how to share your faith, but, but certainly when trying to repair something or restore something, um, and you're focusing on that restoration, but imagine this, like you're on your first date with someone.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, so if you're married now, think back, you know, way long ago or whatever, when you know you're first dating and.
Caesar Kalinowski:on your first date, you ask someone like, Hey, this seems to be going good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Would you like to start picking out some kids' names?
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoa, it's just too much, too fast.
Caesar Kalinowski:You haven't built any trust there.
Caesar Kalinowski:What?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's date one, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:So you're, by focusing on restoration of relationship, you're gonna slow down.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're gonna take your time and, and, and seek to build trust.
Caesar Kalinowski:Invitation, invitation, invitation.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:So that's the third thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Fourth, humble yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Humble yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:And this starts by remembering that God's forgiven you for your offenses.
Caesar Kalinowski:So even if you know you blew it, like I blew it, like I just wasn't loving, it wasn't the right timing.
Caesar Kalinowski:What I said ca just was weird or harsh.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or like my buddy, you know, like, well listen, I'm here to tell you if you don't do this, you're going straight to hell.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's I have to tell you, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:But remember God has forgiven us.
Caesar Kalinowski:For all of our offenses, including wacky stuff like that, that we've said to people to turn them off from him, but he's also forgiven them of their sins too, that he has so we can relax like, okay, Jesus has already done it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So when we humble ourselves, start to seek forgiveness, it's a great picture of what Jesus is like, and that's a good place to star just, just by doing.
Caesar Kalinowski:So maybe the way we quote, start to talk about faith is to bring up like, wow, you know, yesterday or a month ago or last time we talked, or who knows, it could have been longer than that year ago or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I need to, I need to, you know, apologize, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Humbling ourselves is a great place to start.
Caesar Kalinowski:Think about Jesus and how humble he was.
Caesar Kalinowski:Second Corinthians eight, nine, for you've experienced the extravagant grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that although he was infinitely rich, he impoverished himself for our sake, so that by his poverty we become rich beyond measure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And Philippians two, eight being found in appearance as a man.
Caesar Kalinowski:So being a a guy, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that humbling ourselves is a great place when it comes to the opening of our mouth.
Caesar Kalinowski:Remember we, you know, we talked about, okay, first we wanna remember to focus on God and his glory not our own, uh, remember discipleship, that's long term.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's, that's our calling And, and, and, and keeping restoration as our initial goal.
Caesar Kalinowski:How, how, so how do you start to open your mouth?
Caesar Kalinowski:Through humility?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Through humility.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:. So that's gonna mean probably apologizing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if you don't feel like, well, I don't think I need to apologize, but I wanna, I still want to talk to him.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're probably not ready then.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're probably not ready to bring up faith again or go there.
Caesar Kalinowski:So what's a real apology sound like?
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, here's, let me just give you a little thought.
Caesar Kalinowski:The word apology means, here's the definition.
Caesar Kalinowski:A regretful acknowledgement of an offense or failure.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whoa.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:A regretful acknowledgement of an.
Caesar Kalinowski:offense a failure, I failed you in that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I didn't love you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, so when we apologize, when we give a regretful acknowledgement of an offense or failure that we've committed, you know, against someone else, it's a huge act of humility.
Caesar Kalinowski:Think about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:To go to someone and say, I screwed this up and I know it hurt you in this way.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's really humbling.
Caesar Kalinowski:And humility is one of the chief marks of Christ in our.
Caesar Kalinowski:life I would hope, and if it's not, then we're probably need to keep our mouths closed.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now here's some tips real quick on making a real apology.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Acknowledgement that you understand how the person must have felt or, or maybe even suffered a bit.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Acknowledge that you understand how you made them feel.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Next.
Caesar Kalinowski:Express remorse by actually saying I'm sorry, or I apologize as well as.
Caesar Kalinowski:regret and express your regret by saying, I feel terrible, or I really regret that, or what I said and how that went accept responsibility by, by actually saying that, you know, I take full responsibility for how that went.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I really do.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, uh, I, I just don't, I don't feel good about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'm truly sorry.
Caesar Kalinowski:I shouldn't have spoken in that way.
Caesar Kalinowski:. Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:. And then ask the person for forgiveness.
Caesar Kalinowski:Some folks have never asked anyone for forgiveness, like, just don't do it.
Caesar Kalinowski:But like, that's a gr this, there again, we're trying to repair something and we're trying to get back to where we could have discussions about faith.
Caesar Kalinowski:accept the responsibility and then say, could you forgive me for that?
Caesar Kalinowski:That is so humble, and I've never had anybody say, no, I won't.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now, equally important to what you do or say is what you don't do or say when you're making an apology.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's this quote, old quote by Benjamin Franklin says, never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, so, uh, here's a couple of points on that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Justifying your words or actions by defending your behavior.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, I'm sorry you felt bad by what I said to you, but I did it for the right reasons.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:don't see now that's back to being about you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, that's about your glory.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, or don't do this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Blaming your victim for any or all of what you did.
Caesar Kalinowski:Saying something like, well, if you weren't living this way or doing this or that, I wouldn't feel the need to address it with you and tell you what the Bible has to say.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:No, don't say anything like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, don't make excuses.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, you know, I was, I was in a hurry that day and I should have just slowed down, explained things better.
Caesar Kalinowski:Nope.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't minimize or downplay the consequences of your actions or words by saying, well, I'm sorry if I upset you.
Caesar Kalinowski:See, not sorry for what I did.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm sorry.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm sorry you were upset.
Caesar Kalinowski:No, that's icky.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, so don't do that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Humble yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:Make a real apology.
Caesar Kalinowski:Seek forgiveness.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a, that's a powerful thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:I actually did a full episode on this, uh, episode number 1 41, how to Apologize the right and wrong way.
Caesar Kalinowski:We'll get way deeper into this for all kinds of situations, but I'm giving you this today connected to how do we get back to being able to share our faith After blowing it was someone, okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's a good place.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's number five.
Caesar Kalinowski:When you feel that you may be ready to talk about your faith with folks again, watch the shoulds and need tos.
Caesar Kalinowski:This kind of flows right out.
Caesar Kalinowski:The last one, it has so much to do with our heart posture, but we, you know, we, we talk a lot about this on the show that there's no should or shouldnt.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or supposed tos in the Gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's, there's, there's, you get to, or you need not, but there's no shoulds, so.
Caesar Kalinowski:In trying to restore a relationship and trying to get back to where you can talk to people about their faith, watch your shoulds.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, you or shouldn't.
Caesar Kalinowski:You, you, you shouldn't be doing that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You really shouldn't.
Caesar Kalinowski:You shouldn't be, you know, in that relationship, or you shouldn't fill in the blank.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whatever it is that you know, you feel is the inpardonable sin.
Caesar Kalinowski:See, we, we look at the actions of people.
Caesar Kalinowski:And think that's the sin where really it's the heart behind it.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what scripture teaches.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not the action that's just a symptom that just shows what's in our hearts, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And so that's where we get into these shoulds or you Well, you need to and, and certainly we want a person to come to faith and know Christ deeply and experience everything he has for them.
Caesar Kalinowski:But you gotta watch your shoulds and shouldn'ts.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right, and you need to, and well, if you just that, that puts people back on their heels, it doesn't matter what comes after that.
Caesar Kalinowski:So stop shoulding all over people.
Caesar Kalinowski:, you've heard me say that before.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Number six, you might need to wait for the other person to bring up a topic that requires you to actually go there or asks a question about your faith.
Caesar Kalinowski:You might have to, if you've blown it and you know they were kind of offended, you might.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, some of these other steps seek, you know, apology, maybe stop there, seek restoration, build, you know, invitation, invitation, invitation.
Caesar Kalinowski:Build some trust.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, but you might need to wait for the other person to bring the topic up.
Caesar Kalinowski:And remember the first step again, this is about God and his glory.
Caesar Kalinowski:So make your response one that helps them understand God's heart and love for them.
Caesar Kalinowski:So when they're, they, bring it up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't seek to correct them or point out why their view on something or because they believe something different than you is wrong.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ultimately, you wanna live in such a way that your life, your words, your actions require a Gospel explanation.
Caesar Kalinowski:See the right.
Caesar Kalinowski:The best thing that can happen is when someone comes up and asks you.
Caesar Kalinowski:A specific question that requires a Gospel explanation or a Jesus answer.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, you know, like when someone asks why your marriage is the way it is, it seems strong, and you guys have been through a lot.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know, but you, you know, you speak truth, but then you, you fight and you forgive and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, how did you learn to do that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or they ask you, how'd you raise your kids to be so nice, respectful?
Caesar Kalinowski:They're loving.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:How'd you do that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or, or why do you live with an open home?
Caesar Kalinowski:It seems like you, you're always ready for people and you just throw parties and you're always kind of available, like for people, like, why do you live this way?
Caesar Kalinowski:See, that opens the door.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's, that's what it means to live in such a way that, you know, our lives require a Gospel explanation.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wouldn't that be awesome?
Caesar Kalinowski:And so combine that with some of these other ones we've been talking about steps and you can see how that's, that's gonna maybe start to mend things and, and give you an opportunity to say, well, okay, you know, I.
Caesar Kalinowski:I've, I've, I don't wanna blow this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let me, and I don't want to go all heavy, crazy, your religion on you or anything here, but a big part of why, you know, our marriage is this way or our kids have come up this way is, is because of our faith and because how God has treated us and loves us, and it's so gentle and respectful and forgiving and, and we've tried to be that we have our kids, but we blow it or like, whatever, see what I'm saying?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's a different tone when they ask and, and you're, you're given an honest response versus you're trying to correct somebody or fix 'em.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And here's number.
Caesar Kalinowski:And this is kind of, this is one of my favorite ways to start to open a person's mind to the realities of the Gospel or who God is, who he's made them to be.
Caesar Kalinowski:It is to point out how someone, something about that person or something they did is a lot like Jesus . I love doing that.
Caesar Kalinowski:I've talked about this before on the podcast.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm certain of it, you know, every person that you know.
Caesar Kalinowski:Is an image bearer of our great God, including the person that you've tried to share faith with or whatever, and it hasn't gone well.
Caesar Kalinowski:So look for the ways that that person is displaying some attribute of God and and point that out to them in a way that's natural and not churchy.
Caesar Kalinowski:Think about all that Jesus accomplished through his life, death, and resurrection.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if someone reminds you of any of that, let them know.
Caesar Kalinowski:And thank.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, like we've, this is, I love doing this.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I had a guy once who, uh, in my life who, uh, was, he was like, I knew him through business and he managed apartments and, and we had a bunch of apartment units and this, and, you know, rentals and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And this guy, you know, we had talked about faith and stuff, but he was, He was, I think, a stated atheist, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:But he really liked me.
Caesar Kalinowski:He, he was leaning in, I, I would consider him a person of peace back then.
Caesar Kalinowski:Spent a lot of time with him.
Caesar Kalinowski:And one, uh, he was always going out of his way to, to take time to explain how he did things in his business and why he did 'em the way he did.
Caesar Kalinowski:And he was really smart.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and so what sort of, in light of this, trying to point out, you know, how someone's.
Caesar Kalinowski:Kinda show me what God's like in a certain way.
Caesar Kalinowski:I said to him, I said, Greg, you, um, man, thank you for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's so helpful.
Caesar Kalinowski:But I just wanna point out, you do this a lot to me.
Caesar Kalinowski:You have great wisdom.
Caesar Kalinowski:You do.
Caesar Kalinowski:You just have great wisdom the way you treat people, the way you ch, you know, choose to treat your customers and your renters.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's, it's beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, I.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think true wisdom comes from God.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like he's the source.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, we've talked about my faith a little bit before.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I think he's the true source of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:You have a lot of wisdom and, and you, you, you offer it freely, but in a cool way.
Caesar Kalinowski:You never shove it down my throat or anything like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:So thanks for that, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:He really, that's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, he was like, well, I don't, I just don't, I, I mean, I don't know.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, it's just good business and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and then he went on to like, you know, for another 30 minutes to gimme a bunch of other really good, wise advice, you know.
Caesar Kalinowski:I could give you a lot of stories like that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Isn't it beautiful though when our hearts are tuned to look at people knowing their image bears and then seek to look for the way that God's image, his glory, what he's really like, still leaks outta people.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not just Christians that glorify God, God's image bears, uh, even the rocks cry out.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is God.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is what he's like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Look at the planet.
Caesar Kalinowski:Look at the stars.
Caesar Kalinowski:Look at the wind in the waves.
Caesar Kalinowski:Look at, oh, that sunset.
Caesar Kalinowski:Look at that baby.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Every bit of God's creation can glorify him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why not point that out?
Caesar Kalinowski:That is a beautiful way to kind of get back into talking about your faith, especially after blowing it
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:I hope that's helpful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, we could go on and on and on about this stuff, but I, I think you kind of get the idea there.
Caesar Kalinowski:That should get you started.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pray about this, ask the spirit to guide you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Be humble.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're gonna be fine.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:So let me give you the big three for today.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let me just kind of give you big three pieces of that that I wouldn't want you to miss.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it's not really a summary, it's kind of the big three things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, and we do this every episode, you know, and, uh, if you would like to, uh, get a downloadable like copy of this, I'm gonna give you the big three here.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll send you a pdf.
Caesar Kalinowski:All you have to do is go to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three and, and I'll just ship it right to your inbox.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's the big three for this week.
Caesar Kalinowski:First, focus on God and His glory, not your own.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't miss that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Starting over with sharing your faith really should start where things should have started in the first place.
Caesar Kalinowski:Helping people in our lives see God's.
Caesar Kalinowski:Patience, pursuit and care.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what you're after.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ah-huh.
Caesar Kalinowski:. That's what we're after.
Caesar Kalinowski:Helping them see his heart and move closer to him, not to win an argument or prove their religions wrong, or that's so sinful, or here's what the Bible says about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:No.
Caesar Kalinowski:Helping them see his heart and move closer to him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our goal is not just for that person to like us or think we're great, like they're trying to repair that like, oh, now they're happy with me again.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our hope and goal is that our lives, our words and our actions would glorify God, which show them what he's.
Caesar Kalinowski:Here's the second thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't miss this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Approaching the topic of faith or even including aspects of your faith in a conversation with someone after you've offended them, really requires humility.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And humility is of a huge picture of Jesus.
Caesar Kalinowski:Starting with an apology is a great place to start.
Caesar Kalinowski:Apologize from a genuine desire to seek their forgiveness and restore relationship.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and really resist the need to explain what you did and why you said what you did, and make excuses from the past.
Caesar Kalinowski:Make your apology about them, not a defense of yourself.
Caesar Kalinowski:And here's number three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Remember our calling.
Caesar Kalinowski:Our mission as Christians as the church is discipleship.
Caesar Kalinowski:. Jesus already died for everyone's sins and he took the punishment we all deserved.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now he's seeking a relationship with us where we experience his life of freedom and relational peace with the Father and with others.
Caesar Kalinowski:He, he's not calling us to a sin management program or a series of behavioral modifications.
Caesar Kalinowski:He loves us and wants us to help others move from unbelief to belief in the truth of his good news, Gospel in all of life.
Caesar Kalinowski:So let's be on the same mission as Jesus, and that's what he's after.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's be on that same mission,
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:So there's your big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:. Remember, you can get that as a download if you want it.
Caesar Kalinowski:So you can use it as talking points.
Caesar Kalinowski:Remind yourself of this, maybe share this with others.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just go to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three and we'll send her off to you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright, well that's about it for today.
Caesar Kalinowski:I hope that's been good.
Caesar Kalinowski:Join me next week.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna be asking this question.
Caesar Kalinowski:Are your church elders.
Caesar Kalinowski:Really deacons, not elders.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're functioning really more like deacons.
Caesar Kalinowski:What's the difference in how can you know if you have true biblical elders?
Caesar Kalinowski:Or maybe in reality you have a group of deacons with the title of elder.
Caesar Kalinowski:Interesting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Huh.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's important too, and it, it can cause a lot of challenges within a church body or for the staff, or maybe for you as the pastor or, or.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:I sure hope you'll join me for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Give her a listen.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll talk to you soon.
Announcer:Thanks for joining us today.
Announcer:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember, you really can live with the spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.