10 Secrets to Growing Deeper Friendships
Building strong relationships of trust is a key factor in discipleship. But many of us are not good at building friendships, or we seem too busy in our lives to make the investment of time that it takes.
In this episode of the Everyday Disciple Podcast, join me as I mine the wisdom of author Twyla Franz and uncover practical ways to start growing deeper friendships today.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- How friendships and trust are the pathways for disciple-making.
- Why openness and vulnerability don’t have to be scary.
- How “divine interruptions” are opportunities to connect and share life.
- 10 secrets to growing deeper friendships that transform relationships.
From this episode:
“The #1 thing we all have in common, and it makes for great common ground, is our need for Jesus and the transformation his life brings to ours. Let your redemption show! Don’t hide your screw-ups. When people see and hear that you are not perfect, it allows them to live openly around you and be honest too. Honesty like this builds trust in a relationship.“
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion!
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Also, please subscribe and leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.
Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Coaching with Caesar and Tina in discipleship and missional living.
Free Download of the Big 3 For Episode #404
Twyla’s Blog: The Uncommon Normal
Everyday Disciple: FREE Discipleship Resources and Training.
Transcript
Yeah.
Caesar:We say like a mile wide in an inch deep , you know, mm-hmm right.
Caesar:A lot of people say I got so many friends.
Caesar:How many of them have you been vulnerable to and let let them in.
Caesar:And you know, we have a phrase around here.
Caesar:We say, let your redemption show.
Caesar:And that's what you're speaking to.
Caesar:You're speaking to vulnerability here, and it you're a hundred percent agree with you, SIS, that when we are that way, it actually helps others feel safe and wanna be that way as well.
Announcer:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast where you'll learn how to.
Announcer:Greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Announcer:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle, this is the stuff your parents, pastors, and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Announcer:And now here's your host Caesar.
Announcer:Kalinowski.
Caesar:All right.
Caesar:Good to be here.
Caesar:Good to be back with you.
Caesar:Hope you are having a great day and maybe a great week so far.
Caesar:I am.
Caesar:We're doing good.
Caesar:I don't know.
Caesar:Last week or a couple weeks back on the, on the, uh, podcast.
Caesar:I mentioned that I was doing pretty good, but I hadn't been feeling so great.
Caesar:And anyway, I had forgotten all about that, but one of my friends, uh, recently asked me, so how are you feeling?
Caesar:Uh, I'm feeling good.
Caesar:I'm like, what was wrong?
Caesar:It's like, oh, on the, on the podcast, you said you weren't feeling so good.
Caesar:Like, oh, how long ago was that?
Caesar:Anyway, I hope you guys are doing great Hey, if you've not joined us yet on Facebook, would you please do that?
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Caesar:Um, all you have to do is go to everyday Disciple dot com slash Facebook and, uh, enjoying the group.
Caesar:Would you do that?
Caesar:And if you're a long time listener, I wanna tell you how much we appreciate that.
Caesar:and having you trust.
Caesar:Me and, Heath and, being a part of this whole thing, it's for you that we do it and we stay encouraged.
Caesar:And the more we hear from you, the more I hear from you, the more we can interact, you know, especially in that Facebook group it really means a lot and it's encouraging, we get show ideas from all that.
Caesar:So I just wanna say thanks and ask you a favor to like, Check in once in a while, right?
Caesar:Hit the group up.
Caesar:See, what's going on.
Caesar:Share the episode out.
Caesar:You know, if everybody who's hearing my voice right now was to take, you know, like the 10 or 20 seconds, whatever, to go over to Facebook and go into the group and share out the latest episode to their friends.
Caesar:We could really start to see this thing grow and bless a lot more people.
Caesar:I would love that.
Caesar:All right so here let's get down to business today.
Caesar:Now.
Caesar:Uh, I have a very special guest on the show and in fact, this is the only person who's ever been, uh, twice.
Caesar:A guest on the podcast, right?
Caesar:Her name's Twyla Franz.
Caesar:she writes blog that I love called the uncommon normal.
Caesar:And she was, on several months back.
Caesar:It was episode 2 47.
Caesar:Uh, maybe you remember her.
Caesar:Uh, it was, that episode was called neighborhood Missional, living for the imperfectly ready.
Caesar:And just by that title, which came from her, you can tell her heart and that.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:And I, I just find that Twyla is extremely articulate and fun and she's smart.
Caesar:And I love the way that her and her family and community are leaning into Missional living and how she's helping others do that by articulating what they're learning and, and what they're doing and all that.
Caesar:So today I want you to hear a conversation I had with her about 10 secrets to growing deeper friendships.
Caesar:So she had written a blog post about this topic and I loved it.
Caesar:And so instead of just yanking it and talking about it, I thought I'd ask her to come on the show and talk about this with me and with all of you.
Caesar:So take a listen.
Caesar:Now you're gonna love this.
Caesar:And then I'll come on back to wrap up things and give you my big three for the day.
Caesar:Here we go.
Caesar:Hey Twyla.
Caesar:Thank you so much for being back on my first, ever second time guest on the podcast.
Caesar:Woo.
Twyla:Thank you Caesar.
Twyla:It's such an honor to be here.
Twyla:Thank you.
Twyla:I really appreciate
Caesar:it.
Caesar:You are great.
Caesar:And thanks for doing this again with me.
Caesar:I get your posts and hear your podcast and, and I'm always enamored with your voice and your heart behind it all.
Caesar:And I think we're saying a lot of the same things, except for I'm a really old buck and you're a mom raising babies.
Caesar:So, you know, I want more of your voice.
Caesar:Out there, period, but also to our tribe, to the folks that follow, uh, what I'm talking about and the podcast here.
Caesar:So thanks.
Caesar:Yeah.
Caesar:It's gonna be.
Twyla:Thank you.
Twyla:I'm very excited to
Caesar:be here.
Caesar:Awesome.
Caesar:So I recently got, uh, an email from you saying, Hey, I got this new post on, uh, growing, you know, friendships and how to take your friendships deeper.
Caesar:And I read through it and I was like, oh my gosh, I love this.
Caesar:And you were, uh, awesome to be able to come on and talk through it with me.
Caesar:So that's what we're gonna talk about today.
Caesar:We're gonna talk about 10 secrets to growing deeper friendships.
Caesar:And I think some of this stuff.
Caesar:Maybe maybe was, is gonna hit people like, yeah, well, no kidding, but I, but we don't do it.
Caesar:and I think some of it's gonna be like, wow, I never really thought of it that way.
Caesar:And that's part of, you know, why I wanted to have you on your voice.
Caesar:So, how about we dive right in?
Caesar:We got 10 to go and I wanna talk through these and, uh, give people a bunch of information on how to, you know, grow their friendships.
Caesar:And, and I guess before we jump in, one last thing I wanna say is why this is so important.
Caesar:Really.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:My listeners have probably heard me say many times that the kingdom of God moves and expands at the speed of relationship mm-hmm and then the Gospel moves along the lines of trust we build within those relationships.
Caesar:And so this.
Caesar:This art of really building and growing deeper relationships to me is so critical to making disciples mm-hmm and I,
Twyla:I definitely
Caesar:agree.
Caesar:Yeah, without it, I don't know how you build the trust to be able to speak truth in love and walk through the hard times with people and challenge 'em on stuff that's needs challenging and.
Caesar:You know, all that, right?
Caesar:So that's why I think, you know, this is super important.
Caesar:So for my, for my listeners, like pay, pay attention to this, don't, don't take this as like, well, I got plenty of friends, even if you only have a handful and those are the ones God's given you for the sake of discipleship and mission learning how to grow them and go deeper in them.
Caesar:Is gonna be key.
Caesar:And if you don't have a lot or you're building new friendships because of the sake of mission, then taking 'em beyond a surface level to something of depth and meaning and trust.
Caesar:That's so important, like we just said, so there you go.
Caesar:That's that's it let's dive in.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:So you've you, you've got 10 really awesome sort of ideas here on ways.
Caesar:And I call 'em the secrets to, uh, growing deeper friendships.
Caesar:So, uh, what's your.
Caesar:Okay.
Twyla:So my first one is to share stories that paint an honest, not a curated picture of yourself.
Twyla:And this is so much easier said than done because we tend to wanna hide behind.
Twyla:This is our best foot forward.
Twyla:This is the first impression that we want people to have of us.
Twyla:And when we can actually show up honest and not try to change the way that people are seeing us, it really lends.
Twyla:It causes you to be brave.
Twyla:And that inspires bravery, I think, in, in other people to actually be real.
Twyla:And that's what we want deep down inside is to really be known and to actually truly connect with other people.
Twyla:And when we live behind these facades, it just stops us short.
Twyla:So we can't actually show up.
Twyla:With the real us.
Twyla:And if we don't let people in our relationships are just gonna stay at the surface level
Caesar:level.
Caesar:Yeah.
Caesar:We say like a mile wide and an inch deep , you know, mm-hmm right.
Caesar:A lot of people say I got so many friends.
Caesar:How many of them have you been vulnerable to and let let them in.
Caesar:And you know, we have a phrase around here.
Caesar:We say, let your redemption show mm-hmm and that's what you're speaking to.
Caesar:You're speaking to vulnerability here and.
Caesar:A hundred percent agree with you, sis that when we are that way, it actually helps others feel safe and wanna be that way as well.
Caesar:We've all experienced that like church, small group, that's kind of just drifting along for months and years, and it's not really that deep or meaningful.
Caesar:And then somebody like.
Caesar:Finally, like drops a bomb and they really open up about something heavy in their life and everybody comes around them and it's like, oh my gosh.
Caesar:And it takes it to the whole next level.
Caesar:right.
Caesar:We had that too, right?
Caesar:Yeah.
Caesar:That's, that's what we're talking about here.
Caesar:You can't manufacture it, but I love what you're saying that if, if we share our own stories, honestly, Not curated, not like our Instagram version of ourselves.
Caesar:It's gonna help others do the same.
Caesar:All right.
Caesar:Mm-hmm , what's your second secret to growing deeper friendships.
Twyla:Okay.
Twyla:My second one is laughing at yourself, builds friendship.
Twyla:And this is one that I got a lot from Alexandra Kuykendall book loving my actual neighbor, and she has a whole chapter that is titled lighten up and.
Twyla:This one quote from her just really resonated with me.
Twyla:I'm pretty sure it's underlined multiple times, um, in my copy of her book.
Twyla:But self-deprecating humor takes away the most potential to offend it.
Twyla:Lets other person know that our desire to laugh with them is more important than our pride.
Twyla:So again, it's kind of coming back to, are we going to lose that pride and be vulnerable?
Twyla:And it just changes the atmosphere when we can, when we can put our, our authentic selves forward, but also not be afraid to just say, okay, well, this is, this is not the best picture of me and it's okay.
Twyla:I'll be the first one to laugh.
Twyla:And just lightening up that mood.
Twyla:It can be really hard for some people.
Twyla:I'm not naturally the most lighthearted person.
Twyla:My kids, um, will have to tell me all the time, like, Hey, don't, don't be so serious.
Twyla:Like you have your serious look on your face.
Twyla:And so I know for me, it's something that I have to be intentional about and I have seen it make a difference though, when I'm like, oh, well, don't feel bad about that because I've done way worse, you know, and just kind of put yourself out there.
Twyla:It's like, yes, mom of the year award.
Twyla:You know, what, what you're talking about.
Twyla:Like, you don't need to be hung up on that.
Twyla:Like it's seriously.
Twyla:Okay.
Twyla:We understand like we are all in those places.
Twyla:Um, and
Caesar:that really goes hand in hand with the first one.
Caesar:Doesn't.
Caesar:It does, you know, you're being authentic, you're being a little bit vulnerable.
Caesar:You're willing to laugh at yourself, which then shows people like this is probably not a crazy judgemental person.
Caesar:I, I feel, I feel a little safer around this person cuz they're mm-hmm, , they're kind of out in themselves and laughing about it.
Caesar:yeah.
Caesar:Yes.
Caesar:It's awesome.
Caesar:That's awesome.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:Number three, you, you said in your post ask questions that cause you so us to lean into their story.
Caesar:I love the spin on that.
Caesar:Mm-hmm what do you mean by that?
Twyla:Okay.
Twyla:So we want to draw out their story.
Twyla:What, what is it about their past and their experiences and all the things that make them tick and their personality and what they're going through right now.
Twyla:Like those are all pieces of really getting to know them.
Twyla:Not everybody is going to just offer up that information.
Twyla:And if you can show that you genuinely want to know that person, and you're asking them questions like, Hey, tell me more about that.
Twyla:Or you mentioned that you're really tired.
Twyla:Like, you know, what what's going on is is your baby not sleeping well, and you don't know what will all come up.
Twyla:If, if you actually pause and show them that you are listening well, and you want to know.
Caesar:Wow.
Caesar:And I don't know about most people, but I, I, I would not put myself on the like top shelf award level of good listeners.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:And I think that's at the heart of, that's like fear of man and love of self.
Caesar:If I'm being honest, mm-hmm, , I'm listening so that I can kind of either come up with the next witty thing or get my point across or something else, you know, I don't know, whatever mm-hmm and I'm not really listening.
Caesar:Like, like what you're saying.
Caesar:So that I can actually lean into their story and build that, that builds empathy.
Caesar:And I that's a, yeah, definitely.
Caesar:That's, that's a gift I'm praying for.
Caesar:a lot more, oh boy, gosh, it's something
Twyla:we, something we all need to work on.
Twyla:And another point that I'd made in this, in this section was to really make sure that your nonverbal communication is lining up with the questions you're asking.
Twyla:So if you're like, Hey, tell me more about that.
Twyla:But you know, you kind of look like you're ready to, to move on or you're glancing at your watch, or you're not really.
Twyla:Engaged, maybe you're not making eye contact or your body stance is not really showing that.
Twyla:That you are fully there and you're listening, then it's going to be a mixed signal and not read the same way.
Caesar:Yeah, for sure.
Caesar:we talk about this in our family a lot and, and doing a fair amount of public speaking.
Caesar:I'm really, really aware of this.
Caesar:Um, years ago I had a friend of mine says, listen, I have a very grumpy resting face and he does.
Caesar:And he, you know, and, and it made me start thinking about it like, oh man, I got, kinda got this crease between.
Caesar:My eyebrows, it makes me look like I'm frowning all the time.
Caesar:Am I ticked off?
Caesar:You know, so I'm very cognizant of like when I'm on videos or when I'm, you know, at, at, you know, in community with people that my resting face doesn't look like I'm ready to explode or whatever.
Caesar:, that's really good.
Caesar:You know?
Caesar:Cause then people been looking at me all night going like, who's that guy looks all super ticked off.
Caesar:Then he comes over and he wants to ask me all these questions and I'm like, oh no, you know, so.
Caesar:All right.
Caesar:Number four.
Caesar:What's what's number
Twyla:four.
Twyla:Okay.
Twyla:Number four is answer the door as you are.
Twyla:Um, and this is another one that's been really.
Twyla:Much of a journey for me to learn personally.
Twyla:I used to honestly not answer the door.
Twyla:If somebody knocked on it, we lived in a small rental house on a busy street and I had two very young girls and we didn't really know any of our neighbors at that point in our life.
Twyla:And so if, if somebody knocked on the door, I would assume it's a salesman or it's somebody that I probably shouldn't answer because I don't, you know, like I just don't know them.
Twyla:I don't know if I can trust them.
Twyla:We didn't really just have anybody stop over.
Twyla:just to say hi.
Twyla:And so that was a very different mentality.
Twyla:When we started living on mission in our neighborhood and having this, we're gonna have our door open and our heart open and our life open to our neighbors.
Twyla:Was just changing that like when somebody knocks on the door, we want, we wanna be available and if I've been doing other stuff and I haven't showered yet, and I, you know, have no makeup on and I just look like the way that I am, can I still be vulnerable enough to open the door and be like, Hey, we're having a lazy morning or I'm actually working really hard.
Twyla:I'm just not showered yet.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:Like, come on in or.
Twyla:When the house is a mess, that's actually the next post that I'm releasing tonight on, on my own stuff is kind of digging into all this, like when your house is a big mess, can you still open the door?
Twyla:And let people see that, like, that can be very, very vulnerable as well.
Twyla:Like how, how do you balance that?
Twyla:You know, my, myself or my stuff, my house is not as presentable as I want it to be, but yet I really want to be welcoming and open and hospitable.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:So I think in, in answering the door, as you are, you can decide the precedent like, Hey, this is a lot more like family than it is just like casual acquaintances.
Twyla:Like you can just know the real me, this is, you know, this is who I am.
Twyla:And I think that just.
Twyla:Helps other people also to relax and to be more comfortable and for yourself as well as your house, like if you walk into a house that everything is immaculate, and maybe it's not as much for somebody that doesn't have young kids, but having young kids, um, from our perspective, if we walk in and everything seems untouchable, like you wouldn't want your kids.
Twyla:To break anything.
Twyla:It just feels like more intense.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:Like, um, you just don't feel like you're at home and we really want our house to not feel like that.
Twyla:So it's not always perfectly clean.
Twyla:It's not perfectly renovated, you know, we're still doing projects.
Twyla:Yep.
Twyla:As we go, but that's a higher priority now to us is, to let people see our space as it is.
Twyla:To have it perfectly manicured before we open that door.
Twyla:I
Caesar:think that everybody actually relaxes into that stuff.
Caesar:They really do.
Caesar:And I loved something you said in there, you said treating people.
Caesar:Like family, not like guests.
Caesar:Mm-hmm, see if it's, if we're a hotel, you know, or like some sort of a business or program then yeah.
Caesar:We gotta have everything spit, shined and ready to go.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:And everything out mm-hmm and all the ice cubes turned, matching the same direction and all that stuff.
Caesar:But family, you don't do that for you're like family, like come on in.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:And so I think this answers the door as you are, is a, is, is a heart posture.
Caesar:As much as this.
Caesar:Physically answer the door.
Caesar:Don't worry about it.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:you know
Twyla:exactly.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:It starts, it starts with your heart and then everything else follows, but definitely has to start
Caesar:there.
Caesar:Yeah.
Caesar:Awesome.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:Number five, this gets down to some real practicality and maybe it's one of those duh things, but it's also for a lot of people, it's like, well, we don't do this.
Caesar:Number five you had was share meals with your neighbors.
Caesar:Mm-hmm for building friendships.
Caesar:No kidding.
Caesar:Right?
Caesar:Yeah,
Twyla:it's, it's fun, so much fun.
Twyla:We have some neighbor, kids that are here often and they often eat lunch with us, or they have tea parties outside, or they either lunch, picnic outside and going from never having.
Twyla:Anybody over for dinner, really?
Twyla:You know, we just had this small house, a small space, a small table, and we're like, well, there's really nowhere to sit anybody.
Twyla:And when that mentality changes and you're like, well, people don't really care necessarily if there's a seat for everybody, like it, doesn't, doesn't really matter.
Twyla:It's so much more fun and it's really great way to get to know neighbors.
Twyla:We've invited, um, quite a few of our neighbors over for a meal, like individually, just, you know, one family with our family.
Twyla:And then, um, pre all of this stuff going crazy.
Twyla:We met every Friday in our home with our Missional Community.
Twyla:Sure.
Twyla:So that is one of our favorite times of the week because.
Twyla:When you can just be real and eat together and catch up, it really makes it seem like this.
Twyla:This is my family.
Caesar:And I wanna underline one thing you said there, you know, as we coach lots and lots of people, and this is always a big thing, like, okay, we need to start having a predictable pattern where you're having sort of an open table kind of thing.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:Mm-hmm just real easy.
Caesar:It's not heavy.
Caesar:You're not trying to get anybody converted or you're just, you're being a good neighbor.
Caesar:Right?
Caesar:Mm-hmm and building relationships.
Caesar:Believing friends and not yet believing friends.
Caesar:we teach on that a lot and what a lot of people are saying right now, like, wow, our open table, like our weekly kind of open meal for the neighborhood just got decimated with the COVID thing I think God is sovereign over all this.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:And, and we get to definitely, but a lot of, I know a lot of people are just sort of going like, well, we kind of threw this thing back in park.
Caesar:And we're just not eating with anybody again.
Caesar:I'm like, no, no, no, you can please do.
Caesar:And so, yeah.
Caesar:Alright.
Caesar:Let's keep going.
Caesar:There's more goodness to come.
Caesar:What's number six.
Caesar:Okay.
Twyla:Number six is stop apologizing and simply be present.
Twyla:Wow.
Twyla:So this, I have not read the whole book.
Twyla:It's one that's on my list.
Twyla:Rachel Hollis wrote girls stop apologizing, and I've heard so many good things about it, but there's a quote that I've seen often.
Twyla:It's time to stop apologizing for who you are.
Twyla:It's time to become who.
Twyla:Who you were made to be.
Twyla:And just this idea that over apologizing can really feel artificial.
Twyla:And it also kind of puts the, our emphasis on ourselves, honestly, because we're paying more attention to what we're saying and how we're being perceived than we are truly leaning into listening.
Twyla:Well.
Caesar:Wow.
Caesar:And I never thought about that.
Caesar:That's crazy.
Caesar:True.
Caesar:I believe it.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:So that's, that's just mostly coming from when I've noticed that, that I'm tending to apologize for everything.
Twyla:You know, like what is, what's the thing beneath the thing where's, where's that coming from?
Twyla:And it's, it is really hard for me to, to be listening well and be focusing on the other person, if I'm, you know, so wrapped up in, oh, I said the wrong thing or.
Twyla:You know, they're gonna take it the wrong way.
Twyla:And so I'm apologizing for all of those things.
Twyla:And then Jeremiah 17, 17 reminds us that, um, when we trust in the Lord, our confidence is in him.
Twyla:And I think that can be really helpful, just sorry, in knowing that God defines our confidence in our identity and it's not what other people think about us, so we don't need to constant.
Twyla:Be over apologizing.
Twyla:That is
Caesar:so critical to all of this.
Caesar:If we are having to build an identity for ourselves and then maintain it and then convince everybody of it and then be ticked off or upset or bummed out when they don't like salute, you know, or raise the flag to it.
Caesar:Mm-hmm, what that's, that's horrible.
Caesar:I mean, I think at the essence of salvation in so many ways here on the planet is this freedom from that this freedom from do to be, and this freedom from trying to keep.
Caesar:All the plates spinning and all the masks in place.
Caesar:And so, yeah, I love that.
Caesar:I love that enough said on that.
Caesar:Wow.
Caesar:Powerful, really powerful.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:Number seven.
Caesar:And a lot of people won't like this one, but this is, I think it's really important for building like deeper friendships and relationships is welcome.
Caesar:Interruptions.
Caesar:Mm-hmm . Tell me about tell me about that.
Twyla:Sure.
Twyla:Um, this has definitely been a growing learning process for me as well.
Twyla:And it, something that I encourage other people to lean into and for, just the way that, I usually write about it, if it's something that feels really intimidating, don't.
Twyla:Don't let that stop.
Twyla:You start with something really small.
Twyla:Like, can I be interruptible all the time and always stop what I'm doing?
Twyla:Probably not.
Twyla:Right, but is there one small thing or one small step, one little nudge that God has given me that I can say yes to.
Twyla:And if there's a knock on the door or if I notice, Hey, my neighbor is picking branches up out of his yard, even if I'm meant to go in and cook dinner right then, well, maybe I can stop and simply help.
Twyla:So that kind of boils down to our heart posture as well, that if we're leading first with the people are the mission and God loves them and he thinks that they are valuable and amazing and incredible that that's gonna change our perspective a little bit, like giving them my time.
Twyla:Is a high value and it's worth it.
Caesar:And I think that is so key to living in light of our servant identity that, you know, we're created in the image of Christ, right?
Caesar:This Trinitarian God, but certainly in Christ, who is a servant who came not to be served, but to serve.
Caesar:And he sends us to do the same.
Caesar:And I think that that posture, like you said, of.
Caesar:Wanting to be open to that.
Caesar:The people are the mission, not us getting our to-do list done every day and all that.
Caesar:And in your post you said something I really loved.
Caesar:It said interruptions are often opportunities to connect and share life and Disciple organically.
Caesar:Mm-hmm almost always.
Caesar:Almost always, they are definitely.
Caesar:And when I, we have found that when you're willing to be interrupted or even interrupt your own self, like with your example of going, helping the neighbor real quick or whatever, mm-hmm, that builds such trust.
Caesar:Like, wow, I I'm sure you didn't have that in your day to day, but boy, that just made my day a lot lighter.
Caesar:Well that builds trust and friendship and, and, and a reciprocity people want to go like, well, how could I help you?
Caesar:You know?
Caesar:And they're open.
Caesar:Yeah, definitely.
Caesar:And I think, I think welcoming interruptions is big that maybe my favorite so far.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:Number eight, the number eight what's number eight.
Twyla:Number eight is the best remedy for inferiority is time spent in God's presence and.
Twyla:This one is also really big for me.
Twyla:I grew up extremely painfully shy, so much that I could not hardly hold a conversation with anybody.
Twyla:And it was slowly as I got older, got easier and easier, and I realized, Hey, I actually am filled with more life when I'm talking to people, even though I do still, you know, prefer some quiet time.
Twyla:so as far as like introvert extrovert, I've realized that I very much straddle.
Twyla:The line in between that.
Twyla:So just part of my own journey through that, and I've realized like, there really is no substitute to.
Twyla:Inferiority complex aside from really spending time with God and letting him tell you who you are, who he created you to be.
Twyla:And, you know, you can just read about it in other books, but unless you actually soak in his presence, I think that it's not going to saturate deep enough to actually change us.
Twyla:And
Caesar:I talked to so many people Twyla that you guys were teaching on prayer or walking with the spirit in light of life and mission and all of it.
Caesar:They're like, yeah, I don't really hear from God.
Caesar:I don't really hear.
Caesar:I'm like how long you been a Christian?
Caesar:Like, no, like my whole life, like, and you don't hear God's voice, like he is waiting to speak love to you and your identity and your authority and, and your privilege and, and how much he cares for you and how, how far ahead of you he is and, and the things he's working out for your, your good and his glory, you know?
Caesar:Yeah.
Caesar:And so, yeah, there is you're right.
Caesar:There's no substitute for spending time in the father's presence and hearing his voice.
Caesar:Of love over us and, and affirming our identity that that would squelch inferiority.
Caesar:Think about it.
Caesar:Sons and daughters of the king of Kings mm-hmm . Wow.
Caesar:Owns it all.
Caesar:That's incredible.
Caesar:And co-heirs with Christ of everything and, and I don't, you know, I don't wanna give it away, but I already read the end of the book.
Caesar:We win.
Caesar:Yay.
Caesar:You know, like all things get restored back to the way God created him to be.
Caesar:And we get to walk with him face to face again forever.
Caesar:It's amazing.
Caesar:We win.
Caesar:So, yeah, it's amazing.
Caesar:Uh, I love that.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:number nine, you said lose the pride and ask for help.
Caesar:And wow.
Caesar:I mean, easier said than done, right?
Caesar:Losing our pride and trying to do it all ourself.
Caesar:Do it all ourself, right?
Caesar:Oh man.
Caesar:Yeah.
Twyla:So, with this one, It's something that we've been coaching our Missional Community in as well, just that we want to lead by example, but then also give them just a gentle push.
Twyla:Like, Hey, if you are cooking something and you are minus one ingredient, Don't drop everything and run to the store, like ask, we will be honored if you ask us.
Twyla:And so we've talked about how vulnerable that can feel to actually admit like, Hey, I don't have all my stuff together.
Twyla:I forgot, you know, that I didn't have an egg and I, and I needed to, to make, or to make this cake or I
Twyla:didn't
Caesar:get that laundry folded.
Caesar:Yeah.
Caesar:And this is, this is supposed to be your family on mission.
Caesar:Could you guys, you guys mind just like folding that up real quick and then shove that basket in my bedroom somewhere, you know, perfect.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:You know, like everybody's like, I could never do it.
Caesar:I, why not?
Caesar:It's family.
Caesar:It's, it's laundry.
Caesar:It's laundry.
Caesar:It's not your identity.
Caesar:It's not like, oh, that's it.
Caesar:You know, we hate you now.
Caesar:Oh my goodness.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:But it's it so grows something in us just choosing that posture of humility and letting people see your real stuff.
Twyla:And, um, it.
Twyla:Not long ago that there was somebody in our neighborhood that we had had this conversation.
Twyla:And she had said, that's just so hard.
Twyla:Like, I can't even imagine doing it.
Twyla:And recently she asked me for vanilla and it made me so happy.
Twyla:Yay.
Twyla:Right.
Twyla:I was like, yeah, I'm doing a happy dance inside.
Twyla:Cause I know how difficult it was for you to ask, but I know what it feels like to actually brave that and, and do it.
Twyla:And, and so that that's exciting.
Caesar:That is, it is good.
Caesar:And that's again, so key to so much of this stuff, right.
Caesar:It really, really is.
Caesar:Okay, here we are arriving number 10, start small, and don't give up.
Caesar:I love that.
Caesar:And, and that might be the bravest thing of all here for people.
Caesar:And, and they'll need to ask the spirit to help give them strength and hope and guidance in this.
Caesar:But yeah.
Caesar:Tell us your thoughts on that.
Caesar:Start small and don't give.
Caesar:okay.
Twyla:So this, I talk often about baby steps, just because it, it really boils it down to, it's not just small steps.
Twyla:Like it can be teeny, teeny, tiny ones, but the direction that we're going in, I think far outweighs the pace.
Twyla:So.
Twyla:If we are too afraid to ever get going, we will never make any progress, but if we can be okay with, I'm just gonna take this teeny tiny baby step, even if it's like a shaky baby step.
Twyla:And I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.
Twyla:Just trusting that if God has stirred my heart to respond to this one specific thing that I'm going to lean.
Twyla:Lean into it and trust that he's gonna be with me and just that, that first baby step.
Twyla:And it may be in being interruptible or in sharing a meal with somebody maybe.
Twyla:You know, instead of inviting them into your house, you share a snack outside in your front yard and that's a baby step for you, but just starting
Caesar:or asking for help if for the first time
Twyla:ever.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:Asking for help.
Twyla:Yeah.
Twyla:Um, but just starting, starting small and not overthinking it, not over complicating it.
Twyla:But being okay with being a beginner.
Twyla:Accepting it and naming it that this is this, this is hard.
Twyla:And I don't, you know, really feel like I know what I'm doing and I very much need God's grace.
Twyla:It just starts to change the posture of your heart, and then that's gonna change the trajectory that you were heading
Caesar:in completely.
Caesar:Wow.
Caesar:So good.
Caesar:And it really, that last one really is kind of the umbrella over all the others.
Caesar:mm-hmm . That's great.
Caesar:Thank you.
Caesar:Wow.
Caesar:Time has flown as it always does Twyla.
Caesar:And, um, again, maybe, maybe you'll be the first person to be the third time on.
Caesar:Huh?
Caesar:Maybe we'll work on.
Caesar:I would be honored and we'll talk about more stuff, but Hey, I wanna thank you.
Caesar:Um, thank you family for letting you have a little bit.
Caesar:Time, like it's probably dinner time there.
Caesar:And, uh, when we're recording this and they're probably going, like, where's mom, she's on that podcast thing with Caesar now.
Caesar:so thanks to them too.
Caesar:And thank you again.
Caesar:And I can't wait till, , we get to do something else again together.
Twyla:Definitely looking forward
Caesar:to it.
Caesar:All right.
Caesar:Awesome.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:That was a fun conversation to have I so love.
Caesar:Twyla's heart and her insights into all this.
Caesar:It's great.
Caesar:And, and I know that this is real for her because she's living a lifestyle of discipleship and mission, and God is blessing her relationships and her friendships and those in their community.
Caesar:So I trust this will give you lots of ideas and, maybe even a little nudge in your heart here or there . Okay.
Caesar:No, as always, before we go, I wanna leave you with the big three takeaways from today's topic.
Caesar:If nothing else, don't miss these three things.
Caesar:Uh, and I.
Caesar:I, I always kind of go head heart hands kind of that way.
Caesar:Right.
Caesar:And I, I write these down for you too, in case you're driving you're at the gym, or you wanna be able to share this with someone else, another great way to share the show.
Caesar:You can always get a printable PDF of this week's big three, uh, as a free download by going to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Caesar:Pretty simple.
Caesar:Right?
Caesar:So here's the big three takeaways from today.
Caesar:First one sort of said, go head hard hand.
Caesar:So here's the head thing is, uh, being honest about who you are and allowing the real you to show is important in deepening friendships.
Caesar:The number one thing that we all have in common and it makes for great common ground is our need for Jesus and the transformation his life brings to ours.
Caesar:That's the number one thing that all humans have in.
Caesar:So let your redemption show, don't hide your screwups or try to look perfect to everybody.
Caesar:When people see and hear that you're not perfect.
Caesar:It allows them to live openly around you and be honest too.
Caesar:And honesty like this builds trust in a relationship.
Caesar:And remember I said, the kingdom of God moves at the speed of relationship and the Gospel moves along lines of trust.
Caesar:Pretty big, pretty important.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:Heart level stuff here.
Caesar:God wants you to know him and he wants to know you like a friend.
Caesar:Do you believe that?
Caesar:Do you think of God that way your heavenly father desires you to spend time with him opening up your heart and life in ways that show.
Caesar:And build trust in your relationship.
Caesar:Now, of course you may be thinking, well, God knows everything.
Caesar:Why do I need to tell him what's in my heart?
Caesar:Well, just like we love it.
Caesar:When our friends or our kids come to us and open up their hearts in the same way, God loves to hear your heart.
Caesar:The Bible reminds us that after hanging out with and talking with God, it says Abraham believed God.
Caesar:And it was credit to him, his righteousness.
Caesar:Maybe you've heard that before.
Caesar:And then it goes on and says, and he was called God's friend.
Caesar:And that could be us too.
Caesar:That could be us too.
Caesar:What a great legacy to meet face to face someday.
Caesar:And God says, oh, there's my friend Caesar.
Caesar:There's my friend.
Caesar:Fill in the blank.
Caesar:Put your name there.
Caesar:Right?
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:And then the hands part of this, like rubber meet in the road make time for people and friendships to grow by prioritizing them with your time and availability.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:Like you just have to, it won't accidentally happen.
Caesar:Let me ask you, do you welcome interruptions throughout your day and week?
Caesar:Like Twyla had said, interruptions may appear to sort of assault our productivity, but life is far more rewarding.
Caesar:When we prioritize relationships over to-do lists, interruptions are often opportunities for us to connect, share life and Disciple organically.
Caesar:And that is so true.
Caesar:So I wanna.
Caesar:Encourage you to ask the holy spirit to guide you to be more open with your time and schedule when it comes to being available to neighbors, friends, and the People of Peace that are leaning into your life.
Caesar:All right.
Caesar:I hope that you've enjoyed that.
Caesar:I hope it's been helpful.
Caesar:Okay.
Caesar:Well, uh, that's about it.
Caesar:I hope you'll join us again next week.
Caesar:We'll continue to talk about this lifestyle of discipleship and mission and how the Gospel is really good.
Caesar:For all of life now, today, I know you'll join us for that.
Caesar:I'll look forward to it.
Caesar:I hope you will too.
Caesar:Talk to you soon.
Heath:Thanks for joining us today.
Heath:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com.